Dark_Desires
July 27th, 2011, 12:02 PM
so about 4 years ago i made a warhammer 40k custom chapter started making a codex and a book and i finaly finished chapter im wondering if anyone thinks my style and idea would make a good idea here chapter 1
i need to edit it soon
negato palace the migthy marines stormed the palce of khrone and laid heavy death to all the heratics
cultists lunged them selves at the marines but thay were fearce and determined filled with rage and
burning anger thay reached the 2nd court yard khorne defilers launched at the marines then suddenly lighting
struck all the defilers then a voice was heard holy librerian cain and mightyest brother said the heratics will
suffer the ultimate punishment now to battle brothers charge the marines lept eager to kill chaos after fighting thru the palaces
main building thay reached the summoning pit more brothers had arived and were charging like mad to reach the heratics
the jet troopers launched to get there 1st 1st company vetrens teleported right in front of the 1st team of
tactical marines out side the gate to the summoning pit the assault terminators power weapons lit up with lighting
and struck the gate hard crackling sparks came from the gate the chaplain terminator
lunged at the gate and punched such force would have killed a warhound titan fianly it broke and
battle brothers charged screaming the heratics will suffer teh ultimate punishment and cursing chaos
brother sergant marcus said we strike with the wrath of the richious these words came from his
memorys of valax the storm ravens homeworld being destroyed the mighty the roar of the khorne
deamon shook the half room chaplaing vandacator ran at the beast screaming taunts and curses
as he charged his storm bolters mounted in his arms lt up like a sun a struck harsh vengence on the deamon
his bolter rounds tore chuncks of deamon and blood alike the deamon swiped his sword at the chaplain he
was quick to dodge his superior training of all his brothers made him look like a god
he lept at the beast the beast swung again bearly missing his leg and just skiming his shoulder pad
he shouted your finished he lept with super human strength right when the beast swung again
landing on its neck he then used his power fists to punch the deamon in the head repeatedly
the beast screamed and shook its head to get the brother of him no luck he lept up and with all his force
punched straight into the deamons head blood spoted everywere the liberian added his attack and struck the
beast with lightning the beast was finished after the great storming of the negato palace
the storm ravens of the 2nd company now had a new mission attack a large chaos fleet with
imperium naval support unlike most spacemarine chapters storm ravens were masters of space
thay were using 40% of there naval 2nd company led by captian cain valcas would be assaulting the fleet 1st
the 2nd company had assaulted many fleets before including a blood raven battle barge holding 1 of the best
terminator squads used for assaulting space hulks the storm raven fleet enterd the warp 6 hours
later the ravens jumped out of the warp launching from there titan class battle barge
armed with torpedo cannons and 6 large tubes the titan had massive cargo bays modafied to carry extra torpedos the 1st barage
struck the heratics hard the main chaos ship was the ship khornes blood belonging to 1 of khornes
most evil lords the 2nd company vipers highly agile frigate with boarding pods and teleporters
and large gattling lasers 3 vipers droped out right under khornes blood the vipers launched the pods
in 20 secodns the marines cut thru the hull charged out in the ship killing 100 of the foul cultists
9 minutes later the marines cleared a path to the bridge a squad of oblitarators charged at the lead squad
of cpatian cain hi and his terminator amroured command squad then
both captain and chaplaing opend up with there storm bolters armed with thunder rounds
cuting 3 oblitarators down then the captian punched 1 of the fownl wariors in the face taking most it
off with his power fist chaplain punched another oblisterator renforcements had flanked the distracted oblitarators
thay quickly dispatched the last 1 the cpatian all the brothers ran for the bride cuting down chaos marines
and cultits thay were at the door it had a huge sheild not easily penitrable the storm ravens were ready
for this thay had squads taking out power generators the squad used it meltor wepaons and started to clear the door
the door opend sudenly khorne berderkers jumped out the captain quickly pulled his storm bolters up and mowed down the squad of heratics
thay enterd the bridge the troops on the bridge lept at the cpatians body guard the captian whent straight for
the lord any who got in his way either lost there heads or got shot the captian and the lord ignored the rest and battled to the death
both pulled there chain swords both started swiping each other till a minute later of them fighting
the lord landed a blow the captian was quick to respond with a huge gash to the chest the lord cut the capians arms sudenly
the cpatian fell down and started bleeding the chaplaing shooting the chaos lord in the head and said get fall back and regroup
as the marines fell back chaos marines rushed them thay had no choice but to stand and fight captain cain cut 4 chaos marines down
the rest were killed by the command squad 90% of the mairines had detached but pod 03 was was destroyed the cpatain and his squad were surounded
and stranderd 3 seconds later viper firgate firey warp hailed the commander he said we are stranderd on the chaos ship comence emergency plan bravo
the the firey warp opend up with 12 gattle lasers cuting a huge hole in the ship the cain and his men fell back to the holl
as thay moved to teh holl a thunderhawk came in close cain and his men jumped straight inot the thunderhawks open bay door thunderhawk 09 fell back
to the titan class battle barge moments later cain activated the bomb destroying the foul ship and the deamon lord.
