Suicide Season

[dajakesta10]

Well, to be honest, every single day I have an opportunity to kill myself, and every single one of them I think about it and weigh the pros and cons, though the longer I wait, the less pros I can think of. The less pros I can think of, the more I want to just end my grief. I have friends, yes Many? No. Popular friends? No. I'm not popular, in fact I am an undesirable. The people at school would rather shovel shit than hang out with me. This probably starts with the fact that I go to school in a relatively run down area, though I am better at subjects than most other people. I speak proper English instead of "Chav English", correcting people on their grammar mistakes. This alone makes me uncool. To add to this,I am bisexual. Meaning that any chav that has ever lived automatically hates the living piss out of me, even though it is a proven fact that every single person (that isn't asexual, of course) has sexual feelings towards the same gender, especially during puberty. There are many rumors about me having a sexual relationship involving my best friend. They are all untrue, however even if they weren't, it would still be none of their business. I am recovering from self harm, thus I am accused of being "emo" by every person that I some into contact with, even my parents. The person that I have the most feelings for, as I have mentioned in previous posts, is not only male, not only a year younger than me, not only does he wear glasses and is considered to be extremely annoying, but he's also fat. This doesn't help me to not be embarrassed that he doesn't accept me. I just want to know that maybe he does care about me. Though now I've ruined his life. His poor life, that he never had a chance at, all because of me. I just wanna know that maybe I haven't fucked up too bad and that maybe there is another way.

[Donna Noble]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad lately, and while I can't understand everything you're going through, there are some parts of this that I totally get. School sucks, really. People are really very concerned with social appearence and being in with the cool guys that they forget how to talk proper english and accept people despite their differences. If it wasn't for this I imagine school would be completely different and much more enjoyable. Try not to worry over popularity. It's just an excuse for people to act cooler than they are and more obnoxious without being seen by the majority as what they are. You'll be happier forgetting that and being more happy with the friends you have, remember: quality not quantity.

No matter what people say about you you will always know better yourself as to who you are and what you've done. Don't let the name calling and rumours get you down. If everyone did then the world would be a sad and depressive place. Remember, you alone can know what you are, what does it matter what they think? Love yourself, because you're amazing despite all of what they tell you or call you. :)

[Njathind]

Like Holly said bud, take no notice of the people at school. School is just a popularity contest, everyone does the inn thing just to be cool and look socially exceptable. I bet deep down some of the people at school are so fake, they just say what they need to say to fit in.

When I left school and started college, no one from my school went there, which was a good thing for me, I had a fresh start, I didn't change anything about the way I behaved and acted, I was the same guy that I was at school, and people accepted me. Well there was one guy who was a knob and didnt like me, but everyone in my class thought he was a dick to.

Just let what people think and say go over your head, they are all so vein and just wanna fit in.

[IanMilo]

Don't let the people who have made things harder win. Show everyone that you are stronger than they will ever be <3 Don't throw away everything over something as insignificant as stupid morons who don't know shit. Stay Strong

[zuluman78]

You haven't fucked up anything, its just you being you and people being people. People always say crap behind your back no matter what, its part of life. Dont let what others say bring you down, like said school is just a popularity contest and there's no need for to worry over such a thing. Just be who you are and express it :D

[kuuliluuk]

Hollie, I know very well what you feel. If you feel that bad you must know that I love you! Despite I do not know you! I still do! I have been in similar position as you are now, only because of that I love you.
I would suggest you to cry. that would give you some immediate ease. Then, you certainly have friends! Look around, perhaps you do not notice them and you might be pushing them away when you feel bad? At least there are some virtual friends if nothing else. :) Like me :)
To get more serious, think what are the chances to change your current school? Talk with your parents about that. Tell them you feel bad at that school.
I would remind that if you have average parents, they do care about you!!! They might not understand immediately, but they still care about you. A lot. You just need to know that. even if talking them might feel awkward. They might live in illusion that everything is just fine as you do not communicate with them. To be honest I don't now. I am just guessing.

Mario,
with virtual hugs ;)