Char270590
July 22nd, 2011, 07:56 AM
...is the not knowing.
I'l try make a long story short.
Ok so basicly this guy at work was always flirty with me and eventually he told me he liked me. So we started seeing each other. Hung out, never did anything more than kiss. It didnt feel right for me. I don't fancy him and there just was no spark for me. He really liked me though and evetually told me that he fell for me. I broke it to him that i just want to be friends, nothing more and i said nothing will ever happen. So we remaind friends and he still wanted to hang out from time to time, like go for a drink or watch a movie. So i did just to show there was no hard feelings.
Eventually even though i told him i only wanted to be friends it was getting too full on. Like i'd be at work and he'd be texting me saying stuff like "where's my kiss?" "u look so sexy with ur hair like that today". I ignored it hoping he'd get the hint.
Anyways, nearly 2 weeks ago me and a girl from work arranged to meet up and get some hair stuff from town and we said we'd go have a cheeky drink at the pub. Before i knew it this guy from work was coming along. The girl must have invited him, i dunno. But he was then joking upto the lead up of it that he was gunna get me drunk and woo me. I thought it was a bit of banter but never acted up for it. In fact when ever he text that sort of stuff i made it clear that i don't do that kinda thing outside of a relationship so he;s got no chance not to mention i told him that i only want to be friends and don't want anything from him.
So anyway, that day came. Me and the girl went shopping, went to the pub and the guy came along. The girl (amy) bought me and her a big cocktail to share which went to my head quite fast cause i hadnt eaten much. Then the guy (josh) started buying me loads of drinks. Amy decided to go around 4pm and Josh asked me to stay just for another. I said i would but would be going for the bus soon and he was just laughing it off saying he'l get me a taxi but i insisted i wanted to get the bus. Anyways, before i know it im beyond drunk. He kept plying me and plying me with alcoholic drinks even though i said i wanted a coffee or a soft drink. He wouldnt get me that though. Anyways he nagged on and on at me to go back to his to watch a movie. I told him no at 1st but then i said oh go on then but im going home straight after. Anyways from there all i remember is him kissing me in the pub. I only reacted cause i was so drunk, i wouldnt have otherwise. So then after that all i remember is him ringing for a taxi. I don't actually remember being in the taxi or any of the journey. But i remember getting to his house and he made us a coffee and i chose the movie. Next thing (these are only parts i remember, rest is a blur), i don't remember him putting the movie on even though it was on but i'd passed out on his bed. I blurry eyed awoke to him having sex with me. I couldnt believe it, i sort of froze and just couldnt do anything. I pretended to be asleep still but i think he noticed i woke up cause i remember him mutterin summat and i didnt respond. He eventually stopped shortly after and when i awoke properly a few mins later i was proper crying. I told him im not that kinda girl. Then all i remember from there is that even though i was still mega drunk he was trying stuff again, i said i can't but he just carried on and i don't even know why but i started to go along with it, i remember crying at one point during all this, i don't know if it was when i started reacting back to his advances but i was also saying ouch a bit cause it hurt and he was just like "u havnt done this for a while have u". I even remember asking him if he had a condom, i don't think he actaully put one on even tho i told him to. Anyway, he was going at it and i just didnt want it, think i was crying at that point and pushed him away and said i can't. He moved away but its like he didnt know the meaning of me being too drunk and upset to want anything. Like he started touching me again minutes later. Then all i remember is he undid my bra and felt one of my boobs then tried to kiss them but i pushed him away then he started doing oral on me, i hated it and was pushing him away again and at first he wouldnt stop. Then he came to kiss me whilst on top of me and i turned my head. I don't even remember anything else from there other than feeling like complete and utter crap. I think i fell asleep again for a little and then i woke and got the taxi home. He offered me to stay over but i didnt wanna stay another minute with him.
The next day he text me like nothing had happened. I made it clear to him that i was annoyed. Then at work he was trying to act like my best friend but i just kept giving him the cold shoulder. I text him asking if he used a condom the 1st time he had sex with me (whilst passed out) , he just dodged the question and said it doesnt matter anyways cause he didnt ejaculate at any point.
So i went to the doctors today cause i want to get checked out. I have to go to the sexual health clinic in a few days and i may get a conscellor :/
What im saying is the worst feeling ever though is the fact that the couple of people i've told, 1 said its rape, others say its taking advantage and practicly rape. I just hate feeling like i don't know whats happened to me. Like he said he didnt ejaculate so would it still be rape? Also the fact i briefly went along with part of it. I just don't know, all i know its i feel very odd in myself since and weird and keep getting really down from time to time. Is this even within reason. I mean, he clearly doesnt think he's done anything wrong. I don't know what to call this situation but he knew sober or not, i never wanted anything like that and now its constantly on my mind cause i keep replaying it in my head trying to remember more and whether he did wrong or not :(
Soz for the essay. Was trying to get the whole story so that its easier to understand what this guy is like as a whole.