i need to edit it soon
negato palace the migthy marines stormed the palce of khrone and laid heavy death to all the heratics
cultists lunged them selves at the marines but thay were fearce and determined filled with rage and
burning anger thay reached the 2nd court yard khorne defilers launched at the marines then suddenly lighting
struck all the defilers then a voice was heard holy librerian cain and mightyest brother said the heratics will
suffer the ultimate punishment now to battle brothers charge the marines lept eager to kill chaos after fighting thru the palaces
main building thay reached the summoning pit more brothers had arived and were charging like mad to reach the heratics
the jet troopers launched to get there 1st 1st company vetrens teleported right in front of the 1st team of
tactical marines out side the gate to the summoning pit the assault terminators power weapons lit up with lighting
and struck the gate hard crackling sparks came from the gate the chaplain terminator
lunged at the gate and punched such force would have killed a warhound titan fianly it broke and
battle brothers charged screaming the heratics will suffer teh ultimate punishment and cursing chaos
brother sergant marcus said we strike with the wrath of the richious these words came from his
memorys of valax the storm ravens homeworld being destroyed the mighty the roar of the khorne
deamon shook the half room chaplaing vandacator ran at the beast screaming taunts and curses
as he charged his storm bolters mounted in his arms lt up like a sun a struck harsh vengence on the deamon
his bolter rounds tore chuncks of deamon and blood alike the deamon swiped his sword at the chaplain he
was quick to dodge his superior training of all his brothers made him look like a god
he lept at the beast the beast swung again bearly missing his leg and just skiming his shoulder pad
he shouted your finished he lept with super human strength right when the beast swung again
landing on its neck he then used his power fists to punch the deamon in the head repeatedly
the beast screamed and shook its head to get the brother of him no luck he lept up and with all his force
punched straight into the deamons head blood spoted everywere the liberian added his attack and struck the
beast with lightning the beast was finished after the great storming of the negato palace
the storm ravens of the 2nd company now had a new mission attack a large chaos fleet with
imperium naval support unlike most spacemarine chapters storm ravens were masters of space
thay were using 40% of there naval 2nd company led by captian cain valcas would be assaulting the fleet 1st
the 2nd company had assaulted many fleets before including a blood raven battle barge holding 1 of the best
terminator squads used for assaulting space hulks the storm raven fleet enterd the warp 6 hours
later the ravens jumped out of the warp launching from there titan class battle barge
armed with torpedo cannons and 6 large tubes the titan had massive cargo bays modafied to carry extra torpedos the 1st barage
struck the heratics hard the main chaos ship was the ship khornes blood belonging to 1 of khornes
most evil lords the 2nd company vipers highly agile frigate with boarding pods and teleporters
and large gattling lasers 3 vipers droped out right under khornes blood the vipers launched the pods
in 20 secodns the marines cut thru the hull charged out in the ship killing 100 of the foul cultists
9 minutes later the marines cleared a path to the bridge a squad of oblitarators charged at the lead squad
of cpatian cain hi and his terminator amroured command squad then
both captain and chaplaing opend up with there storm bolters armed with thunder rounds
cuting 3 oblitarators down then the captian punched 1 of the fownl wariors in the face taking most it
off with his power fist chaplain punched another oblisterator renforcements had flanked the distracted oblitarators
thay quickly dispatched the last 1 the cpatian all the brothers ran for the bride cuting down chaos marines
and cultits thay were at the door it had a huge sheild not easily penitrable the storm ravens were ready
for this thay had squads taking out power generators the squad used it meltor wepaons and started to clear the door
the door opend sudenly khorne berderkers jumped out the captain quickly pulled his storm bolters up and mowed down the squad of heratics
thay enterd the bridge the troops on the bridge lept at the cpatians body guard the captian whent straight for
the lord any who got in his way either lost there heads or got shot the captian and the lord ignored the rest and battled to the death
both pulled there chain swords both started swiping each other till a minute later of them fighting
the lord landed a blow the captian was quick to respond with a huge gash to the chest the lord cut the capians arms sudenly
the cpatian fell down and started bleeding the chaplaing shooting the chaos lord in the head and said get fall back and regroup
as the marines fell back chaos marines rushed them thay had no choice but to stand and fight captain cain cut 4 chaos marines down
the rest were killed by the command squad 90% of the mairines had detached but pod 03 was was destroyed the cpatain and his squad were surounded
and stranderd 3 seconds later viper firgate firey warp hailed the commander he said we are stranderd on the chaos ship comence emergency plan bravo
the the firey warp opend up with 12 gattle lasers cuting a huge hole in the ship the cain and his men fell back to the holl
as thay moved to teh holl a thunderhawk came in close cain and his men jumped straight inot the thunderhawks open bay door thunderhawk 09 fell back
to the titan class battle barge moments later cain activated the bomb destroying the foul ship and the deamon lord.