Apparently I can't fucking keep myself together.

[Alexithymia]

I was the happiest thing in the world just tonight. THE. FUCKING. HAPPIEST. I don't know what went wrong. I'm not... depressed. Just. Removed. Lost. Alone. I don't know. I'm just babbling when no one cares. I just want to vent. I just want to cry. I just want to fucking cry up in my virtual world and hope to god the storm passes through. I don't know how to explain myself. I'm just falling apart. I have no excuses; I should be strong.

I'm just a whiner. Ignore, please. I just wanted to vent a bit at myself. But I dunno. I feel like I need someone to read it.

[xdancing_for_rainx]

Everyone needs to vent and just get their emotions out every once in a while... there's nothing wrong with it(:

You're not alone in what you're feeling- sounds kinda like how I am sometimes. I can go for a significant amount of time feeling pretty good... then it all comes crashing down and I don't know what to do.

I guess, I'm not sure that much of what I'd have to say would be considered "useful," since I still haven't found a great way to pull myself out of situtations like this. The only thing I could really suggest would be to maybe do some things you enjoy. Exercise is something I've heard can help improve your mood, and periodically I'll play my guitar or listen to music that describes what's going through my head.

I hope you feel better soon! Best wishes

[AltoVaughn]

If it means anything I've read your words. Your not alone in feeling the way you do. If you want to cry... cry until you can't cry anymore, or don't feel the need anymore. Go to bed, Wake up the next morning with plans to have the best day you can. Take a hot bath, Make your self breakfast. Get away from everyone (mentally if you can't do so physically). Like stated above Do what makes *you* happy.

[Alexithymia]

Thanks guys. It's just what makes -me- happy isn't possible. I enjoy the night, but I'm not allowed to be up. I enjoy being on the computer, but I'm barely allowed to. It's just... difficult. My mother might understand I played the computer too much, but I know better than to now. What she doesn't understand is that I only want to think about that now, whereas if she let me be free, I would inevitably be bored some time and want to do things with her. God. I don't know. I just want to give up now. Sleep the next few years away. I just want her out of my live, but I'm a sucker for being guilted into things. She just needs to take a step back. Ugh. Sorry about the venting. I'm going to be doing something fun next week, but it means school's closer to starting. >_< I'm so confused right now. Still.

[Amaryllis]

I know what you mean, Mark. <3 you so much. I know virtual hugs will never compare with real hugs but know that we really do care.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to scream. Okay, i admit, when I do, my parents scream at me, hit me and give me the silent treatment. Anyway, my eyes are so messed up from anorexia, I can't cry without them burning like hell. But if your parents and eyes aren't like that, do it. Just because you cry, doesn't mean you're a wuss. Anyway, so what if you are? It doesn't make you a lesser person.

I know you're strong, Mark, but sometimes being TOO strong isn't good either. You know that story about the big, stubborn, strong tree and a bendy, thin, small tree? There was a strong wind, the big stubborn tree stood strong but it was ripped off it's roots, the bendy small tree curved with the wind and survived.

Sometimes you just have to let it flow. Let yourself cry. Then let it go and walk away. And be happy tomorrow. Actually, no, not tomorrow. Every second is a new chance at life. Hold on. When I was anorexic, it felt like the worst thing ever. I thought I'd never get through the dark moments of recovery but I did. When I wrote m

y "Guide to EDs - Recovery and What To Expect" thread, the first one got deleted and I wanted to DIE. I know that might seem insane but at that moment, it felt like nothing in my life ever went right. I screamed and cried and threw a fit. Then I sat back down and wrote it again. And I posted it. You will get through it.

What may seem impossible today, may not be so hard tomorrow.

Love,
Faith And Trust

[Matt_is_Awesome]

im sorry!
If you need anything im here to help :)
just PM me :)