If you really knew me

[Wicked_Syn]

For all of you who have seen the show If You Really Knew Me on MTV, then you will probably know what the idea of this thread is about.

If you haven't seen the show it's a show about high school students who unite on one day called a "Challenge Day" and they share their personal stories and struggles. All types of people participate in it - "preps, jocks, emo's, LGBT, nerds, no-ones, ect." Everyone there has been bullied or has bullied. The point of the whole thing is to open up to everyone or basically saying "if you really knew me..."

Here is a video to understand it more:

Q8iaXMrSKMw

So please post a line / paragraph about you using "If you really knew me"
Without further a do, I'd like to take a turn

_____________________________________________________________

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME you'd know that I'm a very lonely person who has a hard time making friends and getting close to anyone. I've had issues with friends all my life and I'm my worst critic. I feel like everyone thinks I'm some weird kid who's to himself. But what I really honestly wish for is to have good true friends who are there for me and appreciate me for me and my raw nature, not the stuff I put up.

If you knew me, you'd know that I am lie to myself saying that I am bi-sexual, but really deep down inside gay. I feel as if I were to come out completely, then no one would like me at all and I'd have no friends and people there for me.

[FcknMarc]

Awhhhhhh ^

Well if you really knew me you'd know that daily I have to "play it straight" in order to not get teased or ridiculed. Only few in my personal life know that I'm gay. As much as I want to come out completely I'm too scares of what society thinks :/

[LKIFMRUG9556]

Thank you for posting that video:)

If you really knew me, you'd know I was someone who cares way to much how people see me. I'm very self conscious and paranoid. You'd know I was bullied and it badly effected me. I was sexually abused when young by a babysitter. But you'd also find someone strong minded, kind, accepting, generous and loyal through until the very end.

Don't just focus on the bad stuff about yourself. ;)

[Ambrosia]

That video is an exert from a VCR tape that's, like, an hour and a half long. I remember watching it in my Reconnecting Youth class in 10th grade and we all had to stand up and do the talking crap.

If you really knew me you'd know I'm all talk and no game. People are only scared of me because I "know martial arts". In reality, I couldn't fight someone for my life.

[DerBear]

this is a hard one for me to answer as i adapt really easily to every situation i am in but i always stick to my morals and i think due to the fact i can adapt my personality to any situation that it has kinda confused me

I will edit this or make a new post when i have figured it out

[grstl]

If you really knew me, you would find under my conservative church musician exterior a constantly horny cock/cum-craving boy, keeping up the straight act to survive socially in my conservative Christian family and town. I have also tried way more stuff than anyone would guess, including a lot more than I should recommend. When I get a chance to break out for a while, I have held things in so much that I just want to go wild. If they really knew me, I would so totally need a new life elsewhere.

[Wicked_Syn]

Awhhhhhh ^

Well if you really knew me you'd know that daily I have to "play it straight" in order to not get teased or ridiculed. Only few in my personal life know that I'm gay. As much as I want to come out completely I'm too scares of what society thinks :/

I feel you bro. I'm here for you

[Magenta]

I've seen something like this before with the whole "cross the line" idea. I wish my school would do something like this.

If you really knew me, you'd see that I'm not the smiling, happy, witty girl you see everyday. If you really knew me, you'd see the scars and tears and someone afraid of her asexuality because she thinks it will condemn her to being alone for her whole life.

[prob1996]

____________________________________________________________[/COLOR][/B]_

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME you'd know that I'm a very lonely person who has a hard time making friends and getting close to anyone. I've had issues with friends all my life and I'm my worst critic. I feel like everyone thinks I'm some weird kid who's to himself. But what I really honestly wish for is to have good true friends who are there for me and appreciate me for me and my raw nature, not the stuff I put up.

If you knew me, you'd know that I am lie to myself saying that I am bi-sexual, but really deep down inside gay. I feel as if I were to come out completely, then no one would like me at all and I'd have no friends and people there for me.[/QUOTE]


^^^^ This sound so similar to my life. I stuggle with this every day and recently accpeted the fact that I'm gay and not bisexual. I can totally relate and know what ur feeling ^^^^


If you knew me, you'd know that I act confident and know what do to all the time but the truth is I get very nervous and scared on the inside. I am filled with alot of self doubt but never let it show on the outside.

