BDD

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

I dont have it for certain but when i read all the side affects and took a quiz it pointed to yes. I could type for hours on end about how i feel and look. Why am i posting this? Because i need to vent to someone who will listen. First off, when i was reading the side affects i almost cried, changing your clothes often, every wednesday and sunday i change at least 4-6 times, at most 8. Christian meeting and when i go i feel fat and ugly and i dont fit in. I dont like my face, i wish i had someone else's face. Its to round, and i dont like the way my eye brows are curved. I dont like my lips, theyre to thin. My eyes are blue but i wish they were more blue than grey. My boobs are to big and they dont fit my body, i want a flat stomach and smaller hips. I want the scars on my arms to go away. I wish my hair was blonder, its dirty blonde but i dont like it that much at all. I NEED to lose weight. Ive already posted about this but i havent stopped thinking about it for 6 hours! Is that wrong D: After the Winnie the Pooh movie around 1, i havent stopped thinking about how big i am and how little i need to be. The girls at my hall are so much skinnier and prettier than me and have better looking clothes even if i try to buy cool clothes i always feel like i need to wear what they are wearing. They have smaller boobs, better looking faces, nice eye brows. They have a real social life and i have agoraphobia. my parents and therapist think i only cut because i have panic attack episodes where i freak out and need to let the pain exit. But they dont know that half the time i just plain hate the way i look on the outside and then i feel like crap on the inside and i must punish myself for being so ugly. For thinking negatively about someone who isnt good looking at all, i hate that im ugly. I want to cut right now! I dont deserve to live ive been through so much and all my life ive been called ugly in so many different ways and i believe it and i SEE it I want to steal someone elses body. I might end up paying 5,000 for a boob reduction, yay! NOT have to pay money so my back wont hurt so much. I have terrible posture, or so my dad says and my back always hurts when i sit up straight and put my shoulders back. Will my self esteem boost up if i get it? I dont know but i really do hope its a yes. Soon there will be chocolate cheese cake, which i dont want to eat because theres going to be so many calories in it. But im a chocoholic. So its going to be torture! Maybe i should send this to my therapist, i might get the help i need. At least i dont have an eating disorder! I wont allow myself to have one because i wont be able to hide it until dad gets a job again. Then i will be able to drink so much tea to speed up my metabolism and eat only fruits and vegetables and meat. No dessert!!!!!!That will just keep the fat on me that i know is disgusting. Well, if i hide an eating disorder my mood will plumage so badly that it will be obvious so i might as well just be a health freak and walk as much as i can every day. I should start that i just feel so bad about how i look now that all i want to do is hide and not go to the treadmill or even go outside where people can see me and think "yah, that girl needs to walk off those 50 pounds!" i ALWAYS think that when someone drives by or rides their bike by me and then i have to force myself to think that i am walking home from a friends house so that it wont look like im trying to lose weight by walking in public. And i dont want to spend to much time on the treadmill when dad or mom is around, cause then it might get suspicious. As long as i dont hide alot of things then my therapist wont get concerned and she wont have to tell my parents to watch what i eat or control my treadmill time, if that ever happens my whole world will come crumbling down. I did think about having an eating disorder so i could lose weight fast, my therapist asked me if i ever thought about it and i told her than i did but i wont because i wont be able to hide puking from them. A smelly bathroom, a girl who wont eat in front of her own parents? That doesnt sound good. Yes, this is going to be sent to my therapist and ill just hope for the best.

[bambino]

Hey there

I'm really glad my post shed light on your own problem. I remember finding out I had BDD and it was such a relief to finally explain why I felt so terrible ALL THE TIME.

One thing I found [at my worst point] was I literally could not stop thinking about my appearance, I thought it about on average 8 hours a day. I didn't care about anything except wondering why I couldn't be beautiful like everyone else. I stopped going out, and when I did I would drink a lot of alcohol to help me get over my low self esteem-which only made things worse.
Personally my BDD started at the age of 15,16. I hated the shape of my nose, the size, my uneven lips, my small chin, my skin, my tiny eyes, my frizzy hair, my stumpy legs, my sticking out stomach, my fat arms...the list goes on.
I'd stuck in the mirror for hours, and then deciding I was too ugly to leave the house anyway.
I began self harming a while after my BDD began, I have also struggled with since. Teamed with my BDD is a form of EDNOS, I have a fear of gaining weight as I think it will make me uglier.

