relapse time

[nnnnnnnnn9999]

im getting effing kicked out of residential treatment by my effing insurance. i know im not ready and that im just gonna effing relapse! truthfully im happy to have a relapse now. ive been waiting to do it for so long. the thing that i dont want to relapse for is the cutting. i know im not ready though and will at least try to avoid that, but i dont think o can. so effing thanks to UBH im just gonna relapse. sorry for my ranting btw just gotta let it out.

[Amaryllis]

Don't kick the shoe off before it even is. If you say you'll relapse, you will. Have faith that you'll recover and trust yourself and those around you.

Skinny does not equal happiness. I was 50 pounds and miserable. Letting Ana drag you down will only do just that, drag you down. Pick yourself up because you know you can. Because you want to. Because no good comes of this.

My friends left me, my mother cried every night and I was obsessed with food. I watched the food channel like it was porn, calorie counted like it was my religion and read recipe books like they were comics. I couldn't sleep because I was so underweight. So every night at 2am in the morning, I'd be pacing up and down the corridor burning calories.

I was beautiful BEFORE anorexia. I was talented, smart and I had hope. Now I'm heavier than I ever was. But I'm happier. I'm re-making friends and re-finding my love for singing and life. And most of all, I'm doing what I can to help others now and that's what I want. For others to be happy because when they are, I am.

Why do you want to relapse? Because you're fat? And what will being skinny do? Will it make people love you more? Will you love yourself? It's an obsession. Ana is like a cigarette to a smoker and pain to a cutter. The longer you hold on, the harder it is to let go. So what if you relapsed, pick yourself back up because no good comes from staying down there.

You're running up an escalator that's going down. You're going against our natural survival mechanisms, you're fighting your own body. You cannot be anorexic forever. You have 2 choices: Recovery or death.

Why pick death? You've come too far to let it all go. Hold on. Pick yourself back up. Anorexia ruined my life but I did it. I'm on my way of getting rid of it once and for all and I will NEVER TURN BACK. Believe me, it gets easier.

Love,
Faith And Trust