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

If u really knew me u'd know that im not happy go lucky,and that the smile thats always plastered on my face,is fake,that im really depressed and feel totally alone. That I have a rapist for a father,that I push people away,not because imma huge bitch who thinks shes better then everyone else,but because im scared to get close to anyone for the fear of getting hurt. That im actually shy with no self esteem,and my over confidence is an act.

[xdancing_for_rainx]

If you really knew me, you'd know how tough the nights are. You'd know that the smile on my face is just painted there- if you were to look behind it, you'd see the crying, bleeding girl I really am. You'd know that I lie every day about how I really feel. You'd see all my fresh cuts and know how badly I want to purge. You'd see how much I freaking HATE myself. And all the negative thoughts that come with it. You'd see someone who is all alone and needs somebody as comfort- but is gonna keep pushing everyone away so she doesn't get hurt.

[FcknMarc]

I feel you bro. I'm here for you

Thanks (:
It's an amazing feeling when somebody has your back

[tictac]

If you really knew me you would know that I smile whenever in public but when im alone I think at myself in the mirror "Look at this fat loser (im 170 p) but im tall so it sort of make up for it" why cant he die you would also know suicide is always in the back of my mind you would know that im very parnoid always thinking of how i can die in an accident and if you really knew me you would find out i am always down on himself cause of all the bullying and teasing teen and is just looking for a way out and that im also a loving, lighthearted teen

[Tristin.]

if you reallly knew me, you would see a boy who appears to have it all, but who in reality feels insecure about everything, who has virtualy no self esteem or confidance, youd see a boy who laughs on the outside and feels nothing on the inside. Youd see a boy who appears to have alot of friends, but who doubts if they just pitty him or if they really are firends. If you really knew me, youd know i was parranoid of people opinions of me, how i look etc. you would realise im scared to be me. If you really knew me, you would see a boy who helps others no matter what, but who hides his own problems until he just breaksdown, because he doesnt want to bother anyone. If you reallly knew me, you would see a boy who does not see himself living past 29. That was, if you really knew me. But so many dont, they see what they assume, the happy-go-lucky boy who smiles and laughs and is loved and has everything you could want, why do people always assume? why?

[SadisticAngels]

if you really knew me you would know that i hate myself for things that i have said and done and that i find it hard to care about myself its always about others. you would know that i cant trust anyone because all my closest friends have left me. i feel like i have no one, i have been bullied and an outcast ever since i started school the most friends ive ever had at once is 2. i cut because it makes me think about myself and focuses on the physical not the mental

[itsthat0n3kid]

if you knew me you would know that i was not always the kid that plays all the sports. that 4 years ago i was the fat kid that no one liked and that had no friends. if you knew me you would know how hard i worked to be "skinnier" so i would not get picked on or teased. so i would have atleast one friend.

[Emily_LOVES_MUSIC]

if you reallly knew me, you would see a boy who appears to have it all, but who in reality feels insecure about everything, who has virtualy no self esteem or confidance, youd see a boy who laughs on the outside and feels nothing on the inside. Youd see a boy who appears to have alot of friends, but who doubts if they just pitty him or if they really are firends. If you really knew me, youd know i was parranoid of people opinions of me, how i look etc. you would realise im scared to be me. If you really knew me, you would see a boy who helps others no matter what, but who hides his own problems until he just breaksdown, because he doesnt want to bother anyone. If you reallly knew me, you would see a boy who does not see himself living past 29. That was, if you really knew me. But so many dont, they see what they assume, the happy-go-lucky boy who smiles and laughs and is loved and has everything you could want, why do people always assume? why?




im the extact same, but im a girl. ppl in my school think the same of me, but i knw most of them are fake friends

i will add:

if you really new me, you would see the kind of girl who would much rather sit in her room alone than face a world of criticism. that would rather die than live another day of pain and misery. ive tried killing myself to no avail. the ppl who lied and said that they cared about me, are now the ppl i cnt stand the most. they say im this dumbass loser that cuts herself. if they only saw the scars, the tears, the blood-stained pages of many journals.

if you really new me, you would see the girl who is scared to trust.
anyone.



