Ugliness and lack of dating?

[Lethe]

I'll be frank. I'm ugly. I have big shoulders, small, drooping breasts, a long, wide torso, and short, fat legs. I have a homely face and glasses. I have barely any figure, and what little figure I have is watered down by fat, which I can't seem to get rid of.

I've only dated once in my life, and I'm 17. People at my school have dated ten times that and are still on the "market" so to speak. Because of my ugliness, no guys are interested in me; I only have one guy friend, and he doesn't even want to hang out with me. I'm not very socially endowed because I don't talk to guys much, for obvious reasons, so I'm not the best talker. On a scale of 1 to 10, I've been named about a 2 or 3, maybe a 4 on a good day.

I just don't see myself as dating material. I'm not pretty, I'm not feminine, I'm not normal. Why would any man, even in a world of 7+ billion, ever want to date me? Personality isn't enough. I know it isn't. Otherwise I would have dated more than once in my life. Why would any person see anything interesting in me? I have no sex appeal and I'm not attractive. Do you think I'll ever date? Or should I just give up and end it now, before I spend any more years of my life alone?

[Angel Androgynous]

The thing about dating is seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

I have seen your pictures, and in my opinion, you are beautiful. ^_^
All of us have our imperfections. The problem isn't the guys, or you, it's the fact that you wouldn't talk to them, like you said, you are shy. C: Try making friends with a few guys, get to know them, stick in the friend zone for a little bit and see where things go as you cross the friend zone. ^_^

Oh and learn to love yourself, let your personality shine! The first person that has to see you as beautiful and love you, is you. <3

[humanesquire]

Well before you start adopting cats, have you ever thought that it could be due to low self esteem or a poor self image? If you feel that nobody wants to date you, do whatever then. What's it gonna matter? Wear whatever you feel attractive in and forget the people downing you for it!

[Lethe]

It's not that I won't talk to guys, it's that guys won't look at me or talk to me. They'd prefer not to even be around me, for obvious reasons.

There's really nothing attractive about me. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say most guys would agree I'm about a 2, maybe a 3. A 4 is really, really stretching it. I can guarantee you that not even one guy in the world would see me as attractive as most other girls. I'm the type of girl guys won't even use as a last resort. I just really don't see any chance of me getting a guy, ever. Even in college.

[Angel Androgynous]

Guys won't talk to you? How do you know? Have you tried talking to them? Maybe they're just shy. ^_^

[Lethe]

I've tried, but they aren't interested. I'm not the type of girl that guys want to have a conversation with. I'm not pleasing to look at, why would they want to talk to me?

[Angel Androgynous]

Well, just remember, life isn't all about dating. You have an education to finish, and a career in front of you. Don't stress out because you can't find a guy right now. Be patient, the right one will come. Right now, you just need to work on your self image, your education, and on loving who you are. ^_^

[Lethe]

It isn't about dating but most people date at least three or four times in their lives, get married and maybe even have children. I don't think I'd even be lucky enough to date twice in my life.

I already have good grades, I work hard at school. That's not an issue. But loving who I am? That's not possible. would you love yourself if you were as ugly and gross and big as me? How could a guy ever want that?

[Angel Androgynous]

You aren't ugly, gross, or fat, you just see yourself that way. You always put yourself down, and it makes it difficult for people to communicate with you. I've seen guys go out with lots of different girls. Everyone has a different taste. You have to love yourself before other people love you. Try to be more confident. C:

[Lethe]

It's not just me. Plenty of guys have said I'm not pretty or attractive. I've been told I'm not the kind of girl "guys want to be with" and I have to agree. I mean, if you had a choice between me (big-boned, big-shouldered, wide, overweight, homely, wears glasses) or any other girl in the world, who would you choose? Probably not me.

Everyone has different tastes, but I can assure you even a blind man wouldn't be too happy to date me, let alone be around me. If there's something about me to love, it's certainly not physical. There's absolutely nothing about me physically any guy would ever like, I promise.

[Angel Androgynous]

Those "plenty of guys" aren't every guy in the world! I've been told I'm ugly, I've been told I'm unattractive, and undateable, and I didn't let that bring me down! Any guy would be lucky to have you! You are beautiful in your own way! You just have to realize it first. Someone says you're ugly? Say: "whatever" and move on! You have a life to live! Don't give up just because a few guys didn't like you for you!

[Lethe]

No, but I can guarantee that no guy, on the forum or otherwise, would say that I'm attractive or dating material.

I've been told by at least fifty different boys that I'm ugly, that I'm fat, that I'm gross, etc. Not all at once or in one year, but it's happened over six years and it happens all the time.

