Hate myself

[IanMilo]

I'm 6'1, and 142 pounds... I am bone skinny, but I still feel fat. I hate how my body looks... I just want to be so skinny I disappear so nobody can bother me about my looks... I just want to be thinner... It's never enough for me :(

I wish I could say I'm tired of feeling this way, but I'm not. I WANT to be thinner, but I don't want to look like a skeleton... If only I could be skinny and still have a good body....

[Lethe]

I wish I was 142lbs. I'm a girl and I'm 153, and I look like a whale. I wish I could be your weight, and you want to be even less? Sometimes people really confuse me, and it makes me feel even worse about myself...

You're tall, so you're going to be lighter of course. But wanting to weigh even less isn't healthy...

[IanMilo]

It's already unhealthy... However, it is not something I am just going to get over one day and decide to eat, that's the point of my thread. I don't want to get better, I want to get worse.

As for you, don't change anything! You are gorgeous and Beautiful. Becoming Anorexic or Bulimic, or any other relatable disease is not worth it. A lot of people think that if someone can decide not to eat, they can decide to eat. But it's not that easy, it's a huge struggle to even get myself to eat one meal a day. Stay natural, you are exactly what everyone else in the world should be. You are gorgeous whether you feel it or not. You just need to find the one thing that makes you feel gorgeous, whether it's doing your hair a certain way, or changing your makeup, or a different style, but having a disorder is not the solution.

[Lethe]

You'll need a professional's help if you really want to change. You shouldn't want to be anorexic.

[IanMilo]

That's the biggest problem of all, I don't want to change

[Lethe]

Why not? If you know it's bad, you should at least want to be able to change for your health.

[IanMilo]

I know it's bad, but I don't care, as long as I get thinner

[Lethe]

Then you have a disorder. You need to talk to a doctor, a therapist, a psychologist—someone who can help you.

[Amaryllis]

I got to 50 pounds. Nothing changed. Absolutely. Nothing. I still hated myself. I still felt fat. I still counted calories. I still exercised like no tomorrow. I was still depressed. I still wanted to die. I still thought I wasn't good enough.

Going any further than where you are now will only make it so much worse. Anorexia is suicide. It's self-harm. But it's one that provides no release. It maximizes pain and makes you wish you never begun in the first place.

See that picture on my av? I'm the girl on the right. That was before anorexia. I thought that was fat. If you don't love yourself, you will never be good enough, whether you're 300, 200, 100, 50 or 0 pounds. You can be "fat" and beautiful, "fat" and kind, "fat" and happy. My role model is "fat". Anorexia messed me up. My long, thick hair is gone and I'm heavier than I ever was. I binge like crazy every day. You cannot be anorexic and live. There are only 2 choices: Recovery or death. You choose.

I wrote a thread, if you don't want to read it cause it's super long, that's okay but I'll give you the link anyway. It's a guide to recovery and what to expect.

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=110035

But no one can help you if you don't want to help yourself. You're worth recovery. Nothing good comes of it. Food wasn't put in this world to be calories, we come in different shapes and sizes, just as trees and flowers and animals do. You are your own worst critic because no one can bring you down without your consent.

Love,
Faith And Trust

[flumeendeavors]

I can say that i am a recovering anorexic with bulimic tendencies. Im still struggling but it gets a little bit easier every day. Im 5'3" and i got down to 63 pounds. I was so skinny and i still felt fat. I remember sitting in my room trying to get myself to throw up when i hadnt even eaten in 2 days. I had to get surgery on my esophogas because it got a small split while i was doing that and i had to be rushed to emergency. Luckily i live a 2 minute drive from the hospital but it was not fun. I got admitted and had tubes coming out of me 24/7. I even would twist the tubes around my arms to stop the sugar and stuff that they were feeding into my body. Trust me...it's never enough. I had to get help. I was told that i had a few months left to live unless i got help. I know it's hard. I know exactly what goes through your head when you look at yourself but i can tell you that no matter how skinny you get, you will still hate yourself and you will still want to be skinnier. My best friend ended up getting pregnant while i was in the hospital and you know what? Something switched in me at that moment that made me want to at least TRY to get better for that baby. I want to be in that baby's life forever. You need to do some soul searching in your life and find something or someone to get better for. I know that sometimes it's simply not enough to try to get better for just yourself. Sometimes you need to search for something to push you every day. And im not saying that things will be easy in treatment and that you'll get better immediately...it takes a lot of work on your part but i will be here for you through it all okay? Just remember that even if you still have days where you want to throw up again or you dont want to eat again or you want to take your pills again (if you take any), that doesnt make you a failure whatsoever. Ive had my fair share of slip ups and each time i just try to fight harder because although you like the idea of being skinny...i know that you HATE the disease that's making you into this emotional wreck. You can beat this hun. Even if you dont want to right now. FIND SOMEONE TO GET BETTER FOR. It helps. I promise. Please...if you need help or advice from someone who gets it, please please please message me. I will do my best.

[Tactical Commando]

Okay Ian, I know how you feel. I myself would like to become skinnier and have six pack abs and muscles but working out doing crunches and stuff is pretty boring and painful. So if you want to become skinnier/slender, then try swimming. Some of my friends are swimmers and waterpoloist at my HS and they all have slim body, muscles, and abs. So what you should do is try swimming laps freestyle and soon you will achieve the body. But try to do it for long time.

[DoctorWho]

Im 100 (thirteen) but ya if people say stuff about ur body its because they have something wrong also god thinks you beautiful in anyway :)

[Spirit]

I'm 160lbs and I'm overweight, and I feel terrible about it. But I don't want to starve myself or fade away, because I care too much about myself, and my boyfriend. I have someone who loves me and who worries for me, and I couldn't bear to make him suffer by forcing myself to not eat or to lose an unrealistic amount of weight. Maybe you simply need to realize that someone out there (family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) cares for you and would not want to see you hurt yourself.

Not everyone can have a good body. My boyfriend has the most perfect, beautiful, attractive body I've ever seen, while mine is probably the most undesired, but he still loves me and cares for me. Looks aren't everything. They mean something but a person can be attracted to your body even if you hate it. Everyone has different perspectives on life and beauty. Someone may tease you for your looks, but someone else might not be able to take their eyes off of you. You just need to be yourself, enjoy your life and surround yourself with good, happy, kind people.

I know, hollow advice from someone who's desperately jealous of their boyfriend's beauty...but I do know it's all true, and it's meaningful. You just need to change your way of thinking, just like me.