Online dating

[Breath-of-air]

I have a online bf and was wondering your opinions on this and if you think it can really work out. :)

My birthday and his birthday is coming up and I wanted to give him my address. He wants to get me a present. Do you think that's really dangerous to do?

I've known him for almost 3 months, Maybe I should wait longer?

I totally know he is real, he's sent me a ton of photo's and has gotten them when I asked at the same moment. ^^ And I have his facebook, I've seen his sisters profile and he has friends and junk.

I have also searched him to see if anything bad pops up lol.

He hasn't been forcing me to give him my address either and he's not always asking. He only asked once.

[Sage]

You're fifteen. You have better things to do at your age than waste time sending heart emoticons over the internet. No, it won't work out.

[RoseyCadaver]

What he said above ^^^.I tried it...I'm still friends with the guy I was "dating",nothing more now.I just think online dating is stupid and never(maybe once in a while) works out.Find someone who is real.I'm trying to myself.


Side Note----> The reason I online dated was because in the area I live in people are really accepting to same sex couples,and I don't know any girls that I like.

[Breath-of-air]

Who said I ever send heart emoticans? It's your opinion but you can be a bit nicer. Oh I don't waste my time. Trust me on that, I'm happier now then I have ever been.

What he said above ^^^.I tried it...I'm still friends with him,nothing more now.I just think online dating is stupid and never(maybe once in a while) works out.Find someone who is real.I'm trying to myself.


Side Note----> The reason I online dated was because in the area I live in people are really accepting to same sex couples,and I don't know any girls that I like.


Your a lot nicer and thanks for that. :) I'll keep this in mind, I know it probably won't but really I just have to much hope on things.

I online date because I am homeschooled and really have no friends what so ever other then online. So yeah it might not work out but at least I am happier now.

[Sage]

Who said I ever send heart emoticans?
Do you?

Oh I don't waste my time. Trust me on that, I'm happier now then I have ever been.
That doesn't mean you aren't wasting your time. Online relationships your age have the same success rate as jumping out of a plane with a plane with no parachute. It might work out in your favor, but you'd be naive (if not stupid) to try.

If you have no friends because you're homeschooling, then maybe you should get out more.

[PoseidonX43]

ive figerd out that they just do not work for me, but for me theres to much pain invold after long trem

[Breath-of-air]

Do you?


That doesn't mean you aren't wasting your time. Online relationships your age have the same success rate as jumping out of a plane with a plane with no parachute. It might work out in your favor, but you'd be naive (if not stupid) to try.

If you have no friends because you're homeschooling, then maybe you should get out more.

Well yes I do send heart emoticans. Not a ton though, that's just creepy. But I also express my feelings in different ways instead of stupid hearts.


Oh I'm not wasting my time, meeting people online and having this relationship has made me a much better person. I've learnt a lot and maybe I am stupid for try this. But to me it is worth it.

It's not exactly easy to do that, You won't understand though.

Thanks for all of the answers though and I understand. Who knows what will happen.

[Sage]

Well yes I do send heart emoticans.
Then I was 100% justified in saying so. Regardless, that was a figure of speech.

But I also express my feelings in different ways instead of stupid hearts.
What, text and pictures on a screen?

It's not exactly easy to do that, You won't understand though.
Considering I've been in multiple online relationships, I think I have at least as much if not much more of an understanding of it than you do.

[Breath-of-air]

Then I was 100% justified in saying so. Regardless, that was a figure of speech.


What, text and pictures on a screen?


Considering I've been in multiple online relationships, I think I have at least as much if not much more of an understanding of it than you do.


Yes you were. sorry if I sound like a ****as well but you don't sound exactly too nice either.

Yes, I can't exactly fly over there and show him but I try my own way until I can. ^^

Of course you probably have more understanding, I never said you didn't. I'll learn if it doesn't work out. But then I'll try again and again.

[Sage]

Of course you probably have more understanding, I never said you didn't. I'll learn if it doesn't work out. But then I'll try again and again.

It's stupid to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. You don't need to learn from your mistakes when you can learn from those of others. People can be extremely different in real life, anyway- It doesn't matter how much you talk to someone online, or how many pictures of them you've seen, or even if you've been in a bloody webcam conversation with voice chat. Being physically near somebody and being able to read their body language, gauge their eye contact, and so many other subtle nuances is what makes online relationships futile. You can't really understand what another person is like through the internet because you can't see all those things.

