alone...

[morbidmonkey]

People are around me, but i don't feel like they're really with me. I feel constantly alone and boy do I want to cut, but this house is so goddamn small I can't do anything without them suspecting. Somebody please talk me out of it! Usually the feeling would've gone away by now, but its still there. If my sister just takes one step out I might just go nuts with some random sharp thing. I'm so pathetic....everybody would be better without me around...sigh...what a world, what. a. world.

[CyanideGoodnight]

First, your not pathetic. I saw your on day 8, that's amazing, I havn't gone to day 8 in over two weeks. Second, rant out what your feeling, see if that helps, it can be here or anywhere, and if that dosn't work, try distracting yourself. You can beat this

[Amaryllis]

You're more than you think you are. You're stronger than you think you are. Hold on. You can do this. You'll break the addiction one day. I'm only on Day 1. Soooo come on, you can do this, girl.

Faith And Trust

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

I know what u mean. I can be surrounded by people and feel completely alone & empty. Like their there,but I still feel totally isolated. I have no connection to hardly anyone,and it drives me crazy. Ur NOT pathetic,u want closeness,to feel something. Urges r so hard to fight,but I know ur strong enough to get threw it and not give in. No matter what u feel,ur family loves u,they would be lost without,whether u know it or not,people need u. U can get past this. Just take one step at a time. : )

[morbidmonkey]

I swear to god! I would be hurting so much inside, but do u think she cares? Hell no. Emotions are just slipping away...and its so pointless to talk about my feelings cuz all my family ever does is either argue with me for thinking like that or if i try to tell my friends the shit i have to deal with they don't take it seriously. i want to jump off this building...they probably won't even notice i'm gone

[Amaryllis]

Ella(could I call you that? It's a beautiful name btw), they just don't understand. And people fear what they don't understand. It doesn't mean they don't love you, it just means they don't know what to do. My mum always asked me what was so bad about my life and she still screams at me, asking me why I'm so selfish and why I wallow in "self-pity". The thing is though, they don't MEAN to hurt you. They don't WANT you to die.

They just don't know what to do.

Sometimes people are blind. They only see what's on the outside, they only see what they know and the scars. For me, anorexia and self-harm was sort of a way for me to show the pain I felt inside, I guess. I mean sometimes I wanna scream at my mom and say "I have a bloody eating disorder! Is THAT bad enough for you?!"

But the thing is though, they DO care. But what can they do? They don't know how to help you.

And most of all, admitting you have a problem is admitting they cannot help their precious little girl on their own, they feel like they've failed as parents and your friends, people see what they want to see, Ella. They don't want to see the cruelty in this world.

We're older on the inside than a lot of people. I don't tell my friends because I want them to hold on to their innocence, the innocence I envy so, so much. They don't know. I mean, they probably know about self-harm and depression, but they'd never imagine it on someone they actually knew.

I dropped to 50 pounds. Now I'm back to normal but no one's mentioned the "anorexia" word in context to me, at least, not to my face. Honestly, I wanted someone to notice when I was 50 pounds. Now I don't even look the part.

But it's okay, Ella. We might not be your real life friends but we're here. And honestly, you are your own best friend. Only you know.

Love,
Faith And Trust

[morbidmonkey]

Thanks Z (if I can call you that). I hope one day SOMEBODY will be able to help us, all of us. But while we wait for that, we should try to keep strong...and not hurt ourselves.