temporary
July 14th, 2011, 07:39 PM
I suppose i should start by saying that i'm 15, in year 10 (what you americans would call sophomores) a boy, and bi. I've known this for about a year/year and a half since i started noticing good looking boys in school more and actually got crushes on boys in my class, and i've made out with a guy (he was older, a mistake, but i loved it and that re-enforced my suspiscions about my sexuality). I've stopped talking to him now because it just got really awkward.. but i'm quite confident that i at least like boys (not too sure about girls because i go to an all boys schoool, never meet any girls lol) and i've wanted a boyfreind for a while now
I've been really stressed in my life lately as there is so much going on, what with school and my parents being on my back to get good grades, exams happening and retakes, relationships with freinds/siblings breaking down... but the biggest problem in my life right now is that i'm in love. There's another boy in my school who i've been a mate of ever since year 7 when we spent about two weeks of the summer together on a school watersports trip to the south of France with other people in my class. When I chose my subjects for GCSE's and went into different classes i was in a few of his and we talked a bit, and my twin invited him to quite a lot of gatherings which i naturally came along too, so we became quite good freinds. Altough he was proper good eye candy, i didn't really have any feelings for him as i was having another crush at the time. I got over the crush with the other boy (nothing came of it so i was sad :( aww) and a lot of other stuff happened from then- i've touched on it above- but this simple freindship continued for about another year.
Buuut, about 5 months ago after we came back from christmas hols, seating plan for a few lessons had changed and we were together more, and us being good freinds, we got talking lots and lots. Slowly, my mere physical attraction to him (e.g damn, he's pretty fit :L) became more emotional, and i found myself thinking about him a lot and getting butterflies in my stomach when i saw him. I also started joking/messing around with him by doing silly things like stroking his leg in class etc. He sometimes joked back and did the same but nothing ever really happened, and his relationship with his girlfreind (please note i didn't know about the fact that he had a girlfreind before, i wasn't trying to make him cheat) got more serious. I got dissapointed and tried to go for another guy who was showing intrest in me in school (staring at me in class, looking nervous around me, coming to me during lunch/ break etc and my gaydar just went of the scale whenever i saw him) but he was quite shy and it was really hard to get any response out of him. i got a little sad then that i wasn't getting anywhere with boys, and concentrated on making the relationship with my brother better and schoolwork and studying for upcoming exams. About two months ago though the boy who i've known for a while started talking to me more (i should also mention at this point he's had an argument with his girlfreind and ?i think? broken up with her. but he might've got back together with her since, i don't know as i never asked, he used to get defensive whenever i asked before) and we started sitting together in classes, and when i was pushed off a table for 4 people one day as a joke he left the other three good mates of his (ok mates of mine) there to sit next to me on a table for two. He was the one joking around with me now and stroking my leg and i responded in kind of course. We often commented on how good each other looked when we saw each other (e.g sexayy hair today :L) One day he put his thigh over my leg and wrapped his leg around mine and we stayed like that for about a minute in silence taking notes before he smiled/laughed and took it off, and another day when i rested my head on his shoulder he rested his head on top of mine without saying anything, staying like that for over a minute before it was time to leave. Later we texted each other saying hey baby <3 i love you <3 xxx etc but we both laughed it away.
This past week we've both had to retake a whole Geography GSCE piece of controlled assesment (don't think of me as stupid: the whole class had to re-take it as we had a cover teacher for the entire course who didn't teach us anything) by sitting in a computer room all day learning about spits-coastal landform- and shizzle. On tuesday we both went on a trip to some spit in Kent with the class, and that's when things between us really started to get more intense. We sat next to each other on the minibus down there talking about music and shit, and he talked a lot about how we should take loads of pictures of each other with my phone (the amazing 8 megpix camera xperia arc if u wanna know :L) for facebook and the like, and said stuff like "your so fit man" like constantly.