I'l try make a long story short.
Ok so basicly this guy at work was always flirty with me and eventually he told me he liked me. So we started seeing each other. Hung out, never did anything more than kiss. It didnt feel right for me. I don't fancy him and there just was no spark for me. He really liked me though and evetually told me that he fell for me. I broke it to him that i just want to be friends, nothing more and i said nothing will ever happen. So we remaind friends and he still wanted to hang out from time to time, like go for a drink or watch a movie. So i did just to show there was no hard feelings.
Eventually even though i told him i only wanted to be friends it was getting too full on. Like i'd be at work and he'd be texting me saying stuff like "where's my kiss?" "u look so sexy with ur hair like that today". I ignored it hoping he'd get the hint.
Anyways, nearly 2 weeks ago me and a girl from work arranged to meet up and get some hair stuff from town and we said we'd go have a cheeky drink at the pub. Before i knew it this guy from work was coming along. The girl must have invited him, i dunno. But he was then joking upto the lead up of it that he was gunna get me drunk and woo me. I thought it was a bit of banter but never acted up for it. In fact when ever he text that sort of stuff i made it clear that i don't do that kinda thing outside of a relationship so he;s got no chance not to mention i told him that i only want to be friends and don't want anything from him.
So anyway, that day came. Me and the girl went shopping, went to the pub and the guy came along. The girl (amy) bought me and her a big cocktail to share which went to my head quite fast cause i hadnt eaten much. Then the guy (josh) started buying me loads of drinks. Amy decided to go around 4pm and Josh asked me to stay just for another. I said i would but would be going for the bus soon and he was just laughing it off saying he'l get me a taxi but i insisted i wanted to get the bus. Anyways, before i know it im beyond drunk. He kept plying me and plying me with alcoholic drinks even though i said i wanted a coffee or a soft drink. He wouldnt get me that though. Anyways he nagged on and on at me to go back to his to watch a movie. I told him no at 1st but then i said oh go on then but im going home straight after. Anyways from there all i remember is him kissing me in the pub. I only reacted cause i was so drunk, i wouldnt have otherwise. So then after that all i remember is him ringing for a taxi. I don't actually remember being in the taxi or any of the journey. But i remember getting to his house and he made us a coffee and i chose the movie. Next thing (these are only parts i remember, rest is a blur), i don't remember him putting the movie on even though it was on but i'd passed out on his bed. I blurry eyed awoke to him having sex with me. I couldnt believe it, i sort of froze and just couldnt do anything. I pretended to be asleep still but i think he noticed i woke up cause i remember him mutterin summat and i didnt respond. He eventually stopped shortly after and when i awoke properly a few mins later i was proper crying. I told him im not that kinda girl. Then all i remember from there is that even though i was still mega drunk he was trying stuff again, i said i can't but he just carried on and i don't even know why but i started to go along with it, i remember crying at one point during all this, i don't know if it was when i started reacting back to his advances but i was also saying ouch a bit cause it hurt and he was just like "u havnt done this for a while have u". I even remember asking him if he had a condom, i don't think he actaully put one on even tho i told him to. Anyway, he was going at it and i just didnt want it, think i was crying at that point and pushed him away and said i can't. He moved away but its like he didnt know the meaning of me being too drunk and upset to want anything. Like he started touching me again minutes later. Then all i remember is he undid my bra and felt one of my boobs then tried to kiss them but i pushed him away then he started doing oral on me, i hated it and was pushing him away again and at first he wouldnt stop. Then he came to kiss me whilst on top of me and i turned my head. I don't even remember anything else from there other than feeling like complete and utter crap. I think i fell asleep again for a little and then i woke and got the taxi home. He offered me to stay over but i didnt wanna stay another minute with him.
The next day he text me like nothing had happened. I made it clear to him that i was annoyed. Then at work he was trying to act like my best friend but i just kept giving him the cold shoulder. I text him asking if he used a condom the 1st time he had sex with me (whilst passed out) , he just dodged the question and said it doesnt matter anyways cause he didnt ejaculate at any point.
So i went to the doctors today cause i want to get checked out. I have to go to the sexual health clinic in a few days and i may get a conscellor :/
What im saying is the worst feeling ever though is the fact that the couple of people i've told, 1 said its rape, others say its taking advantage and practicly rape. I just hate feeling like i don't know whats happened to me. Like he said he didnt ejaculate so would it still be rape? Also the fact i briefly went along with part of it. I just don't know, all i know its i feel very odd in myself since and weird and keep getting really down from time to time. Is this even within reason. I mean, he clearly doesnt think he's done anything wrong. I don't know what to call this situation but he knew sober or not, i never wanted anything like that and now its constantly on my mind cause i keep replaying it in my head trying to remember more and whether he did wrong or not :(
Soz for the essay. Was trying to get the whole story so that its easier to understand what this guy is like as a whole.