-sigh-

[Iris]

Everything felt...ok tonight. My dad, my brother and I went bike riding to the ocean and back (about 6 miles). And I just felt so safe, so protected. It's like my problems melted away. I didn't care that my parents hate each other, that my dad doesn't like coming home anymore, that my brother is leaving for another continent for a year in 2 weeks and that he's going missing my birthday for the 4th time in a row, that most of my friends are probably going to forget my birthday, that I'm depressed, that I cut, that I'm living a double life and being traumatized, that I go to two psychologists and soon to a psychiatrist (I am so messed up), that I'm overweight, that I don't want to live, that I hate myself, that I'm a failure, that I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to survive another year without killing myself, that my childhood was fucked up etc. I just felt so protected and free riding the bike in the darkness with the wind in my face and my dad and my brother biking behind me like a guard. Even if my dad was listening to a lecture on his mp3 player the whole time. He was there. My brother was there. My mother wasn't. It was perfect. And the feeling I had the whole time is still lingering now. But all my problems are starting to creep back into my mind and it's horrible feeling-like I'm scrambling to retain a few more seconds of ok-ness before I sink back into the depression. :( :(

[TheMatrix]

i'm sorry you're going through this.
perhaps you could arrange a video chat with your brother(msn, skype, etc)?
for your friends, try sending each an email or card, addressed personally to them, asking to come to your party?
if you need to chat, i'm always here :hug:

[Iris]

I have no idea how skype works (pathetic I know) and I'm not sure if he'll even have Internet access.
I don't do parties I'd just like to be acknowledged on my birthday...
And thanks :)

[DoctorNewbie]

Wow, I'm sorry you have to dal with that. Heh, you probably don't want to hear me ranting on about stuff like "true friends" and such. Heck, I'd answer your problems if I could, but that's just the thing. I can't. That's your job. But, there is one thing I can tell you, don't kill yourself. Sure, I don't know what you are going through. But I know that's not the way to go. Anyways, I hope you get to feeling better.
:)
Regards.

[TheMatrix]

I have no idea how skype works (pathetic I know) and I'm not sure if he'll even have Internet access.
I don't do parties I'd just like to be acknowledged on my birthday...
when is your birthday?(i can't see it because i'm using the mobile skin).
i'll see what i can do for you then.

[Iris]

Doctor Newbie-thanks...

The Matrix-July 28th. What can you possibly do??

[TheMatrix]

The Matrix-July 28th. What can you possibly do??
You'll see....

[Iris]

Ok now you're getting me nervous...

[Solo Rider]

I am sorry you are so down :( I used to be there.
Keep pushing forward you WILL get out.

~Solo