Even though we were in different groups we stayed together for most of it. One time when i was on my own, standing there staring at the sand thinking "how the fuck to i tell him that i like him" when he comes up to me (oh god he looked so fucking beautiful right then) and looks at me for a moment before saying "i love you". I could've kissed him right there and then, our hoodies shutting the wind and everything else out, but there were loads of people around so i just said "i love you too" with puppy dog eyes. Then i changed the subject to something to do with taking measurements and shizzle and we carried on talking. We then had to go to a different part of the spit and take measurments there in our groups, so he said for me to hurry up and do it as fast as possible, and after he had finished he kept coming up and saying "come on!" as well. That was basically it for the geog side of things for the day and the next two hours were free to go into the town and go buy shizzle and have lunch, so we took loads of induvidual photos of each other for our facebook profile pics when we had the chance (he's actually not a bad photographer either :L makes me like him even more...) and he kept asking for my phone and looking at my best pic and saying "oh goddd you look so sexy"- of course i said "you more" back to him. On the minibus back we talked for a bit, then i said i was going to sleep and put my hoodie on his shoulder and rested my head on it, while he listened to music on his ipod. Afterwards when i woke up he was really quiet and shy, even though he wasn't listening to music (he had taken his headphones out while i was sleeping). When we finally got back and had put all the equipment away he said "thankyou for today -my name- i loved every second of it :L" and i said me too, then we said out goodbyes and went home
That night i texted him saying i miss you already and he texted back with 3 hearts, and i said "i love you man *crying*" and he texted back with "i love you too". later, he sent me a heart <3 on my facebook wall and i sent a <3 2 back to him, then i liked one of the songs that we were playing a lot on the coach. He commented on it saying "ITS AMAZZING ISN'T IT? <3<3<3<3<3" and we had a like 20 comment conversation with both of us putting a heart and three x's after a comment, and it was littered with winks. We also agreed to change our profile pics sometime in the future at the same time to the ones we had taken that day. Then we both went to bed.
On wednesday morning whenever saw each other in the computer room (wasn't often as were sitting in groups) he blew kisses at me and we mouthed "l love you". He came up to me just as i was about to sit down after break and said "i missed you last night" and hugged me and also we had an e-mail convo on the computers just us exchanging "your fit" and "no your fitter" etc. But we didn't text or communicate that night (maybe something to do with me not seeing him in the whole lunch hour?)
Today (or rather yesterday lol) he saved a seat for me next to him and we sat together talking for quite a while (not getting much work done i must say, but hey i'll get it done. i always scrape through) he was really affectionate towards me, touching my leg sometimes jokily, sometimes not. when he had finished most of his work and i had to go to another room to scan some stuff in for the project (took like 20 minutes christ) he kept coming in and hanging around me. One time when we were sitting next to each other facing the board he was staring at me from the side, and when i turned towards him he said "sorry, i just can't stop looking at you" (fuck i just wanna fuck you now) so i winked at him and he kissed his lips back at me (not in the agressive way lol, in the almost blowing a kiss way) also, i looked at my e-mail for something and the e-mail convo that we were having the day before came up with a message he sent yesterday that i hadn't read. It simply said "you." (in repsonse to "no you're even more sexy"). We both noticed it and looked at each other in the eyes for half a second before looking away without saying anything and doing our work. Later on, we were both standing up and he was looking at someone else's computer with his hands resting on the desk and his back bent down so that he could put his head nearer the screen to see what was going on. I couldn't resist, so i rested my chest and head on his back and put my arms around him. He grabbed my dick for a second or two (he has never ever done that before) then we both sat down still half cuddling. I was so damn infatuated with him that i said again, "-his name-, i love youuu :(" and he again replied whilst still cuddling, in a soft voice "i love you too". i stopped cuddling him apart from putting my head on his shoulder for a second as it was getting a bit awkward, and we got onto the topic of what we were doing this summer holidays. He looked really sad then said in a half crying (obviously joke crying) but trying to be cute voice "we really should meet up during the summer" and playfully hit my hand once or twice. I'm just so fucking amazed right now that i just manage to whisper out "yeah" but then i save myself and start a conversation, saying "but what about your mum not letting you go out with me or my brother" (bit complicated but we went to his house once and put his mattress in the road just as his mum was coming into the drive :L ahahah jokes times. but yeah his mum hates us) and he was just like "well fuck her i'll just go out anyway" and was really adamant. I felt so happy. However there is another thing i should probably mention. Once after a little leg stroke and a kiss blow during the day he said "what we're doing, its not gay you know, its just..." "brotherly love" i suggested (why the fuck did i suggest that, that'll make him think i don't like him... bad if he is gay) and he replied "yeah" When the bell came round at the end of the day he left quite abruptly.
Some other things that i should mention are that out of about 400 facebook freinds he is one of two people to put on their "intrested in" section both men and women. The other person is most certainly joking, but i'm not sure if this is a complete joke or a half joke/ slight confession on his part. Oh, and he's quite effeminate. Long brown hair, high pitched voice, acts really cute at times. I'm not saying that every gay is like this or endorsing the stereotype, i just think you should know.
Phew. Thats a massive block of text. Most of it was me just re-living the past few months in fast forward, trying to price together everything. If you're still with me after that far then cheers for being a good VT member :) but anyway, i dirgress.
I'm not really sure what i want from this post actually- i think i just needed to tell someone about what the hell is going on at the moment. I do have some vague questions about all of this, but i'm not sure the block of text above can be used that well as refernce to the questions. After all, you aren't me or the boy i love so you can't know every little detail (i've done my best to decrbie absolutely everything in detail) or every small change in facial expression. But that doesn't stop me from trying. My main question to you is to the boy's sexuality and how he feels about himself at the moment. Is he gay/ bi? Is he joking? am i maybe getting obssesed with every little detail and spinning every one of my experiences to my hopes?