I went on antidepressants eventually and found they really helped to calm down my BDD.
Now I will be honest I still struggle with BDD daily, to go out and be around people, but 2 years on from a diagnosis it has got somewhat easier with counselling and medication. I have a set routine, I do my make up the same every day, I do my hair exactly the same, I wear 1 of 5 possible outfits. These feel safe to me and they stop me obsessing so much.
Now I appreciate that whilst I think I am ugly, not everyone thinks I am ugly, and that what I see in the mirror isn't what everyone else sees.


Heres my email: [email protected]
I don't often come on these boards anymore, but feel free to drop me a line and I'll fill you in as much as I can. I know how desperately lonely BDD can be, and its good to talk to others with the problem.
For example I visist BDDcentral.com [check it out] and talk to other sufferers on the forums and they are so understanding, reading their stories is like reading about yourself.

Hope to speak to you soon
Amber [I use the name Cat only on these forums]

[Triceratops]

Internet quizzes are useless. Please don't go by any of those, that's a really silly thing to do.

I'd say actual Body Dysmorphic Disorders are pretty serious conditions and you may be getting confused with a very poor self image which most girls your age have (assuming that you're a teenager). It's like people who think they have depression when it's just their hormones playing up.

Unless you've been diagnosed by a professional, don't convince yourself that you have a certain disorder when you might not have one. Obviously you have a low self esteem and I understand that. You can always try and improve your appearance by eating healthier food, exercising more, dying and cutting your hair, trying out different make-up styles, treat yourself to some new clothes you like (or flatter parts of your body you don't like), give yourself a manicure and pedicure, etc. Doing all these things will make you feel a lot more confident and happier about yourself. Remember that everybody is capable of looking beautiful.

You need to see a professional because that mindset of yours is very negative and destructive - you don't want it to progress any further.

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

Internet quizzes are useless. Please don't go by any of those, that's a really silly thing to do.

I'd say actual Body Dysmorphic Disorders are pretty serious conditions and you may be getting confused with a very poor self image which most girls your age have (assuming that you're a teenager). It's like people who think they have depression when it's just their hormones playing up.

Unless you've been diagnosed by a professional, don't convince yourself that you have a certain disorder when you might not have one. Obviously you have a low self esteem and I understand that. You can always try and improve your appearance by eating healthier food, exercising more, dying and cutting your hair, trying out different make-up styles, treat yourself to some new clothes you like (or flatter parts of your body you don't like), give yourself a manicure and pedicure, etc. Doing all these things will make you feel a lot more confident and happier about yourself. Remember that everybody is capable of looking beautiful.

You need to see a professional because that mindset of yours is very negative and destructive - you don't want it to progress any further.

i dont self diagnose im just saying i MIGHT have this. And i do have depression, ever since i was 17, i was diagnosed by a specialist. I am eating healthy, losing weight, and i have lots of makeup to try on. I already bought clothes the past two days but i do want a mani! Thank you though, i will do the makeup one, havent tried that in a while.

[bambino]

Internet quizzes are useless. Please don't go by any of those, that's a really silly thing to do.

I'd say actual Body Dysmorphic Disorders are pretty serious conditions and you may be getting confused with a very poor self image which most girls your age have (assuming that you're a teenager). It's like people who think they have depression when it's just their hormones playing up.

Unless you've been diagnosed by a professional, don't convince yourself that you have a certain disorder when you might not have one.

I think this is definitely true, some girls do get confused between BDD [which is crippling] and general poor body image that is common among most teenagers.
Having been diagnosed myself, I think it is important to raise general awareness of the disorder either way. As some BDD sufferers will not leave the house to even be diagnosed!