Serious help with my best friend?

[Starbuck]

I feel a little bit uncomfortable writing this, but I might as well ask for help. That's the reason I joined!

A few of you may have read my first thread about my friend Mikael. If not, here's a synposis:

Mikael has been living with me for about three weeks because of family issues. He's very self-conscious about himself because he has a feeding tube and he can't eat normally. He also has another problem, which somehow I failed to write in my first thread; he has crossed eyes. He looks like he's staring at his nose. He's very self-conscious about it as well, and because of it he's really shy and fragile.

Anyways...lately I've been realizing that I'm having feelings that I've never had before. Mikael and I are very open and we like to be close to one another, and recently we've been laying together in bed at night. I find myself staying up for hours fighting the temptation to run my fingers across his soft skin and play with him down below. When we lay together I want to take him in my arms and kiss him and feel how warm and soft his skin is, and touch and suck on his penis, which I've seen before and I've dreamt about.

When we're together he's happier and not as self-conscious, but he's very lonely and he sticks with me mostly because he feels unhappy and uncomfortable around people he fears might judge him for his looks. But I love everything about him; I think his bright blue eyes, even though they're crossed, are absolutely beautiful, and I love his body. His personality is also very attractive; although he's depressed and self-conscious his true self is very beautiful. When I'm with him I feel light-headed and happy, and when I see him my heart flutters. I want to be around him all of the time and I get jealous when I see him talking to other people, which is rare; especially with other males.

These feelings are relatively new to me and I don't know what to do. Mikael is my best friend; I've been attracted to males before, but I never expected I'd feel this way about him. He's very close to me; we've kissed before, we've showered before, and we lay in bed together all the time. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way about me as I feel about him. I don't want to lose him, but the temptations I have are so strong I don't know if I can control my feelings. What should I do?

[VamosToro]

So I assume you are gay or bi because you've been attracted to guys before. Is your relationship not already awkward because you've kissed and showered before? Just ask him what he wants to do. If I were you I wouldn't pursue it because you two are friends. What if you break up, you could ruin his confidence even more? But if he feels the same way and you don't date him, he could become more self conscious. So there are positives and negatives to both scenarios. Just do what's in your heart I guess.

[DerBear]

Well like everyone else you have 3 options in this case.

1) You can tell him how you feel and then move on the possible outcomes i.e he feels the same as you. or he does not feel the same as you. But you will have to deal with either one of these outcomes.

2) You can not tell him how you feel and you will wonder for time to come if you had told him and you will have to deal with this.

3) You can wait and then use your best judgment on what you should do.

You and your friend have something special whitch is a good strong bond of caring you care for him and from this post and the other one you made in F&F I think he cares for you 2.

I would suggest you tell him but as you know this may damage that special bond but if you dont at least ask you will never know.

Hope this helps
Derri

[Starbuck]

Thank you for your replies :).

I really don't want to ruin our friendship; I love him too much, if I lost him my life would be over. We're very close and we're physical with each other, but I can't be completely sure he feels the same way I feel about him. We aren't awkward around each other, even when we shower together, and we kiss all the time, not romantically or using our tongues, just on the lips. It isn't sexual or romantic, it's more friendly and we laugh about it afterwards, although it isn't a joke in the least. We're just very close and touchy with each other and it's driving me crazy. It makes my feelings much more strong and I can barely stand it.

I want to tell him, because if he feels the same way our relationship could be amazing...I'd finally have a sex life, and I'd finally be able to hold his hand and kiss him and hold him and call him my own. I just don't know if I should risk it :/. I can't lose him.

[DerBear]

Then go for it i say being afraid is natural but i think you should go for it with what you have just said you really love him and i think he will be the same and if you get rejected i dont think this will ruin your bond

I say go for it living in fear does not get you far

[Starbuck]

I don't think he'd abandon me, but he might feel awkward. I don't think I could bear him not wanting to lay with me at night, or to not want to shower with me, or to not want to sit as close with me or to cuddle up to me and give me all of the love he has. If I lost his affection or his trust it'd be as good as over :/.

[DerBear]

I don't think he'd abandon me, but he might feel awkward. I don't think I could bear him not wanting to lay with me at night, or to not want to shower with me, or to not want to sit as close with me or to cuddle up to me and give me all of the love he has. If I lost his affection or his trust it'd be as good as over :/.

By what you have just said he has given you everything he has to offer you. now its time to make your mind up

[IanMilo]

It sounds like he likes you too. Obviously there is a chance he just wants to be friends. So he may feel awkward when you ask but give him some space and time, because you two are so close he will come around I am sure. Best of luck to you two.