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Fairly relevant. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0JT3mV0V8Q&feature=related)

I think it's possible that an online relationship will last, or at least, no less likely than an actual relationship will last.
I don't think giving him your address is incredibly dangerous, but I don't vehemently support the idea either.

Also, Sage, what's wrong with communication with text and pictures? When two people talk, usually they're using words, and text is the written form of that. I fail to see how that discredits their relationship, please explain.

[Breath-of-air]

It's stupid to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. You don't need to learn from your mistakes when you can learn from those of others. People can be extremely different in real life, anyway- It doesn't matter how much you talk to someone online, or how many pictures of them you've seen, or even if you've been in a bloody webcam conversation with voice chat. Being physically near somebody and being able to read their body language, gauge their eye contact, and so many other subtle nuances is what makes online relationships futile. You can't really understand what another person is like through the internet because you can't see all those things.

I know and this is exactly true,That is why I would meet him in real life. If we ever get that far. If he's a total jerk then it's bye bye but I just really want to try. If I don't, then I'll never know.

It's just how I am I guess.

Thanks for the advice and I did learn more from this. I really am glad I made this thread and you helped a lot.

[Sage]

Also, Sage, what's wrong with communication with text and pictures? When two people talk, usually they're using words, and text is the written form of that. I fail to see how that discredits their relationship, please explain.

I just explained that in my last post.

-No eye contact
-No body language
-Doesn't require your full attention (you can multitask and just have the chat window open)
-You can take time to think out what you'll say instead of having to give a more spontaneous answer
-You can't see how they react to things in a public setting or around other people
-etc
-etc

These sorts of things are vitally important nuances and details that give you a much clearer understanding of what makes a person who they are.

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Oh blah, I need to read more carefully. *facepalm*

And uhh... I can't actually think of a very good counter argument to that other than just that I don't think body language is that important. Frankly, in so many cases, it's so subtle that, although you can glean some knowledge from/about the person, you're only getting a little bit more than what they're actually saying with their words. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule, but really on the whole I think most emotions and ideas can be expressed adequately with just text.

[Sage]

And uhh... I can't actually think of a very good counter argument to that other than just that I don't think body language is that important.

Then you clearly aren't a very observant or introspective person, two things that you need to be to maintain a valuable relationship.

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Then you clearly aren't a very observant or introspective person, two things that you need to be to maintain a valuable relationship.

Wonderful ad hominem there.
Rather than insult, please elaborate. I'm not debating whether body language is important (it is, of course, I apologize, the way I worded my previous post was misleading :/), but rather that a relationship can exist and be successful without it. I can think of many ways that body language and paralanguage augment a conversation, but if the people having the conversation are very clear with their emotions and their intentions when speaking then the problem is largely averted. When people fail to do this, yes, I could see problems developing in the relationship.
Also, I find that typing out my thoughts and responses gives me more time to collect my thoughts, and makes communication a lot better than when I speak, and stumble over my words when I'm trying to explain myself.

EDIT: Just realized, that wasn't really ad hominem.... well, arguably it was, but mostly it was just pointless insulting.

[Sage]

Wonderful ad hominem there.

That's not an ad hominem because I actually did make a point. If you don't notice (be observant) these very telling characteristics of a person, you aren't a good judge of character. Body language is just as (if not more) revealing about someone's feelings than their body language. If you just take every word said at face value, you don't have enough information to make a sound judgment of somebody. You have to notice and deeply think about (be introspective) about these nuances both in other people and yourself.

Saying you aren't observant or introspective isn't an insult because you've demonstrated that you don't really care or think about either of those two things. But hey, what do I know about you? I can't even see you.

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

Ah, yes, my mistake. I learned what ad hominem meant today, and I was just dying for a chance to use the word. Figures I was wrong. xD

Nevertheless, that's an insult, regardless of how correct or incorrect it was. Either way, I'm far too tired to have any sort of debate, and I feel like this is kinda getting off the original topic anyways. I'll think about what you said, thanks.

[dating72]

This is clear to be as two good friends not love, If Love then only is for enjoy.

[Kaius]

Lets keep this to helping her and not turn this into a debate or argument please, alright you dont agree with it but let her make her own decision.

