I do not have a disorder.

[screamtobeheard]

Everyone. And I mean ~everyone keeps telling me I have a bad eating disorder. But I don't. I will admit that I have eating issues. But not a disorder. Why? Because I eat. Yes, eating makes me cut/burn/whatever I feel like doing that day. Yes, eating makes me want to kill myself. But I have been. A lot. I've gained a lot of weight lately. But I'm going to lose it back, so it's okay, I guess. But not really. I still kind of just want to cut off my hips and my lower back and my stomach and my thighs. And just...I don't know. And they ask me why I want to starve and purge and exercise and everything. And I tell them. Because I look in a mirror and cry. Because I see my face and wish my nose was better, my lips were better, my face shape was better, my eyebrows were better. And I see my body and literally have to hold back tears, because no matter how many times anyone tells me I'm skinny, I will always see fat. And I know it's there. I just don't understand how no one else sees it. I don't know. I do not have an eating disorder. I just hate my body with a burning passion.

[the_chef_of_your_lif]

yes you do have fat, it's what your boobs and your booty is made of. A belly, thighs and calves and your arms how ever are made of muscle. It's not fat that you see, it's muscle that has gone.. lazy as a good way to put it.
your face shape is your bone structure. I dont like mine. It's heart shaped. I hate it. But people like it. My nose looks like a ski jump because when I was younger I fell face first into a big rock. I have a unibrow. I shave, trimm pluck it in the middle just because it looks better.
Now you're like me. You dont think you have an ED. Technically you do. If you dont eat like you should all the time, or throw up after meals, or excercise like hell, then well you do. Even if you dont do anything of that, you have a poisoness image of yourself. When i look in the mirror i see a too big tummy and too wide hips. I wish they could change but they wont. No matter how much I try. You learn to accept that you were made a certain way. And someone out there loves every little tummy, nose, lips, smile, etc. you have. No one can look like barbie. If you pay close attention to celeberties and remember that the ones with work done dont look as good or real as the natural ones, then you can put the thought 'i look real. Not like some barbie clone' in your mind. I wish you good luck on this. And please remember, it's lazy muscle, not fat.

[screamtobeheard]

Thank you for the encouragement. Yeah, you're right. I don't eat like I should. I eat too little, I eat too much, I purge, I exercise, everything. I just don't think it's enough to be a disorder. Plus, I'm not skinny enough. Anymore.

[SWMG]

Why do you believe or think you are so ugly? Has someone ever said something to you or done anything for you to believe that? Because
if not, why would you believe it? Look we all have times in which we feel low and bad but you have to look at friends and family for support and encouragement, believe in yourself and be happy with who you are!!

[Timmy93]

Don't be mad people think because I don't eat a lot that I'm uptight and too concerned on looks but really its the fact that I'm never really hungry and only you know if you have a disorder so don't worry about what people say. People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind.

[Lethe]

Trust me Amanda, I'd rather look like you than me. You're way better-looking than me (by a long-shot) and you're way thinner than me. Why are you so hell-bent on losing weight?

[screamtobeheard]

I'm not any better looking than you, love. You're gorgeous! And I'm really not thinner than most people anymore. >.< I need to lose weight because I've gained a whole bunch recently. It's because I lost a bunch the wrong way, but I need it to be gone and more. I want to be perfect, and since I can't, I want to be as little as possible. I want there to be as little Amanda as possible.

[the_chef_of_your_lif]

well the only advice for a healthy way to get rid of any belly flab is planks, crunches and laying on the floor and lifting your legs up and down but dont let them touch the floor. do them in reps of 12 but no more than 4 reps at a time and be careful how much you bunch up together in the workout.

[Lethe]

If I weighed as much as you do, I'd be content with my life. You should be content that you aren't 153lbs, big-boned, wide, broad-shouldered and ugly, on top of having to wear glasses. I wish I had a figure like yours. I wish I could actually find clothes in the store I can wear. Guess how many shirts I have that I can wear (not shirts that make me look good—I have none)? Six. That's right, six. That's one whole school week. If I had a better figure I could find clothes. But I don't.

There are people out there with a lot worse of a figure than you, trust me...

[LongShot157]

Amanda, i just looked at your pictures, if you think your fat you are very wrong, you look great JUST the way you are, i respect that fact that you wish to loose weight, but coming from a person who has many friend who do have eating disorders (not saying you have one) your not fat, they are built just like you. and they starve themselves and end up looking like a tooth pick its disgusting scary and sad. this may be wrong for me to say cause of age difference and i only mean this in a friendly way you are gorgeous, it is completely healthy to have a little body fat. seriously you look good you dont need to loose weight, but i cant stop you i just hope that you can see how beautiful you actually are. :/

[screamtobeheard]

Thank you, everybody. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I've been swamped with stuff and super busy, but I appreciate your responses and consolations so much.

[Snuff]

kdsjfhksdjhf

[ally_____]

hi, i dont know if this will help any, but please listen. when you look at the people around you(the one s u love and strangers) do you look at their flaws? or their beautiful features? you may think 'oh, if i didn't have this, or this was different, or i didnt way this much, i would be prettier' here, the next time you look in a mirror i want you to find everything you like about your body, even the little things, so that every time you feel self concious about your apearence you can remember all the different ways your beautiful, and hold on to those things. like me, i'm a little bigger than the average 14 year old, but i have curves that other girls would kill for! lol, so please try it. hoped i could help! :)

[screamtobeheard]

I know I could be changing massively and not knowing it. I realized that when I gained my weight back. I'd lost twenty pounds and gotten my BMI down to 17.6, but I couldn't see it. I still thought I was fat. But now that I've gained that back and more, I realize how much thinner I must have been. I think I'm so set on it because I've compared myself to others for so long and I honestly don't know what I must really look like because a lot of people tell me I'm thinner than a lot of people they know, but all I see is fatfatfat. I don't even know, I'm restricting again. I didn't eat for an entire day yesterday, and all I ate today was dinner and ice cream, both of which were forced down my throat, but don't have to stay there. I need to figure out how to stop myself, I guess, but I just hate myself too much for that.

And Alysa, thank you for that suggestion. I'll try, though I don't know what I'll be able to find positive about myself.