i want to stop breathing.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

At the moment i'm feeling so much more depressed than usaul.
i just hate myself so much.
before, when i lived with my moms emotinally abusing bf , or a few months ago when i still cut, or when i was addicted to exctasy, etc. it was better than this depression, because at least then i felt i had a reason to be depressed.
right now, theres not many things hurting me, & its killing me. becuase now i'm back to the confusion and crying without knowing why and all those feelings like a few years back.

i hate this so much.
i want to cut so bad, i wont jsut because people will see, but i want to.
i just want to hurt myself.

i dont want to have to go back to acting happy. but i'll have to or eles i'm going to have to deal with everyone trying to help me, but i dont want to be helped.

i dont know, i feel like everything i'm saying is contradiciting itself.
all i know is,
i feel
so fucking down.

[thesphinx]

i know what you mean :( it sucks and it sucks even more when you have no reason for being depressed. depression kind of leaves and after shock.
that you have to clean up, now i know you dont want any help but i think you should try counseling therapy or something like that it can maybe help you get over your moms abusive boyfriend, or anything else that may be in your past that you need to work on.
just consider it.
hope you feel better :)

[Hyper]

So you might have clinical depression or just don't realize what's hurting you.. Don't surtenly hurt yourself for no matter what, it's not your fault in any way and even if you don't think like that hurting yourself will only make it worse in the long run.. Just go get tested for clinical if there is realy nothing that bad in your life some correct meds and motivation will help you