Sordid Saint
July 10th, 2011, 01:01 AM
I just want to make this post to come clean. Mostly for myself to get these fucking thoughts in my head in order.
So I started smoking weed when I just turned 13 maybe for a little bit when I was 12. For these past 3 years I would say as much has gotten out of hand as one would think is possible. I actually used to be opposed to most drugs even after I started smoking weed but now I would say if you gave me a list of random drugs, at least 6 of them I would have done, maybe more. That's scary for me to write right now because I never even thought when doing drugs. I'm pretty much JUST fully realizing what I've done. I've been at rock bottom twice where I would lose all of my feelings and turn into a non-emotional drug consuming bastard, drain money from my single mother, and emotionally hurt most of the people that love me. I've sold all of my old belongings for drug money and now I want them back (I'm just happy I didn't sell my xbox lmao).
Even though I've gotten most drugs out of my life I still take more drugs than I want to. I've been off percs for a week or two now which is great but I've still lately used molly, TOOOONS of weed everyday, G.H.B and Codeine lately too. Also I've been tripping lately more than I used to on acid and mushrooms and sometimes Robitussin. My head though is still CRAVING percocets waaay more than I want. Literally it's one of my first thoughts when I wake up but I'm still trying to stay away from opiates at least until I get them fully out of my system and I feel like I'll be stable with them again.
I'm being told that drugs will ruin my life and hurt me but lately when I haven't been doing as many drugs as I used to all I've noticed is that the drugs just made my life fly by and that's why I love them. I really don't enjoy life that much right now. It's just very boring to me right now. It's not in a "I want to die" kind of way, it's just that I don't really want to wait for my life to be exciting. It's very hard to explain how I feel, but my head is sorted out after writing this and I finally feel like I can go to sleep now.
I hate ADHD
So I started smoking weed when I just turned 13 maybe for a little bit when I was 12. For these past 3 years I would say as much has gotten out of hand as one would think is possible. I actually used to be opposed to most drugs even after I started smoking weed but now I would say if you gave me a list of random drugs, at least 6 of them I would have done, maybe more. That's scary for me to write right now because I never even thought when doing drugs. I'm pretty much JUST fully realizing what I've done. I've been at rock bottom twice where I would lose all of my feelings and turn into a non-emotional drug consuming bastard, drain money from my single mother, and emotionally hurt most of the people that love me. I've sold all of my old belongings for drug money and now I want them back (I'm just happy I didn't sell my xbox lmao).
Even though I've gotten most drugs out of my life I still take more drugs than I want to. I've been off percs for a week or two now which is great but I've still lately used molly, TOOOONS of weed everyday, G.H.B and Codeine lately too. Also I've been tripping lately more than I used to on acid and mushrooms and sometimes Robitussin. My head though is still CRAVING percocets waaay more than I want. Literally it's one of my first thoughts when I wake up but I'm still trying to stay away from opiates at least until I get them fully out of my system and I feel like I'll be stable with them again.
I'm being told that drugs will ruin my life and hurt me but lately when I haven't been doing as many drugs as I used to all I've noticed is that the drugs just made my life fly by and that's why I love them. I really don't enjoy life that much right now. It's just very boring to me right now. It's not in a "I want to die" kind of way, it's just that I don't really want to wait for my life to be exciting. It's very hard to explain how I feel, but my head is sorted out after writing this and I finally feel like I can go to sleep now.
I hate ADHD