(i would like to add as a side note: all the ppl that i have talked to here; i do trust you tho :-) )

[itsthat0n3kid]

im the extact same, but im a girl. ppl in my school think the same of me, but i knw most of them are fake friends

i will add:

if you really new me, you would see the kind of girl who would much rather sit in her room alone than face a world of criticism. that would rather die than live another day of pain and misery. ive tried killing myself to no avail. the ppl who lied and said that they cared about me, are now the ppl i cnt stand the most. they say im this dumbass loser that cuts herself. if they only saw the scars, the tears, the blood-stained pages of many journals.

if you really new me, you would see the girl who is scared to trust.
anyone.



(i would like to add as a side note: all the ppl that i have talked to here; i do trust you tho :-) )

here we all love you and care about you :) because we go through the same shit all the time :) stay strong emily

[flumeendeavors]

I love this idea. I actually cried a bit while reading your guys' stories. Im going to talk to my school about this. Here's mine:

If you really knew me, you would know that i am trying every single day to stay strong when i really feel so weak inside. You would know that i was molested by a kid my own age when i was little and you would know that i wish i could cut again but that i dont want to let my mom down again. You would know that i am slowly starting to love my body again and that im still not able to eat properly because of it all and you would know that i care too much about what other people think. You would also know that i am an extremely emotional person who wants to help people like myself and if you really knew me, you would know that there are still some days where i think about killing myself but that i would never go through with it again because i hate myself for hurting my mom and sister and dad the way i did before. One final thing...if you really knew me you would know that i am still confused about my sexuality and that im scared of who i might become in the future because im scared of never being good enough for myself.


As a side note: I am here for all of you. If you need to talk or you need some advice..ill always answer you. I love all of you! That should give us some hope that a complete stranger can love us from halfway around the world. <3 :)

[SuperSuraj]

If you really know me you would know that no matter how many compliments i get i will never love myself, i will always think back on elementary and middle school when i was that skinny gross kid that would always get made fun of for how big his nose is, or his eyes, or how he had no muscles. You would know that i'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet, but not many people give me the chance, for reasons they will never tell me, and everyday of my life up until 2 weeks ago was a huge lie, i've always known i was bi, but tried to hid it as well as i could because i felt it would just add to one of many things wrong with me. and my abandonment and attachment issues prevent me from getting close to anyone, because i know once they leave i will never be the same...

I have so much more to say, but i've locked my emotions up for so long that i'm scared of even digging that deep anymore, everything i just said hasn't even scratched the surface :/

[acid_rayne]

If you knew me you would no how hard i try to keep my fdirends

[rockandtumble]

If you really knew me .. you'd know that every day's a struggles.
It takes the smallest of things to set off, well, everything.
One minute I could be loving the way I look, having a snack and talking to friends online .. and it would take something as small as taking a quick glimpse in the mirror and seeing myself differently to ruin my day. I'll go from feeling pretty to ugly in the space of a second as I realise my makeup doesnt hide my acne at all, or that my stomach fat shows in this top, the snack im eating is going to make me fatter, and im probably making a fool out of myself, not talking/flirting or whatever it is like a normal person can.

Even now Im getting really fucking agitated because none of this is coming out right, im not explaining it right and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack any minute. Happens sometimes.

Gah. :/
.. Thats only part of it ..

[PervertedStalker]

If you really knew me.. u'd know i'm not the perfect teenage girl with 13 sweet supporting brothers. u,d know that my 14 yr old brother is a rapist and my 19 yr old bro is a murderer. u'd know that ever since my parents died ive felt alone and like for some reason while i was at home talking 2 my amazig boyfriend, i should have been there to stop that car from driving into my parents. u'd know tht in march i was forced into marrying a 27 year old, therefore cheating on my boyfriend. u'd know tht even after my husband killed himself and was horrible 2 me, i still feel guilty. u'd know that my current boyfriend is all i have left. u'd know tht even though im considered popular, i hate it. it presures u and makes u feel more alone.