[Starbuck]

I never thought of it like that...maybe he has given me everything he has to offer. Maybe he's waiting for me to make a move. His actions are affectionate and loving and he always wants to spend time with me. Maybe he wants me to respond with more aggressive action...

I still don't know, though. Our relationship is too precious to lose.

[IanMilo]

I doubt you would lose your relationship just by asking. He loves you oto much for tthat even if just as a reeally good friend, the bond you two share baseed ewhat I have seen is to strong to be broken just from one question

[DerBear]

I never thought of it like that...maybe he has given me everything he has to offer. Maybe he's waiting for me to make a move. His actions are affectionate and loving and he always wants to spend time with me. Maybe he wants me to respond with more aggressive action...

I still don't know, though. Our relationship is too precious to lose.

i think you should act all the "signs" are there you best act you wont lose him by asking

[Starbuck]

He might feel awkward though. We lay together in bed, we cuddle, we shower together, we kiss—he might feel that's completely platonic, but if he knows I have different, more sexual and aggressive feelings, he may not want to do those things with me anymore. And those things he does with me I love and I need. I couldn't bear to lose that, even if I don't lose him as a friend. I want to be close and to touch and experience him in every way.

[DerBear]

He might feel awkward though. We lay together in bed, we cuddle, we shower together, we kiss—he might feel that's completely platonic, but if he knows I have different, more sexual and aggressive feelings, he may not want to do those things with me anymore. And those things he does with me I love and I need. I couldn't bear to lose that, even if I don't lose him as a friend. I want to be close and to touch and experience him in every way.

Then take it slow

maybe show him your VT posts

I think you love him and he at least has strong feelings for you

Talk to him maybe its for the best as i said you never know until you find out

[IanMilo]

Take the leap. Otherwise you will spend your whole life asking what if. Every moment in your life has led up to this moment. Now you have to decide to act on it. I can almost guarentee even if he says no, after a while he will get over the awkwardness and be the same person. However, if you ask me, i would say he feels similarly, go for it. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

[Starbuck]

I have a feeling he feels the same way too...but I can't be sure. I don't think he'd abandon me but he may isolate himself. He's been so hurt and abused in his life and he may not be able to cope with knowing that someone loves him so much. He's never really been loved in his entire life; I only came around 3 years ago...

[DerBear]

love can touch us one time and last for a life time---celine dion

thought i would qoute that as it kinda applies here in a sense he will if u tell him always know he has someone who loves him

no one is ever sure if someone loves them until one person asks

i really do think you should ask

[Starbuck]

I've told him I love him and I'll always be here, but I probably don't do it enough. You guys have helped me realize that maybe he'd accept my feelings...I'd hope he would, at the very least. I want to take the leap because I need him, and I hope he needs me just as much!

[DerBear]

Well good luck with what you choose to do keep us updated this has been a rather touching thread

[Starbuck]

I'll definitely keep you updated, I'll ask him tonight actually! I feel more confident now and if I wait I'll probably chicken out. I'll ask him as soon as he wakes up and he's comfortable.

[DerBear]

Go for it and good luck :)

[Starbuck]

I'll be back soon, so if you want to wait it out...:D

Hopefully I'll come back before tomorrow.

[DerBear]

I'll be back soon, so if you want to wait it out...:D

Hopefully I'll come back before tomorrow.

i will be on for awhile but i will then go off for awhile to get some sleep its 3:06am here in the UK

also how old are you both as it will help in part of the understanding

[IanMilo]

I'm really happy for you! I never even knew who you were until like a few hour ago! But you have really touched me! I really hope things work out for the best. And just in case (this is highly unlikely) he isolates himself. Hive him time and space. He will come around because he will probably just need time to absorb it all if you say he has never really been loved like that before. Even if things go well, he still might need a little time just to absorb it. Be patient and love him like you always do, but just be prepared to give him a little space even if he says yes. And again, I am really happy for you. You really inspire me, so does he! I almost want to run out tonight and just go ask out every guy I was ever to scared to ask during my life. I really am proud of you for taking the leap! And I hope to hear all about your successful happy years :)

[Starbuck]

He's still sleeping :). He's tired.

@Derri: We're both 17, so we aren't too young.

@IanMilo: You're really nice :). I'm going to be brave tonight and tell him how I feel. There's no better time than tonight, while I'm still confident and positive. If I wait until tomorrow I'll lose that confidence and I won't tell him. I think I need to tell him. My heart won't let me hold it in forever.