Beautiful in my own way? That's usually someone's way of saying "You aren't pretty, but you're unique...I guess." Usually when someone says that they're trying to make the person feel better even though they know that the person is right.

Do I really even want to live? What is there to live for? Even if I did get the job I want I'd doubt my clients would even want to go to me, and getting a boyfriend...impossible, at least almost impossible.

[Angel Androgynous]

Everyone is beautiful in their own way. ^_^


Define beauty.


You are going to start talking about how the media perceives beauty. There are barely any girls like that in real life.

I think you're gorgeous. Honestly.

Over my years I've been told I'm ugly and it still happens. Don't let that get in the way! You are letting their words get to your heart. You only believe them because you are thinking that way. Change your way of thinking! Embrace yourself! Do not let their words get to you. <3

[Lethe]

Most girls look like the girls on TV. They're thin, pretty, have nice clothes, and are attractive and feminine. I'm none of that. I don't even have nice clothes.

Beauty is beauty. I could show you a hundred pictures but I won't. I'd rather not. Beauty is having attractiveness to you, being feminine, thin, small or medium-boned and not wide and gross like I am.

I believe them because it's true? If it wasn't true I'd have dated at least twice. And the boy I dated...it lasted five days. Wow. Not even one week. How is that for pathetic? If I can't even date for an entire week it just shows I'm not worth getting to know or dating. And I don't blame anyone. I don't think any guy would be attracted to my gross body, and my face just isn't up to par with femininity anyways. Sigh.

[Angel Androgynous]

Is dating all based on looks to you?

Hun, there are all types of girls, thin, curvy, athletic, muscular, etc. etc.

You have beautiful curves! You aren't gross! And you look pretty feminine to me! You are comparing the media impossibletoachieve look to yourself! I look at those bone thin models and think: Wow, I can never be like that! Ever! But that is the media, not life. Those models after a day of work take off their make-up and are regular human beings. Beauty is not about having nice clothes or looking like Megan Fox. (None of us do.) Beauty is about embracing the imperfect you, and letting your personality shine, which, you are letting slip away! You are sinking into depression, only thinking about your body. I am glad that you are starting to eat healthy, that's one step, the second is embracing yourself. Love yourself before expecting others to love you. C:

[Lethe]

Looks matter in my case. I don't care about anyone else's appearance, because I know what it feels like to be judged. But my own looks, even though they're awful, are really important to me.

The media has to find models somewhere. And there are thousands of girls like that on the streets. And millions of girls that are almost there, just not anorexic-thin. And those girls get boyfriends and husbands and get to be happy. Then there's girls like me, big-boned, wide, fat, with glasses, that don't get that, even once. And I have yet to even see a person that looks like me, and that makes me feel alone. But at the same time I'm happy no one has to suffer with the same body I have. That'd be a shame.

The imperfect me? I'm all imperfections, there's nothing good about me. Why would I love that? Why would I embrace that? And of course I'm depressed. With a body and face like mine, you would be too. Eating healthy can't make me pretty or feminine, it can just make me thin so I can check one thing off my impossible-to-reach list. All I want to be is normal and pretty like everyone else. Then I'd get a boyfriend for sure, but that's not possible.

[IanMilo]

Coming from me this is going to be extremely hypocritical. Because I have the worst self esteem and body issues...

But you have to walk the walk and talk the talk. Even if you don't feel gorgeous (which you are! everyone has said so!) you have to have the confidence. Guys are looking for the girls who are confident with who they are.

Don't confuse being confident with being a slut.

[Angel Androgynous]

No one can be perfect. I just hope you can realize that. I embraced the imperfect me! You can too. <3

[Lethe]

Even being confident doesn't work. On someone ugly and fat, like myself (although I'm not calling anyone else ugly or fat, because they aren't) confidence is just annoying and pointless.

[IanMilo]

Being confident is not pointless. Being confident in who you are is exactly what a guy should look for. Granted, some guys are morons and think it's all about beauty, but they wouldn't deserve you anyway. Dating isn't everything, wouldn't you rather wait for the perfect person than go through a bunch of meaningless attempts? Just because people are dumb and don't know what qualities to look for, doesn't mean they always will be.

People nowadays are way to shallow. Everyone finds fault with them, we have a terrible society. The best thing you can do is have self- confidence and show everyone that you don't have to be anorexic to be beautiful.

[Lethe]

I'm saying that me being confident just looks annoying, and people don't like it. So I try to be quiet but not stay in the background. It's hard to do.