What do i do VT?
I've been really stressed in my life lately as there is so much going on, what with school and my parents being on my back to get good grades, exams happening and retakes, relationships with freinds/siblings breaking down... but the biggest problem in my life right now is that i'm in love. There's another boy in my school who i've been a mate of ever since year 7 when we spent about two weeks of the summer together on a school watersports trip to the south of France with other people in my class. When I chose my subjects for GCSE's and went into different classes i was in a few of his and we talked a bit, and my twin invited him to quite a lot of gatherings which i naturally came along too, so we became quite good freinds. Altough he was proper good eye candy, i didn't really have any feelings for him as i was having another crush at the time. I got over the crush with the other boy (nothing came of it so i was sad :( aww) and a lot of other stuff happened from then- i've touched on it above- but this simple freindship continued for about another year.
Buuut, about 5 months ago after we came back from christmas hols, seating plan for a few lessons had changed and we were together more, and us being good freinds, we got talking lots and lots. Slowly, my mere physical attraction to him (e.g damn, he's pretty fit :L) became more emotional, and i found myself thinking about him a lot and getting butterflies in my stomach when i saw him. I also started joking/messing around with him by doing silly things like stroking his leg in class etc. He sometimes joked back and did the same but nothing ever really happened, and his relationship with his girlfreind (please note i didn't know about the fact that he had a girlfreind before, i wasn't trying to make him cheat) got more serious. I got dissapointed and tried to go for another guy who was showing intrest in me in school (staring at me in class, looking nervous around me, coming to me during lunch/ break etc and my gaydar just went of the scale whenever i saw him) but he was quite shy and it was really hard to get any response out of him. i got a little sad then that i wasn't getting anywhere with boys, and concentrated on making the relationship with my brother better and schoolwork and studying for upcoming exams. About two months ago though the boy who i've known for a while started talking to me more (i should also mention at this point he's had an argument with his girlfreind and ?i think? broken up with her. but he might've got back together with her since, i don't know as i never asked, he used to get defensive whenever i asked before) and we started sitting together in classes, and when i was pushed off a table for 4 people one day as a joke he left the other three good mates of his (ok mates of mine) there to sit next to me on a table for two. He was the one joking around with me now and stroking my leg and i responded in kind of course. We often commented on how good each other looked when we saw each other (e.g sexayy hair today :L) One day he put his thigh over my leg and wrapped his leg around mine and we stayed like that for about a minute in silence taking notes before he smiled/laughed and took it off, and another day when i rested my head on his shoulder he rested his head on top of mine without saying anything, staying like that for over a minute before it was time to leave. Later we texted each other saying hey baby <3 i love you <3 xxx etc but we both laughed it away.
This past week we've both had to retake a whole Geography GSCE piece of controlled assesment (don't think of me as stupid: the whole class had to re-take it as we had a cover teacher for the entire course who didn't teach us anything) by sitting in a computer room all day learning about spits-coastal landform- and shizzle. On tuesday we both went on a trip to some spit in Kent with the class, and that's when things between us really started to get more intense. We sat next to each other on the minibus down there talking about music and shit, and he talked a lot about how we should take loads of pictures of each other with my phone (the amazing 8 megpix camera xperia arc if u wanna know :L) for facebook and the like, and said stuff like "your so fit man" like constantly.
Even though we were in different groups we stayed together for most of it. One time when i was on my own, standing there staring at the sand thinking "how the fuck to i tell him that i like him" when he comes up to me (oh god he looked so fucking beautiful right then) and looks at me for a moment before saying "i love you". I could've kissed him right there and then, our hoodies shutting the wind and everything else out, but there were loads of people around so i just said "i love you too" with puppy dog eyes. Then i changed the subject to something to do with taking measurements and shizzle and we carried on talking. We then had to go to a different part of the spit and take measurments there in our groups, so he said for me to hurry up and do it as fast as possible, and after he had finished he kept coming up and saying "come on!" as well. That was basically it for the geog side of things for the day and the next two hours were free to go into the town and go buy shizzle and have lunch, so we took loads of induvidual photos of each other for our facebook profile pics when we had the chance (he's actually not a bad photographer either :L makes me like him even more...) and he kept asking for my phone and looking at my best pic and saying "oh goddd you look so sexy"- of course i said "you more" back to him. On the minibus back we talked for a bit, then i said i was going to sleep and put my hoodie on his shoulder and rested my head on it, while he listened to music on his ipod. Afterwards when i woke up he was really quiet and shy, even though he wasn't listening to music (he had taken his headphones out while i was sleeping). When we finally got back and had put all the equipment away he said "thankyou for today -my name- i loved every second of it :L" and i said me too, then we said out goodbyes and went home
That night i texted him saying i miss you already and he texted back with 3 hearts, and i said "i love you man *crying*" and he texted back with "i love you too". later, he sent me a heart <3 on my facebook wall and i sent a <3 2 back to him, then i liked one of the songs that we were playing a lot on the coach. He commented on it saying "ITS AMAZZING ISN'T IT? <3<3<3<3<3" and we had a like 20 comment conversation with both of us putting a heart and three x's after a comment, and it was littered with winks. We also agreed to change our profile pics sometime in the future at the same time to the ones we had taken that day. Then we both went to bed.
