Friend with problem

[foxflyer]

My friend believes that he is overweight and thinks that deliberately vomiting can solve his problems. I have explained to him that he is perfectly normal just the way he is, but he relentlessly tells me that he is overweight, and that if I respect him, that I would accept his choices.

I explained to him that doing this harms your body in many ways, but he continued to state that he wanted to lose weight. I asked him why he wanted to lose weight, and he continued to think of himself as overweight.

He is 15, about 5' 11" and 160lbs, and he continues to say that he is overweight, and he is afraid that if he does not do it that he will become fat, because he is not getting rid of enough calories. But he is an active guy, he rides his bike nearly every day, he goes to the gym multiple times a week, and he participates in various other activities that keep him in motion.

If anyone can help me help him, I would be very grateful. I don't want to see my good friend hurt himself. He told me to just drop it, but I just can't...I just want him safe. If he lived near me, I would be there always to help him with this, but he lives in the UK, so I can't be a direct physical force to support him. I have saved our conversation that we had today for future reference, should anyone else need any more information.

Help please!

[skater94]

There isn't much you could other than talk to him. Clearly, you know what's best for him. You just got to keep telling him that he isn't overweight. Be careful of being too persistent. If he doesn't want to talk about, you should drop the topic. There's only so much a friend can do to help a friend out.

[foxflyer]

Yeah, but I feel that if I don't keep at it and drop the topic that he'll take it as a sign of my acceptance of his situation. And I want to do everything I can to help him drive away from that path.

[Amaryllis]

Tell him if he makes his body live on only a little bit of food, he won't be able to do sport, he won't be able to concentrate, he's going to die and he will fall into a deep, dark pit hole of depression.

And share my story with him.

I was 13 when I developed anorexia. I didn't know it, at first. I was just EXTREMELY obsessed with losing weight. I ate really little and exercised like no tomorrow. I isolated myself from everyone because I was so scared of eating in front of them or just... Anything. I was OBSESSED with food. Food was my friend. Food was my enemy. I didn't care about anyone or anything else.

I used to love singing, music was my life, now food was. Each day, I fell deeper and deeper into the grasps of Ana(anorexia). I dropped from a straight A student to a straight B. I hated that voice in my head telling me "You're fat. You're ugly. You're useless. You're a nobody. You don't deserve food. You don't deserve anything. You should just die. You should starve. You should disappear."

I hated that voice. But most of all, I hated me.

I didn't even know I had a problem. I never believed it was possible. When I watched documentaries about anorexics I was always like "Ewww. Why would anyone do that?! That's crazy!"

But I woke up one day, at 50 pounds and realised "Hey, I'm one of them" and then "I'm going to die" When you have an eating disorder, you don't have much of a choice. Either you choose recovery, or you choose death.

I wanted to stop. I didn't mean to go so low. Really. But when I realised, it was too late, I COULDN'T stop. I was addicted. Like a smoker to cigarettes. A cutter to pain. I couldn't. I wanted to but I COULDN'T. I was so scared of eating. So scared of being fat. So, so scared.

It was like I was a child again. My mom had to do everything for me because I was too weak to do it myself. I didn't sleep. I exercised non-stop from 10pm-4am everyday. I couldn't sleep. I was much too underweight. My body was burning itself for fuel. It was painful. Physically and mentally. My organs were shutting down one by one.

They threatened to put me on the tube if I didn't eat so I did. But I still mashed up food with my fork and spread it around the plate, I hid food under napkins, "accidentally" dropped them on the floor but I never cried over food, not once. I wanted control. I wanted to be made of steel. Like one of those people trained to withstand torture. I loved the pain of hunger. I felt pure. In control. Beautiful.

Sometimes I wanted to die. In fact, most of the time I did. I was obsessed with food. I read cookbooks like they were bibles, watched cooking channels like they were porn, stared at people eat like they were some wonderful circus act. I loved food. But I hated the calories in them. I calorie-counted like it was a religion.

I was puking my guts out one day because I was so sick. My body had finally given up on me. It was shutting down. A part of me was glad. I couldn't take the pain anymore. Couldn't take the obsession. The thoughts of food bombarding me every second of the day. I wanted out.

But a little voice that was always there told me no. I couldn't. I was scared. I wasn't ready to die. I'd gone so far. I couldn't. I had to be strong. My mom cried. Every day. My friends gave up on me. People whispered behind my back. Some did it with me at the next table, they said things like "Anorexics are disgusting" and I knew I was but I couldn't do anything. Ana was much too strong and I was much too weak to fight back.

You will never be good enough if you don't love yourself. No number will be light enough. No size skinny enough. You will never be happy. Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't do this to yourself. You have potential. You have a life. Ana took mine. I was beautiful, I was talented and smart, I WAS. Now I'm just rebuilding the skeleton she left me with.

But I'm getting there. Anorexia was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I spent my 14th birthday freaking out over half a slice of birthday cake. In the end, I ended up heavier than I ever was. But that's better than Ana. Anything would be better than Ana. Others you can run from, you can't run from yourself.

Love,
Faith And Trust

[LKIFMRUG9556]

I agree with alot of whats been said. You a really good friend for trying to help him. :)