Alexithymia
July 23rd, 2011, 07:24 PM
When I consider cutting, there are three different moods I consider it in. Weak, depressed, and... numbed. Only in the mood of "weak" do I ever want to -cut-. I'm not sure what's wrong with the other two. I don't see it as a guilty thing, it's more of... what's the point? It's all a means to an end. With depressed I have a more suicidal twinge. And then I'm numb. Numbed. I don't know where happy is; I feel it sometimes but it's never -there-. I'm on... day 20? 21? 19? Something like that. I don't know. I just want to wish I didn't have to consider it. I just wish it wasn't even in my mind. I suppose this is a pointless post, just an update from me. Sorry for the wall of text. Not really in the mood to space everything out.