On wednesday morning whenever saw each other in the computer room (wasn't often as were sitting in groups) he blew kisses at me and we mouthed "l love you". He came up to me just as i was about to sit down after break and said "i missed you last night" and hugged me and also we had an e-mail convo on the computers just us exchanging "your fit" and "no your fitter" etc. But we didn't text or communicate that night (maybe something to do with me not seeing him in the whole lunch hour?)
Today (or rather yesterday lol) he saved a seat for me next to him and we sat together talking for quite a while (not getting much work done i must say, but hey i'll get it done. i always scrape through) he was really affectionate towards me, touching my leg sometimes jokily, sometimes not. when he had finished most of his work and i had to go to another room to scan some stuff in for the project (took like 20 minutes christ) he kept coming in and hanging around me. One time when we were sitting next to each other facing the board he was staring at me from the side, and when i turned towards him he said "sorry, i just can't stop looking at you" (fuck i just wanna fuck you now) so i winked at him and he kissed his lips back at me (not in the agressive way lol, in the almost blowing a kiss way) also, i looked at my e-mail for something and the e-mail convo that we were having the day before came up with a message he sent yesterday that i hadn't read. It simply said "you." (in repsonse to "no you're even more sexy"). We both noticed it and looked at each other in the eyes for half a second before looking away without saying anything and doing our work. Later on, we were both standing up and he was looking at someone else's computer with his hands resting on the desk and his back bent down so that he could put his head nearer the screen to see what was going on. I couldn't resist, so i rested my chest and head on his back and put my arms around him. He grabbed my dick for a second or two (he has never ever done that before) then we both sat down still half cuddling. I was so damn infatuated with him that i said again, "-his name-, i love youuu :(" and he again replied whilst still cuddling, in a soft voice "i love you too". i stopped cuddling him apart from putting my head on his shoulder for a second as it was getting a bit awkward, and we got onto the topic of what we were doing this summer holidays. He looked really sad then said in a half crying (obviously joke crying) but trying to be cute voice "we really should meet up during the summer" and playfully hit my hand once or twice. I'm just so fucking amazed right now that i just manage to whisper out "yeah" but then i save myself and start a conversation, saying "but what about your mum not letting you go out with me or my brother" (bit complicated but we went to his house once and put his mattress in the road just as his mum was coming into the drive :L ahahah jokes times. but yeah his mum hates us) and he was just like "well fuck her i'll just go out anyway" and was really adamant. I felt so happy. However there is another thing i should probably mention. Once after a little leg stroke and a kiss blow during the day he said "what we're doing, its not gay you know, its just..." "brotherly love" i suggested (why the fuck did i suggest that, that'll make him think i don't like him... bad if he is gay) and he replied "yeah" When the bell came round at the end of the day he left quite abruptly.
Some other things that i should mention are that out of about 400 facebook freinds he is one of two people to put on their "intrested in" section both men and women. The other person is most certainly joking, but i'm not sure if this is a complete joke or a half joke/ slight confession on his part. Oh, and he's quite effeminate. Long brown hair, high pitched voice, acts really cute at times. I'm not saying that every gay is like this or endorsing the stereotype, i just think you should know.
Phew. Thats a massive block of text. Most of it was me just re-living the past few months in fast forward, trying to price together everything. If you're still with me after that far then cheers for being a good VT member :) but anyway, i dirgress.
I'm not really sure what i want from this post actually- i think i just needed to tell someone about what the hell is going on at the moment. I do have some vague questions about all of this, but i'm not sure the block of text above can be used that well as refernce to the questions. After all, you aren't me or the boy i love so you can't know every little detail (i've done my best to decrbie absolutely everything in detail) or every small change in facial expression. But that doesn't stop me from trying. My main question to you is to the boy's sexuality and how he feels about himself at the moment. Is he gay/ bi? Is he joking? am i maybe getting obssesed with every little detail and spinning every one of my experiences to my hopes?
What do i do VT?