People don't get it.

[Lethe]

People don't understand. They get mad at me, they judge me because I want to be anorexic. People don't understand how hard it is. I have a completely ugly body. Who wants big shoulders and a long torso, with short fat legs, and already big bones? Having fat on me just makes me worse. I'm the big, ugly fat girl with glasses and greasy blonde hair that never stays completely straight, that always looks trashy and stupid in any clothing I wear. Why is it so bad that I want to be thin? I want to be anorexic thin. I'd be more attractive anorexic thin, trust me. People say I'm fine, that I'm gorgeous, that I'm pretty, that I'm beautiful—it's all lies. It really is. No person in my life except my parents, who have already made it clear that I'm fat, have ever said that I'm pretty, and they rarely ever say it anymore unless they want me to do something for them. It's just impossible. I'm not pretty. I'm not feminine. I'm not even thin, like all girls are. Why is it bad I want to be better-looking? It won't improve me much, but anything is better than nothing.

People don't get it. Pisses me off, makes me depressed. No one gets it, no one really understands. I'm alone in this.

[Magenta]

Okay, Dee. Seriously, why would we spend this much time lying to you? I'll be honest: I have much better things to do than lie to people that they're pretty.

We do get it. If we didn't, why would we all have eating disorders? You are not alone. We've all hit that point. I've been there, I really have. Not all girls are thin. Even less are anorexic thin. You don't need to be thin to be pretty. I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're pretty because that seems to be futile.

Thing is, changing what we look like doesn't solve anything. Eventually we don't like that either. We'll always compare to someone else when that only makes things worse. We are who we are and we were made that way. I don't have the features I wish I had but I can't do anything about it. Becoming anorexic is a death sentence. Would you rather be dying and "pretty" than healthy? Trust me, being anorexic is not attractive at all.

Have you sought help for this, Dee? It's concerning to read all your posts and after the replies everyone has given you, still see how adamant you are that you're everyone's worst nightmare when that is NOT true. Professional help at this point is likely your only option because there's not much we can do.

I'm sorry to sound harsh but I'm just laying facts on the table.

[Triceratops]

With that self-centered and ignorant attitude, you'll always be stuck in the same rut you're in now.

Try and listen to what others are telling you, especially when they have far more experience and knowledge than you. I've seen a handful of helpful members give useful and logical advice to you, but it seems to me that you're refusing to take it - thus taking you back to where you first started, instead of thinking more positively. What people are trying to tell you here is very true and very real. They understand a lot more clearly than you do because they have personally been through it themselves. I can see how you going around the forums moaning "I don't care I want to be anorexic thin because it will make me pretty" etc can be hurtful and disrespectful to those who have/had anorexia. I'm not trying to bash or criticise you here, I'm just trying to say that I think you need to stop being stubborn and be considerate of what others are telling you. I don't think it's your fault either because the psychology of eating disorders isn't really an easy and straight forward thing to grasp for a newcomer.

I wouldn't be particularly surprised if you shunned this post, but I don't like seeing people being misguided by their own delusional and negative thoughts which are driven by messed up sociological factors.

[bambino]

I 100% agree with Nathuagyn, everything she's said is spot on
triceratops also has valid points

No-one is mad at you, they are just desperate to save you from what they've had to experience. No-one is lying to you either, we all solemnly believe you to be beautiful. You are never alone, everyone on here is ready to talk to you and support you. But I really urge you to get professional help, counselling could be really beneficial to help change your perception on attractiveness and self worth

[Amaryllis]

Dee, we KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. We've all been there. We know what it's like to want to be skinnier, skinnier, skinnier, skinny. To feel FAT no matter WHAT shape or size we are. We know better than to pretend we understand when we don't.

Your thread "I want to be anorexic" was one of the firsts threads I posted on since I joined. You INSPIRED me. When you told me I helped you, that I was someone you admired, THAT was the Dee I fell in love with. I don't even know how you look and honestly, I don't care.

People on here don't know how I look either. And I am 100% sure if they did, they might not think I'm the prettiest girl in the world but I've learned that that's not what matters. They will still like me the same because I know I am not ugly inside.

I have a BMI of 21. I'm heavier than I ever was. I'm 5ft tall, that's 152cm. I'm big boned too. More than half the head on my hair on my head is gone. Anorexia screwed up my metabolism and my body's ability to distribute fat. Hell, I feel fat right this second. But it DOESN'T MATTER. I am more loved and I have more friends than I ever did when I was 50 pounds and too dead to do anything.

If you can't love yourself, you never will. You can be 200, 100, 50 or even 0 pounds and think you're the ugliest thing in the world. Your shape and size is not all you are. No one can help you if you don't want to be helped. We can say whatever we want but if YOU think you're fat, you will be.

I didn't just wake up one day and think "Hey! I think I'm too skinny now. I don't care if I'm fat. I'm going to eat and put on weight! I don't care about how I look. I am more than my weight." It was more like I had to have bricks thrown at my head every once in a while till I finally realised if I got any more bricks in the head, I was going to lose my skull.

If it helps, I could send you a picture of me because really, I'm far from "pretty". I know a lot of amazing people who are considered overweight. Hell, my role model is overweight. You can be fat and be the kindest person in the world. I know she is.

We know what it's like to feel ugly and fat. We know what it's like to hate yourself. No one can bring you down without your consent. And the one that brings you down the most is YOU.

