Two blades and suicide

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

Turns out i have two blades right in the grasp of my own hands. Its a eye pencil sharpener, one hole for smaller pencils the other for bigger, and then the two blades to sharpen them.
I know i shouldnt use then and that i should give them to my parents.
But i need to use them, i need to unscrew them from the plastic and then put it in...well, you get the idea.
I just need to find a new place to cut, maybe my thighs? I already cut there, and its not going to be seen since i bought a mini skirt for a swim suit bottom so it wont show. Maybe thats where ill do my job for when my emotions get to strong to handle or for when i punish myself for being ugly or stupid.
I have tried rubber bands, writing, red ice cube, listening to music, going for a walk, doing my hair and just plain crying.
I dont know why im posting this, it doesnt sound like im asking for help. It doesnt sound like i need help. I guess i just got over excited that i have blades that will help me.
I should cut at night, which ive failed at many times but when i do it at night no one notices. If someone asks me to come outside i wont have to leave with blood soaking my pants. Or when someone comes into my room i wont look suspicious.
Do i sound nuts?



Just a minute ago i wanted to kill myself and i found myself looking at suicide notes and letters. Is that wrong?
Is this a post where your going to read an not respond? Probably, in that case this post wasnt important enough to put up. So there.

[FearsomeEnder]

I find it very confusing to be that cutting seems to be addicting ive never cut before and I never will And this post was important you should just vent out your frustration if you want im always available so if you need someone to talk to im here :D

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

But u dont NEED to cut,u want to. I get how strong the urges can be,but I know ur stronger. I understand how frustrating it can be when u try other things,and they dont work. It takes time but there is something that will help,even if its only alittle. For me its painting. Ur not crazy,ur hurting. Difference. I get extreme impulses to kill myself,and sometimes I even write a letter in case I act on it. But other times it helps me vent,and then I throw it away. Its not wrong,but its dangerous. Do u talk to anyone like a therapist for example about this,bc I would hate for u to act on the want to commit suicide.

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

Thanks, that really helped me :)

[FearsomeEnder]

lol i wish i understood why people cut

[sarahann95]

As MurderedKisses said, you don't NEED to cut, you want to. I know what you are going through. I don't believe you are crazy; you are just hurting. It's always good to just vent about what is bothering you. I use to never do that, and because of it, I did almost kill myself. I wanted to. But, when I did start venting to people I trust, and knew they wouldn't judge, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulder and I didn't want to harm myself. But I will admit, I still get impulses to just kill myself, and it's to the point where I think of several ways I can. But like I said, when I vent to someone, that impulse slowly goes away.
It's always good to have something that will help you not cut. For me, it was writing poetry (and venting, but I've said that enough times) and drawing.

[Becka]

Some people need to cut but I HAVE to. I started cutting last year because of drama and stress. After I started I couldn't stop. My OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) wouldn't let me. Sometimes I still cut............I cannot stop no matter what I do.