umm why?

[beag_amhain]

ummm, i have recently noticed that wen i think about harming myself or suicide or my death i get really happy, like last night i dreamed about dieing n several different ways, mainly by my own hand, and i woke up feeling so happy and relaxed and now its all i think about so i dont have to put a fake smile on my face, its genuine

i know this is not...right?
guess im just wondering if this happens to anyone else?

[Solo Rider]

Yeah if you wanna die the thought of it will make you happy...

[Iris]

Like Solo Rider said. It's probably a comforting thought. Like let's say you really like ice cream and you have a dream where you're in an ice cream store, you'll probably wake up happier (sorry for comparing suicide to ice cream).

For me, sometimes when I need to cut but can't because I don't have any blades or I'm not alone I just imagine myself cutting, how the blood will look etc and it calms me down. Sometimes I don't even have to cut after.

[Solo Rider]

Like Solo Rider said. It's probably a comforting thought. Like let's say you really like ice cream and you have a dream where you're in an ice cream store, you'll probably wake up happier (sorry for comparing suicide to ice cream).

For me, sometimes when I need to cut but can't because I don't have any blades or I'm not alone I just imagine myself cutting, how the blood will look etc and it calms me down. Sometimes I don't even have to cut after.

It made sense :D

[Njathind]

I understand where your coming from, its like feeling like this and thinking & doing this stuff is all we know. So if we feel any different we dont like it, and thats what makes us crave those feelings and lines of thought.

[Nationalexange]

It all goes back to you perceiving dying as a good. Human beings have an intellect and a will. These are used to grasp and incline towards good things. (or what we perceive to be) If you're used to self harm, and make it a habit, you'll eventually begin to associate that habit with good or bad. In your case you're associating the self harm with a perceived good.

[myskias]

i agree with nationalexange. Also, as long as the thoughts make you happy use those to your advantage, but dont actually kill yourself, you have a whole life ahead of you and theres no point in skipping out early! :) things get alot better when you get older

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

This happens to me alot, all start daydreaming about it,and it totally ups my mood.
But please,dont actually go threw with the thoughts.