Faith And Trust

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

Hun,I get how hard it is when people try shoving food in ur face and tell u to eat,more so when u feel ugly and disgusted with urself. Like its as easy as picking up a fork. But the road ur going down,is a horrible one. U think right now ur going to beable to control it,and hell maybe start eating normally again once u get to weight u want,but thats not the case,by the time u get there,u will have lost control. U wont eat for days,u'll be so weak and dizzy u'll barely beable to move,u'll faint,u wont beable to sleep,hunger pains will b so bad u'll just want to crawl into a ball and die, U isolate urself from everyone,and become depressed. Theres are better,healthier ways to loose weight,feel good about urself and be healthy, I wish more then anything I was u, I wouldnt make the mistake of not eating to loose weight to feel beautiful,I would do it the healthier way..Because no matter how much weight I loose,Ill never feel perfect until the scale says zero. This disorder is going to kill me,ive known that for awhile,but im so far gone,I cant even seem to make myself care anymore. Im telling u,this ISNT something u would ever want. Please,if u want to loose weight,do it the right way...

[flumeendeavors]

Well darling.. i get it. I completely, absolutely get it. I remember when i HATED people complimenting me because i felt like they were all lying to me. But i can say that you are pretty. I know how bad the desperation to be thin can gets but you know what? I'll be legit with you right now. Yes...you will hit a certain weight that people start complimenting you..then shortly after that you start doubting them and they stop. They stop because you start to get too thin and it looks UGLY. Being bone thin is UGLY. I know that you want to be skinny and everything im saying right now sounds like complete BS to you but im telling the truth. You will eventually be too thin and look ugly to the rest of the world and you will still hate yourself and you will still think you are ugly and fat. No matter how thin you get you will still see fat. There will always be something else you want to change and you will never get to "the perfect weight" because this disease tells you that you are disgusting and fat and ugly and a pig but thats the disease talking. You will NEVER reach the weight that you want to be because once you hit 90, you'll want to be 80 and then 75 and then 70 and then 65...it keeps going and you will die. Find someone to get better for. I mean honestly...everyone told me that i wasnt trying hard enough to get better but i was working my ass off trying to get better and they would say that i should want to get better just for myself but that didnt work so i had to look deeply in my life and find someone else to get better for. But trust me, you will never be good enough for yourself. Anyways..if you need to talk..message me. I can help.

[Lethe]

There's a difference between people like those who have been posting, who are naturally pretty and feminine, and people like me, who are big, wide, overweight and ugly. People tell me to like myself and to not be anorexic, but really...when you look at me, what's the better option? Me being anorexic and thin and better-looking, or me staying how I am?

[Angel Androgynous]

You staying the way you are.
Anorexia is not pretty..

[Amaryllis]

If it convinces you, I'll show you photos of me when I was anorexic. Trust me, I was hideous. And that wasn't even me at my worst. When I was REALLY underweight, I was too busy dying to do anything.

[Lethe]

If you'd feel comfortable showing me, then I'd appreciate it, FaithAndTrust :')

[flumeendeavors]

Yeah.. if i had any pictures of me left ... i'd show them to you too. It's not pretty. I know you dont believe that but anorexia is ugly. It turns people into horrible, ugly people.

[Lethe]

I'm sure all of you are way better looking than me, anorexic or not.

[Amaryllis]

I just messaged you the picture. Trust me. I was hideous.

[tHe_Jester1080]

it is completely fine you want to be in shape and even healthier. but being anorexic wont get you in shape and will make you even less healthy. there are much better, safer, and healthier ways to lose weight and be in shape. because being anorexic will only make sick and will create lots of problems down the rode. in health class we watched a video about an anorexic teen who got hit by car and died when most would have survived because she didnt have the strenth or strong enough system to suvive the shock of the accident because she was so unhealthy from being anorexic. so please dont endanger yourself.

[louisgray]

trust me A)your not big ,ugly and overweight,your perfectly shaped all round ,B)not eating and going hungry is not fun at all,ive been through stages of that

[xktx]

theres a stupid annoying saying that says 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' there will be someone who will honestly think your beautiful.
but rather than being anorexic, try just going on a diet, or doing more exercise or something, cos anorexia can be really really difficult to deal with. x

[tHe_Jester1080]

you dont even have to go on a "diet". i honestly dont like the word because the real meaning of diet is just how one person eats. so really u cant go "on a diet" because diet is a noun, not a verb. you just need to watch calories and dont overindulge yourself in snacks like choc., chips, cake...etc.

[Lethe]

I just don't know if I'm worth it. Am I really worth loving anyways? When I look at myself I just see ugliness. I look awful in my clothing and my face is ugly. Plus I'm just fat. I weigh a lot; 153lbs. That's way too much for a girl. I can't help my bone size, but...I wish I could. I wish there was surgery out there that could change my whole appearance to what guys want to see. But oh well.

[kacibaybay]

you think having anorexia will make you pretty?

anorexia ISN'T pretty.

being skin and bones isn't attractive. having a boy figure isn't either.
losing hair isn't cute. your hair becomes very thin and frail.
fingernails will become yellow, not healthy looking.
dark circles under your eyes will become more permanent.
skin will become dry, and pale.
facial hair can occur.

how is any of that pretty? it's not. you can't "become" anorexic. It's a mental disease. a deadly one, that makes you ugly. If you want to lose weight, do it the healthy way.

I know life seems tough, and trust me I've been there done that could write a book on it. but your life will get even harder if you develop an eating disorder. there not glamorous by any means.

you are probably beautiful. God didn't make ugly people. I know it's hard for you to believe now, but it's true. these people wouldn't lie to you. and developing an eating disorder will just make you feel even worse about yourself. trust me.