I'd rather date ten times and then find someone than wait until I'm 35 and 30lbs overweight and even more ugly before I find a guy that'd be really interested in me. But neither scenario is logical for me anyways.

[IanMilo]

Anything is logical. And remember, imperfection is perfection <3. So, be confident AT being quiet in the background, do it confidently. Be proud of who you are, own yourself. If you are overweight it just shows that you love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Body types are all different, just because you aren't the worlds thinnest person doesn't mean you can't be beautiful. Some people have to be big to be beautiful. Otherwise it would look unnatural. Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

And yes, I used a lot of famous quotes in that paragraph

[Lethe]

Trust me, me being big is not beautiful. I'd be beautiful with about $50,000+ of plastic surgery and lipo, maybe more than that. And even then, you can't change my big bones, wide shoulders and overall bad body shape. I'd just be anorexic-thin, which is way better than what I am now. I don't even have curves.

[IanMilo]

Everyone is beautiful.

imperfection is perfection

[Dack]

Love is NOT about beauty. No one should care what you look like, but in high school, people gotta keep their "rep" up, so even if you're really lovable, if you don't appeal to the outer senses, why bother.

To be honest, I've never met a girl/woman who is ugly. As much as they think it, it's just not possible. If they don't want to be seen with you then you don't want them anyways.

[Dark_Desires]

dont put ur self down i have seen ur pics ur actualy quite pretty as pretty as my own girlfriend everyone has things we dont like about us but were all beautyfull even u so dont give up relatinships arnt always based on dating
for example me and my girlfriend have never dated my point is ur beautifull the way u are and if guys dont like then there rotten ass holes

[Lethe]

I've never met a girl/woman who's ugly, except myself. Which I have mixed feelings of. I'm sad because I feel alone in my ugliness, but I'm also happy because I'm glad no one else has to suffer with my type of issues.

I think most people are beautiful. I don't judge other people for how they look because I know what it feels like. I judge myself though because everyone else judges me and sees how ugly and disgusting I am physically. I just can't see any man in the world ever wanting to date me, with the physical ugliness I have. He'd probably be too embarrassed to hang out with me or take me places. Maybe I'd have a chance with a blind man, but even then that'd be stretching it...in today's world, people like me have no chance.

[kizzy]

stop putting yourself down. and honestly you cant expect people to respect if you don't have any respect for yourself.

You are not ugly at all! if guys wouldn't go out or hang out with you because of how you look then... to hell with them.
Ive been called fat even though i weigh less than 100 lbs (mind you i'm 5'2").. truth is people will always find a way to bring you down.. dont give them what they want.

you're not "physically disgusting". Be happy you were born with no physical disabilities. You think you have fat legs? be happy you have 2 working legs.

This whole guys will never wanna date me crap is all in your head. there are 3 billion guys in the world, and those who think you're ugly are probly just 0.001% of the whole male population. and teenagers are probably the shallowest people in the world so why care?
Seriously, you're only 17 you have so much ahead of you. You WILL find someone who's willing to look beyond your imperfections and love you for who you are.

[Nuke]

Lethe you can complain all you want about how your fat or ugly or w/e.
Stop complaining and do something about it. If you feel fat start exercising do something since the worst thing someone can do is to do nothing and accept your self.
Improve your self for yourself.

[LuckyLuke]

You know, I rarely do this but I'm going to be harsh, brutally honest and frank with you without sugar coating it at all.

Change your attitude and stop playing tune of "I'm hideous and pity me".

I've seen your face. I've seen what you look like. You're not ugly and you're certainly not hideous. I've said it once and, after this, I probably won't say it again- you're absolutely gorgeous.

Now, due to your total lack of self confidence and the attitude you display to the world of absolutely hating what you look like, you're giving a vibe out and now anyone who may have been or may be attracted to you is totally turned off by your attitude. Why would someone want to date someone who thinks without any essence of a doubt that they're hideous?

And Dee, I only say this with such forward bluntness because, after speaking with you and seeing your posts for quite some time, I believe that this is the only way to get through to you.

You're a gorgeous girl, there's a guy who can appreciate you for YOU and you just need to give him a shot.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Upintheair]

sweetie, i can honestly tell you that no matter what you keep saying,your gorgeous. i have been a little chubby my whole life and ive finally realized that if the guy im chasing doesnt like me because im not as skinny as he would like, then he isnt worth it. there is someone out there for everyone and i promise you there are men who will see how beautiful you are. you deserve better than to be so down on yourself! i dont know you, nor will i probably ever meet you but i know your beautiful. keep your head up and look in the mirror and see what real people will see

[Lethe]

But what man out there wants a fat girl with no figure, such as myself? It's one thing to ignore the boys who don't like me for my weight or my looks, but it's another to not find a single one even interested.