I'm glad I helped you, somehow :D. I'm trying to be confident; you should be too! You should take your chances and ask those boys out. You may be surprised.

[IanMilo]

Thanks :) I actually just got done posting my singles rant so I'm in a much better mood. I really hope things work out well! Keep us updated! and write a blog every now and then so I can keep seeing how y'all do :) Y'all are like the best love story I have heard in ages. And because you guys are older I say you have a better chance of lasting :) So best of luck to you! Stay confident, you seem like a great guy so you deserve this!

[Starbuck]

I'll be back soon, he's actually waking up now :). I'll update you in a little while!

[Starbuck]

Sorry for the double post, but I have an update. I told Mikael how I felt :')

[IanMilo]

How'd he take it!?!?!?!

[Starbuck]

Hehe well...it went really well. A lot better than I expected. And it was quick. He's amazing <3.

[IanMilo]

So are y'all like, a couple now? or what? I'm sooooo happy :) I literally jumped out of my chair for you!

[Starbuck]

Haha maybe. I'll write a blog about it in detail later (he's bathing now, he'll probably be back in 15-20 minutes) but we both admitted how we felt about each other. I was so nervous I was breathing hard and I was sweating but he was really patient with me. It took about 15 minutes for me to tell him I loved him.

[Angel Androgynous]

Wow! I read through all of that, and I must say, that's very sweet. ^_^
I hope everything works out for you two! <3

[IanMilo]

I'll be religiously checking your blog to see how it happened! I love you two even though I don't know you! I hope you have a great time together! Tonight ought to be interesting for y'all :)

[Starbuck]

Ah well...we've already made out a little bit. He was the leader suprisingly, he led me along and he taught me how to use my tongue a bit. I could barely breathe I was so nervous, but he was so patient and kind. He made out with me for about 10 minutes non-stop.

[IanMilo]

Awwww <3 :) I'm so happy for you! Make sure you breathe through your nose! Haha don't forget to breathe! So I guess now the question is- how is your family going to take it? If y'all plan to be able to sleep together still I suggest not telling them unless they are really cool about it

[Starbuck]

We aren't going to tell them. It's probably better if we don't. My parents aren't homophobes but I don't think they're really gay-friendly either. We'll keep it a secret, it only concerns us anyways. We lock the door at night so they don't know we sleep together, but they don't mind that we keep the door locked anyways.

Mikael's still in the bath, I'll try to write the blog now. Hopefully it'll be detailed enough :D.

[IanMilo]

It better be detailed enough! haha :) And once again (I have said it way to much) I am so happy for you guys! :) You are really lucky to have someone like him!

[Starbuck]

Thank you :). I'm in the process of writing it, hopefully it'll be done before he gets back. But he's taking his time, teasing me I suppose :D.

[IanMilo]

Haha :) Probably :) Well I can't wait to read it! Let me know when it's done!

[Starbuck]

It's about half-way done.

[IanMilo]

You keep saying that :) haha. But I'll wait! it's totally worth it!

[Starbuck]

Almost done :).

[IanMilo]

:) yay! I'm still happy for y'all

[Starbuck]

Finally finished. And the thing is...he isn't back yet! Now he's just teasing me.

[IanMilo]

Go join him then!

[Starbuck]

I'll join him in the shower tomorrow. It'll be easier to "experiment" with him in the shower rather then sitting in the bathtub :D.

[IanMilo]

I find baths fun :) And put the link to your blog! I'm to lazy to do all the work to find it

[Starbuck]

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/blog.php?b=36771

Here you go!

[IanMilo]

That one won't work, its the administrative page. Whats the blog called?

[Starbuck]

7/20. It's just the date.

[IanMilo]

Ughhh I can't find it :9

[Starbuck]

Um...go to my profile, then go under statistics. Then go to "View all blog entries". It should be there.

[IanMilo]

It won't let meeee :(

[Starbuck]

Really? I can see yours...I don't know how else to show you :(.

Anyways, he's back. I'll update the blog tomorrow, depending on what we do tonight ;).

[death_to_my_heart]

haha what do u wanna do haha

[IanMilo]

Haha well If you had 100 posts I'd tell you to pm me, but you don't :( You could email me if It doesnt work tomorrow!

[Scarface]

Keep this thread on topic otherwise take it to Visitor Messages.

[IanMilo]

Keep this thread on topic otherwise take it to Visitor Messages.

Sorry :( Got caught up in the excitment