4IrishJustice
July 8th, 2011, 01:36 AM
(I'm long winded. So scroll down if you don't have time or will to read; I'd like opinions from girls who have been sexually abused or guys who have dated girls who have been abused.)
I've recently turned 20. I haven't posted much on this forum, but I used to read it quite a bit. Now that I'm no longer a "teen" I will make this my last contribution.
Not to my delight, I'm a romantic. In it's purist sense. I need to feel adventure, mystery, intrigue, and conflict. Which makes what's come to pass even more complicated for me. I've fallen for a girl. I want nothing more than to hold her, but she's not the sort of girl that would be good for me.We have the same favorite color, we enjoy the same foods, we were both born on the sixth day of the sixth month, and the first time we ever spoke on the phone she let slip an "I love you" - which she immediately regretted. Things seem fantastically right at right. We haven't spent so much time together that I would be comfortable saying that I know her, but even the qualities I'm ashamed to desire, she contains. That doesn't mean, however, that there aren't things to discourage me from being with her. She's 4 years (to the day, no less) my junior. This raises problems on both a personal and social level. She's no where near as smart as I am, people say I need a girl with whom I could challenge myself. And they may be right in thinking that would be better for me.
None of those things bother me. What bothers me most about her is that she's not a virgin. I've had my fair share of experiences, but she seemed to have been with every guy and girl who ever complimented her. I've never asked her for a number, I'd be too scared to. The one and only time I kissed her, we were in the park. We held each other on a blanket in the shade. I told her we couldn't be together, and that this would be the last time we saw each other for a long while. She understood. Now I want to be with her. I want to keep seeing her. I want to make a commitment to her. But I can't shake the thought of other men entering her in her bed. Or of her being pleasured by women. I know she's had voluntary sexual encounters, but I also know she's had less than voluntary ones. She had an abusive father. She's never said explicitly, but has hinted at it being sexual abuse. She was also a victim of statutory rape (by a 26 year old, now behind bars).
While in the park, I asked her to promise me not to have sex anymore. She promised. I feel like I did some good in her life by letting her fall in love with me because of that promise. Still, it doesn't undo what she's already done.
Every girl I've ever been intimately involved with has been quite virgin. So this is a new dilemma for me. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about it all. I need outsider opinions.
If you're a guy: Have you ever been involved with a girl who had a sexual history? How did you feel knowing you weren't the first to lay with her?
And have you ever dated a girl who's been sexually abused? How did you deal with that?
If you're a girl and have been sexually abused: how has that affected your relationships? And How would you most want a man you're attracted to to react? Would you want to talk about it with him? Would you want him to act like your past never happened?
I could go on and on about this. Sex is treated as too cavalier these days. I'm no prude, but sex is always a big deal. Any input is highly appreciated.
I've recently turned 20. I haven't posted much on this forum, but I used to read it quite a bit. Now that I'm no longer a "teen" I will make this my last contribution.
Not to my delight, I'm a romantic. In it's purist sense. I need to feel adventure, mystery, intrigue, and conflict. Which makes what's come to pass even more complicated for me. I've fallen for a girl. I want nothing more than to hold her, but she's not the sort of girl that would be good for me.We have the same favorite color, we enjoy the same foods, we were both born on the sixth day of the sixth month, and the first time we ever spoke on the phone she let slip an "I love you" - which she immediately regretted. Things seem fantastically right at right. We haven't spent so much time together that I would be comfortable saying that I know her, but even the qualities I'm ashamed to desire, she contains. That doesn't mean, however, that there aren't things to discourage me from being with her. She's 4 years (to the day, no less) my junior. This raises problems on both a personal and social level. She's no where near as smart as I am, people say I need a girl with whom I could challenge myself. And they may be right in thinking that would be better for me.
None of those things bother me. What bothers me most about her is that she's not a virgin. I've had my fair share of experiences, but she seemed to have been with every guy and girl who ever complimented her. I've never asked her for a number, I'd be too scared to. The one and only time I kissed her, we were in the park. We held each other on a blanket in the shade. I told her we couldn't be together, and that this would be the last time we saw each other for a long while. She understood. Now I want to be with her. I want to keep seeing her. I want to make a commitment to her. But I can't shake the thought of other men entering her in her bed. Or of her being pleasured by women. I know she's had voluntary sexual encounters, but I also know she's had less than voluntary ones. She had an abusive father. She's never said explicitly, but has hinted at it being sexual abuse. She was also a victim of statutory rape (by a 26 year old, now behind bars).
While in the park, I asked her to promise me not to have sex anymore. She promised. I feel like I did some good in her life by letting her fall in love with me because of that promise. Still, it doesn't undo what she's already done.
Every girl I've ever been intimately involved with has been quite virgin. So this is a new dilemma for me. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about it all. I need outsider opinions.
If you're a guy: Have you ever been involved with a girl who had a sexual history? How did you feel knowing you weren't the first to lay with her?
And have you ever dated a girl who's been sexually abused? How did you deal with that?
If you're a girl and have been sexually abused: how has that affected your relationships? And How would you most want a man you're attracted to to react? Would you want to talk about it with him? Would you want him to act like your past never happened?
I could go on and on about this. Sex is treated as too cavalier these days. I'm no prude, but sex is always a big deal. Any input is highly appreciated.