alley
July 23rd, 2011, 03:01 PM
Currently, I am known too people by my nickname. Everyone new I meet, I tell them my nickname instead of my real name. The only people that really call me by my proper name are my family, old friends/classmates and teachers at school as it's all offical.
The thing is. I HATE my real name. I hate it more than anything else.
I used too get bullied for it at school. I used too cry myself too sleep. I used too feel terrified of telling my name too people because of negative comments. None of them, of course understood what it is like too have your name jeered at. Hence why they did it.
So two years ago, I started up my nickname. It kind of stuck ever since. But still, in offical circumstances my real name is used, my real name is called out, my real name is fucking jeered at again and again.
I just can't take it anymore. It watches me, consumes me.
So tomorrow is my 15th birthday. As all more recent friends are celebrating it with me, I asked my parents too call me by my nickname. My mum just stood there and went 'you really upset me'. and argued with me. I told her 'that everyday of the year you refuse too call me by it, but it's my birthday. Please. Just for my birthday.' My mum eventually agreed anyway, but is now ignoring me, as well as my dad.
Everytime I try too talk them about this they refuse too communicate, insisting that I have betrayed them by hating my name. How I have upset them.
When I first said I was changing my name legally at 16, I told them. It was a year ago.
You would not believe the reception. My mum basically told me she'd disown me.
I don't want a new passport, changed birth certificate. I don't want too have too deal with something that I shouldn't need too deal with. I don't want my parents too hate me. I don't want a new fucking identity.
Yet what choice do I have? no one else can accept me for how it is.
So, I've reached the end. I'm sick of being jeered at, i'm sick of my parents not understanding and showing no support. My friends that I tell think its no big deal too change your identity and I am overeacting. I wish they knew what it felt like, for a second, too have too go against everything that you thought you were.
I needed too say that. rant over.
The thing is. I HATE my real name. I hate it more than anything else.
I used too get bullied for it at school. I used too cry myself too sleep. I used too feel terrified of telling my name too people because of negative comments. None of them, of course understood what it is like too have your name jeered at. Hence why they did it.
So two years ago, I started up my nickname. It kind of stuck ever since. But still, in offical circumstances my real name is used, my real name is called out, my real name is fucking jeered at again and again.
I just can't take it anymore. It watches me, consumes me.
So tomorrow is my 15th birthday. As all more recent friends are celebrating it with me, I asked my parents too call me by my nickname. My mum just stood there and went 'you really upset me'. and argued with me. I told her 'that everyday of the year you refuse too call me by it, but it's my birthday. Please. Just for my birthday.' My mum eventually agreed anyway, but is now ignoring me, as well as my dad.
Everytime I try too talk them about this they refuse too communicate, insisting that I have betrayed them by hating my name. How I have upset them.
When I first said I was changing my name legally at 16, I told them. It was a year ago.
You would not believe the reception. My mum basically told me she'd disown me.
I don't want a new passport, changed birth certificate. I don't want too have too deal with something that I shouldn't need too deal with. I don't want my parents too hate me. I don't want a new fucking identity.
Yet what choice do I have? no one else can accept me for how it is.
So, I've reached the end. I'm sick of being jeered at, i'm sick of my parents not understanding and showing no support. My friends that I tell think its no big deal too change your identity and I am overeacting. I wish they knew what it felt like, for a second, too have too go against everything that you thought you were.
I needed too say that. rant over.