Aceso
July 24th, 2011, 03:08 PM
So, a few weeks ago my dad went for a fortnight to New Zealand for work. Over there he got two amazing job offers with massive opportunities. It all seems too good to be true, we would be able to live comfortably and I would be able to leave behind most of what drags me down in this life, here in England.
But the thing is that I don't have a problem leaving my mother, I would worry about her and her mental health, especially if she realized that I would be going to live there. I have no wish to live with her and I don't know if my brother would decide to go aswell, but I fear she may take my dad to court over it which would make life so much more complicated, and if she snapped I would feel wholly responsible.
The only other thing that worries me is my boyfriend. He turns 16 in October, and he intends to move out and away from his family as soon as he can but I don't know if I could leave him. I am not sure if we could hold a long distance relationship, I would love to but I don't know if he could. There is also the very small chance that he would come over with me, he has always wanted to go abroad with me and, coincidentally, NZ was one of our choices. But it's expensive and he is so young to build up a life there. It would be an outrageous and extreme idea to be mild. He said he wouldn't try and come between me and my family but I don't know how I could live without him.
I could stay here in England but this is where it gets difficult.If I go, I feel like I'm running from my problems. If I stay, I would be tied down to everything that makes me suicidal. My mother would drive me to something stupid, I know it. The thought of living with her for three years makes me want to cry, because I know she'll just snap one day mentally and I won't have anywhere to go. I feel torn, and once again, I feel like there's only one escape route. Exit route, more like. Please, please give me your opinions. I feel so helpless and torn, I feel like I'm running away and I feel like it's a loose-loose situation even though this is what I've been waiting my whole life for. :( Why can I never be happy? I'm so scared that once I get there I'll feel exactly the same as I do over here which is most likely going to happen, because I know I can never escape it but I can't help desperately thinking this will help. Oh god, my mind is such a mess, I apologize if this does not make sense.
Thankyou. :(
But the thing is that I don't have a problem leaving my mother, I would worry about her and her mental health, especially if she realized that I would be going to live there. I have no wish to live with her and I don't know if my brother would decide to go aswell, but I fear she may take my dad to court over it which would make life so much more complicated, and if she snapped I would feel wholly responsible.
The only other thing that worries me is my boyfriend. He turns 16 in October, and he intends to move out and away from his family as soon as he can but I don't know if I could leave him. I am not sure if we could hold a long distance relationship, I would love to but I don't know if he could. There is also the very small chance that he would come over with me, he has always wanted to go abroad with me and, coincidentally, NZ was one of our choices. But it's expensive and he is so young to build up a life there. It would be an outrageous and extreme idea to be mild. He said he wouldn't try and come between me and my family but I don't know how I could live without him.
I could stay here in England but this is where it gets difficult.If I go, I feel like I'm running from my problems. If I stay, I would be tied down to everything that makes me suicidal. My mother would drive me to something stupid, I know it. The thought of living with her for three years makes me want to cry, because I know she'll just snap one day mentally and I won't have anywhere to go. I feel torn, and once again, I feel like there's only one escape route. Exit route, more like. Please, please give me your opinions. I feel so helpless and torn, I feel like I'm running away and I feel like it's a loose-loose situation even though this is what I've been waiting my whole life for. :( Why can I never be happy? I'm so scared that once I get there I'll feel exactly the same as I do over here which is most likely going to happen, because I know I can never escape it but I can't help desperately thinking this will help. Oh god, my mind is such a mess, I apologize if this does not make sense.
Thankyou. :(