[Skyhawk]

So much for trying to have a happy day. **Note: Trying.

If you really knew me, you would see how lonely I feel, how distrustful I am, how scared I am of betrayal. The thing is, I don't even know how I am this way. If you really knew me, you would be aware of the way I think, when my friends are happy and good thing happen to them, I only get more depressed, saddened wondering what they did to feel well enough to smile. Sure, I may laugh at a joke to have a good time, sure. Bribe me to be happy for 30 minutes, whatever. You would know that i act happy all of the time, feeling like somebody's puppet, or a used tissue. You would know that I am jealous I am that all of the bullies get what they want, and I get spit in my face. How scared I am of being judged, that I feel that there's no rock bottom for me, because I feel that I am constantly plummeting down. I don't even know why I feel this way, why I never feel good enough, why I have this pain that I try to release. I keep the pain in and torture myself with it, I hardly cut, never burn, but I read that slamming my head in the wall, punching it until I bleed, counts as self harm.

If you really knew me, you would know how hard it was to type up the previous text, its in no order, just the order of when I thought of it.

._.

[Saosin]

If you really knew me...
You'd know how lonely I can feel sometimes. I've lost connection with a lot of my old good friends and never get to hangout with friends because of school, work and parents who don't trust me to make the right decision because my brother had a kid as a teenager. We aren't even close to the same type of person. I always get compared to my brothers. Am way too stressed about being successful because my parents act like i'm their only chance at having a kid that will make it anywhere in life. Anytime I want to hang out with friends, I get interrogated. I hate social scenes like school dances and get harassed by my parents for not wanting to go to them. I'm not too interested in developing a relationship during high school. It just doesn't appeal to me, yet my parents will constantly crack jokes about my sexuality just because i'm not dating anyone like my brothers. I'm athletic, but unmotivated. My parents constantly make jokes to my newer friends about how all i do is "kill aliens" in games all day. When in all reality i've stopped playing almost all games because I'm just too busy. I've come to the point in my life where music is what gets me through my day rather than support from others. I put on a big smile, sarcastic and witty attitude and crack jokes. Not really sure why. Sometimes it turns into me being a jackass and I really regret that. Whenever it comes to girls, if they want to get close I generally shut down socially. I could never say the words I Love You to someone who I didn't mean it. I don't take it lightly. Maybe because I lack the attention or love that most kids would get from parents... Mine are too caught up in work to even pay a little attention to us. Whenever they do bother to talk to us, it's always asking me to do chores and errands or complaining about how I'm simply not doing enough to help out, or get prepared for college. I could be a straight A student, but I lack the motivation in my life to truly work towards my goals. I've lost all sight of what I want to become as an adult. Instead of the As I could earn, I get C averages and it annoys me to no end. The only real accomplishment that I feel i've earned was my Eagle Scout Award... Which people would put down if ever mentioned. Not sure why. It takes a long time and a lot of work. For the most part I've lost all of the passions I once had. Cartooning, skating, running, basketball, baseball, football... I have absolutely no clue where I stand in a religious debate. I'd like to be optimistic and believe in a higher power but every fiber of my being tells me otherwise and that it's simply not true. I've had religion shoved down my throat from being in a catholic school from kindergarten up until 8th grade. I hated almost all of it. The same 50 people for 10 years. We all just pretended to like each other. Not to mention I'd get picked on for listening to rock/emo music and skating while everyone else listened to rap. Stupid shit like that, all the time. I truly hated the teachers there. They all seemed to put me down. i was a good student until 5th grade. From then on every single teacher drilled into my brain how terrible I was at solving problems, keeping organized, keeping my mouth shut or just acting normal. College is only in a year and I'm kind of freaking out. I don't want to grow up. It doesn't sound like fun. I still need to figure out what I want to do, where I want to go. But being stuck in my home will get me nowhere. I need to be on my own. Independent. Who knows, maybe to some soul searching and try and find out who the fuck I am. That would be nice. I'm not sure why I wrote all of this. It's always just built up inside and thrown together in a sloppy and unorganized manor.

Good Night