Extreme586
July 8th, 2011, 05:42 AM
So since I stopped indulging myself in a very addictive game on the computer I have had nothing but time to think about my life and why some things shouldn't be the way they are. Family is one of those things, I just don't really feel like there is any kind of love for them right now. I know it sounds like a terrible thing, but between my parents fighting about stupid things all the time, and the fact that my dad has had alcohol issues involving his job and court issues resulting from that and everything, I just don't feel connected to them in any way. My two younger brothers are just completely annoying and always fight with each other because they can't stand each other and even when I step in it never does anything they just go right back to being brats. My mom is always judging people and has a snob attitude towards situations.
Then I look at the family of a guy I like in my school and he is the youngest of three brothers, and I look at pictures of them together on facebook and just how they talk to their friends about each other and how their friends care to ask about each of them. I even saw this one picture of them on vacation and all three of them look so happy and they just look like a loving family. Of course I have only seen one picture of them with their parents who look older, but I found out that they are successful architects or something and have their own business.
I love my family but in a very distant sense, I just feel like they are a burden rather than people I love and am glad to be around. There is bad alcohol use throughout my family that doesn't just stop with my dad, grandparents as well. I just feel like if I was raised (as well as my brothers) in a different situation we would all act and be different which doesn't sound like a bad thing right now. I also feel like I am failing to be the role model or big brother figure that my younger brothers can look up too and learn from. Instead of being looked up to I get teased for being a geek or whatever my youngest brother likes to call me, he is just kidding but it still hits a nerve. The worst part of all though, is I have been acting different and feeling depressed all week, even my sleeping habits are way off of what they used to be and my parents didn't even notice.
I feel like I can't tell them anything and so I was thinking maybe I could start seeing a school counseler once it starts for the first time or something. I just need someone to actually talk to and give me advice, I currently don't have any friends that can fill that space. Is there any advice you could give me I feel lost?
Then I look at the family of a guy I like in my school and he is the youngest of three brothers, and I look at pictures of them together on facebook and just how they talk to their friends about each other and how their friends care to ask about each of them. I even saw this one picture of them on vacation and all three of them look so happy and they just look like a loving family. Of course I have only seen one picture of them with their parents who look older, but I found out that they are successful architects or something and have their own business.
I love my family but in a very distant sense, I just feel like they are a burden rather than people I love and am glad to be around. There is bad alcohol use throughout my family that doesn't just stop with my dad, grandparents as well. I just feel like if I was raised (as well as my brothers) in a different situation we would all act and be different which doesn't sound like a bad thing right now. I also feel like I am failing to be the role model or big brother figure that my younger brothers can look up too and learn from. Instead of being looked up to I get teased for being a geek or whatever my youngest brother likes to call me, he is just kidding but it still hits a nerve. The worst part of all though, is I have been acting different and feeling depressed all week, even my sleeping habits are way off of what they used to be and my parents didn't even notice.
I feel like I can't tell them anything and so I was thinking maybe I could start seeing a school counseler once it starts for the first time or something. I just need someone to actually talk to and give me advice, I currently don't have any friends that can fill that space. Is there any advice you could give me I feel lost?