[humanesquire]

Can't tell if trolling or...

[LuckyLuke]

But what man out there wants a fat girl with no figure, such as myself? It's one thing to ignore the boys who don't like me for my weight or my looks, but it's another to not find a single one even interested.

Honestly, the most beautiful girl in the world could walk up to me and have a radiant smile, perfect "proportions", everything that I find attractive and the voice of an angel but if she believed, so earnestly and truly as you do, that she's hideous- I wouldn't find her attractive in the least.

I have an assignment for you: EVERY morning, the second you get out of bed you're to walk to the bathroom mirror, look directly in it and say with a serious face and tongue, "I am beautiful". Seriously, do it. EVERY morning.

[Just _1_ Look]

Don't ever put yourself down because of your appearance! Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that your beautiful and you deserve more than what has been given unto you! There's someone out there for you! Everybody deserves somebody! :)

[Lethe]

It's easy to say that you shouldn't be judged for your appearance, but people always judge based on appearance anyways. It's human nature. And people who don't look "right" or "attractive" are usually pushed away. I don't see many people like that, though.

If I tell myself I'm beautiful what will it change? It won't make me less fat, it won't make me pretty or feminine. Why say it then? Confidence only goes so far.

[Triceratops]

These guys are not turned off by your looks, they are probably turned off by your self-pitying and miserable "my life is so much worse than everybody else" personality. Period.

I am not going to call you "pretty" or other compliments because I'm beginning to think that's what you're digging for. I am not confident about the way I look either, regardless of what others think. I don't think I'm repulsive, but I do not think I am pretty in any way, shape or form. My face and hair piss me off like no tomorrow and IRL I look about 10 years younger than other girls my age. I also hate my body just as much as the next person. This doesn't bother me because I am able too see that superficial matters are irrelevant in my life as I have far more crucial things to be worrying about right now. They are only important to petty and immature people with no interests or intelligence.

Has anyone straight up told you that you're fat and ugly? Has any guy told you that you're not datable? I doubt it. You need to quit comparing yourself to other people - if everyone did this then we'd all be constantly hating ourselves. Stop paying so much attention to what others look like and start thinking and caring about yourself more. Self-importance ftw.

[xDarkAngelx]

Well, I read what you've said and i've just seen some of your pictures and in my opinion you could not have more wrong with what you've said.
Personally I think your a very attractive person, your just putting yourself down too much. I'm sure you will find someone soon, just stay positive:)

[ExhibitG]

you are completely not alone. i'll be 17 soon too and i've only had one girlfriend. i just like to be alone and independent, rather than being attached to someone. and sometimes i'm not happy with my looks and i tend to get depressed on it, but i'm starting to lean more toward thinking "this is the way i am and it's not changing any time soon, so deal with it". maybe that's how you should try and think.

[kizzy]

Well honestly, with that attitude.. you're not gonna get anywhere. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but don't expect your situation to change or get better if you're not willing to change your attitude.

Maybe you should go to counseling.

[LuckyLuke]

Well honestly, with that attitude.. you're not gonna get anywhere. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but don't expect your situation to change or get better if you're not willing to change your attitude.

Maybe you should go to counseling.

Agreed. Listen, if you're not willing to help yourself we're not going to go out of our ways to comfort you.

[Skyhawk]

Many people judge by someone's personality, and then looks. Being self pitiful about your image won't help.

:/ I don't know what you look like, but I guarantee that you aren't what you say you are, your mind tells you what it thinks you are but not the reality.

I try not to think this way myself, but I manage not to, and tell you how I did it would make me a bad influence. :X

[Lethe]

Hating my image isn't healthy, no, but at least I know where I stand. That's better than being ignorant and stupid about it and people laugh at me behind my back...

I really don't think my mind is playing tricks on me. What I see is most likely what other people see. I don't know how I could see a completely wrong version of myself. That just doesn't make any sense.

[Upintheair]

it is actually very easy to see yourself differently than the world sees you! The mind is a crazy thing and plays tricks on you! but honestly, the most important thing is to be confident! If a guy walked up to me and was a MODEL but thought he was ugly, i wouldnt want to be with him because he doesnt care about himself, so how can he care about me? you should try to talk to a doctor but what you really need to do is believe in yourself! your beautiful and you should try telling yourself that

[Voldemort]

honestly ur not ugly @ all!!!

[LuckyLuke]

Dee dear, you need to speak with a therapist. I'm not saying this to be mean, I genuinely care about you.