OP If you're happy with this then thats all that matters. The only way it could be dangerous really is if he turned out to be not who you thought he was, are you fairly certain he's genuine? The best thing to do is to ask your parents first. As for whether it will work out if you're both putting a good amount into this relationship there is no reason why it may not, but remember not all teenage relationships work out regardless of whether they're in person or not in person. Its going to be harder of course because of the lack of physical contact etc. and obviously the trust has to be extremely strong between you both. If you've got all of that there's no reason why it won't work, just have patience. Meeting safely in person is always a bonus as well but its not advised to do that unless you're positive of who you're meeting and you take a trusted friend or family member with you just to be sure. I hope this helps, if not PM me i'd be happy to help.

[Breath-of-air]

Lets keep this to helping her and not turn this into a debate or argument please, alright you dont agree with it but let her make her own decision.

OP If you're happy with this then thats all that matters. The only way it could be dangerous really is if he turned out to be not who you thought he was, are you fairly certain he's genuine? The best thing to do is to ask your parents first. As for whether it will work out if you're both putting a good amount into this relationship there is no reason why it may not, but remember not all teenage relationships work out regardless of whether they're in person or not in person. Its going to be harder of course because of the lack of physical contact etc. and obviously the trust has to be extremely strong between you both. If you've got all of that there's no reason why it won't work, just have patience. Meeting safely in person is always a bonus as well but its not advised to do that unless you're positive of who you're meeting and you take a trusted friend or family member with you just to be sure. I hope this helps, if not PM me i'd be happy to help.

He's seemed genuine, I've even asked if he does drugs and he honestly told me that he does some pot. Everything I ask of him to do, he does do it for me. He's even gotten a webcam so we can see eachother but hasn't had the time to use it. Being busy with work. I do trust him and expect him to trust me.

My mum just thinks we are friends and always tells me that he isn't real and I'm wasting my time. I've argued with her but still she thinks her thing. I can understand why she wouldn't want me talking to some online guy and she does want me to meet friends/bf in real life. I've asked her if I could give him my address but she won't allow it.

Oh I'm sure to bring someone. :)

Thank you soo much though! You've made me have more hope and weren't rude. You helped a lot actually. :)

Oh and also I have seen his parents facebook (set to private) and his sisters. She has a few photo's of him with his family and junk. So I really do know he is who he say's he is.

[Kaius]

Thats fair enough then, you're the only one that can really judge it. Just stay safe with it. I completely understand your mothers reaction, shes exactly the same about giving my address out and I'm 19 this year, shes even spoken to my girlfriend on the phone and shes still paranoid about it. Some parents are just like that. Like I said, just stay safe and sooner or later your mother will come around. Its all good, glad I could help :P I know its a pain but when you do meet it really is worth the wait :)

[Breath-of-air]

Oh yes my mother gets paranoid. haha :) I'll just have to tell her good things about him, sometimes and get her to trust him. Maybe when she know's that he is real and I have seen him on webcam, she'll change her mind and let me.

Your mom sounds like mine. :P

Thank goodness I don't have a Dad, so I don't need to convince two people.

(well he's divorced.)

[Spinner]

I try that a little bit but I'm all single now lol

[Breath-of-air]

I try that a little bit but I'm all single now lol

Oh that's nice. haha

[botwa]

personally I think there's nothing wrong about chatting with people on the Internet, I wouldn't call it "dating" though. If you're happy with what you have just go on, keep doing it. Just be sure you don't fall in love for real with the unreal person (I mean not that he is not real but you haven't met him in person).
I think that there's nothing wrong in letting him know your address. I'm a postcrosser and it involves giving my home address to LOTS LOTS of people I've never met and even chatted with them just once or twice and there's been nothing wrong about it at all. There are thousands of postcrossers around the world who do the same and there hasn't been a single problem reported so I guess it's absolutely OK.

[Sleepwalking]

I'm weird about this subject.
I've had online relationships, and I know they can be fishy.
Your situation sounds genuine IMO though. You've sent pictures and talked for months.
I doubt he's gonna fake webcamming with you, so. :P
About the address thing, go on webcam with him first for a while, get to know he's real, and to put your mother's mind to ease, cause you are her daughter after all.

[ImCoolBeans]

Please don't bump old threads :locked: