I've got this weird lump...

[mistral]

Uhh... I don't really know how to say this...

I found this weird lump on my... 'captain's quarters'. You know those giant pimples you get that are buried deep within your skin and not ready to pop yet? Sorta like that. It hurts when I touch it (like any other sore pimple) and when I scratch it, it gets irritated the way a pimple does.

Please tell me this isn't serious.

[Ambrosia]

I'm not too sure what a "captains quarter" is but, if it's what I'm thinking, it might be an ingrown hair. They are common in the area that I am GUESSING you mean. Stop poking at it because you're going to irritate it and make it worse. If you, by a chance, it IS where I'm guessing, and you shave, you might want to be a bit careful about how you do so.