I believe you have a distorted body image caused by the higher level of perfection that your particular home environment is a breeding ground for.

[Lethe]

Trust me, when you live in a desert like I do, everyone has a perfect, swimsuit body, and everyone is model-status. Not to mention I live in a very rich area, home to cars you would see celebrities driving; lamborghinis, lotuses, etc. Everyone here is well-endowed and well-off.

[nikichio]

well its like you're refusing to take any advice from anyone so i'm not really sure what you really want out of this forum.

just quit being stubborn, it's doing you more harm than good.

[HellHound]

I'm a guy on the forum and trust me when i say you are pretty.That may be just words on a screen but i really feel this way.I mean are guys in your city blind or something?Have confidence and keep that beautiful smile on your face :)

[Skyhawk]

y0 Lethe. Looked at the images on your profile, you aren't fat, if you want to see fat go take a trip to a New Hampshire high school. Trust me, you will see a lot of fat there.

Stop thinking so poorly over yourself when you aren't fat, you aren't ugly. The guys in your area must be stuckup or something. 0o

[Dan_UK]

Lethe you can complain all you want about how your fat or ugly or w/e.
Stop complaining and do something about it. If you feel fat start exercising do something since the worst thing someone can do is to do nothing and accept your self.
Improve your self for yourself.



Firstly, this. Secondly, stop refusing to listen to anyone here.

What real reason did you start this thread? Because as far as I can see it's in the "Help and Advice" section, and many people here have given well thought out and genuine advice.

You have 2 options as far as this thread goes

1)Ignore everything everyone has said and leave the thread feeling no better

2)Try a few suggestions, even if in your mind there's only a 0.1% chance they'll work, it's always a better alternative than just moping about it. Enjoy the journey of life.

Exactly half a year ago I was 16 and a half, having never had a single girlfriend and only even kissed someone because we were both drunk. BUT there was one big important factor, I'd started getting involved in something which built my confidence (which for my happened to be political activism), a few weeks later and I somehow managed to gain a girlfriend, and the girl I ended up with even hated politics, proof that when you gain confidence a lot can change, now I've been involved with 3 different girls in the last 6 months and my self esteem has rocketed.

I still find my own face ugly, perhaps I always will, but the one important thing is to improve things you can, and learn to deal with things you can't change.

[Lethe]

That's the thing though. Me having confidence is just annoying to people. People don't like it when I'm confident and vocal and happy; it makes everything worse. Guys just turn their noses up to me when I'm happy and I try to talk to them and be confident. It just doesn't work for me.

I don't mean to not listen, I just know that what you're saying, even though it's sincere and helpful, just doesn't apply to my real life. I wish it did, but...it just doesn't work that way.

[Dan_UK]

That's the thing though. Me having confidence is just annoying to people. People don't like it when I'm confident and vocal and happy; it makes everything worse. Guys just turn their noses up to me when I'm happy and I try to talk to them and be confident. It just doesn't work for me.

I don't mean to not listen, I just know that what you're saying, even though it's sincere and helpful, just doesn't apply to my real life. I wish it did, but...it just doesn't work that way.


Okay then, as when you have confidence guys find you annoying, tell me how you behave when "acting confident" compared to when not doing so?

[dontcare97]

I read this whole thread so far. I think you think you are htae only one. i spent three whole years being tortured by the same thing you are. A middle school with off 1000 kids seem to corner me. I felt like a freak. I feel ugly, just like you.

Everyone has been telling you you're beautiful and that guys don't look for looks. The latter is bullsh*t. Guys are lead around by their penis. What ever looks good is good. Even if that girl has the worst personality, kills puppies, and shots at nuns just for the heck of it, if she's hot than she'll probably have ton more boyfriends than you.

That is only until people reach that last stages of maturity. Than guys who have their groins in check and are lead by their heads can see that the beautiful puppy killing, nun shooting girl for who she is. A bitch.

Then the guy thinking clearly will see you. The smart, kind, sweet girl. They will see what the inner you has to offer and that inner you is so great that the outer you will become more beautiful by association. That guy will love you for you.

Until then you are going to be found undatable and ugly while the hot little girls will keep snatching up guys until either on of two things happens: her beauty fades and she finds herself completely void of a personality that is unique and attractive or guys will smarten up and realize the personality she has is so hideous, her looks won't matter.

This is the sad and unfortunate truth but I don't want you to feel like you are alone. Because you're not. There's so many girls, including myself, that are big boned, fat. broad in the shoulder, wears glasses, and have a homely face. And believe me, there are alot more of us than their are thin, pretty, little bombshells.

That's all I want you to know. You are not alone.