How old is too old?

[Carly99]

Just wondering if anyone has ever dated or been with a guy or girl older than them. Like where you have to hide it.

I don't know if I should stay with him. He's the best guy ever. He's sweet and smart and perfect. But I'm just so stressed about hiding it and all the baggage he has. Just wanted some advice.

[suicidenote.]

I have been in the exact same situation as you before. I was 13 and he was 17. There was NO way my parents could find out about it or they would kill me. But I loved him so much, he had a perfect personality and was the sweetest guy you'd ever meet.
But if you are seeking advice on whether to stay with him or not, I'd suggest you don't. It didn't turn out well for me, we began growing apart because we could never see eachother in fear of my parents finding out. And I ended up being heartbroken over my own stupid mistake of letting it go on for so long.
In the end, it's up to you though.

[Carly99]

Did you have sex with him? Did that affect your decision?

[suicidenote.]

No, we never had sex. I only would have if my parents knew about us and I actually felt it was right to. I'm glad I didn't.

[Carly99]

What if he's older than 17?

[Carly99]

Why 14-15 years diff? Jw

[Alice]

I'm 15 and I'm dating a 21 year old guy, we started dating a year ago. And YES, we have to hide the fact that we're dating

[Carly99]

How do you know him?

[NobodysCupOf Tea]

I've been with guys older than me, i was 16 he was 21, but i've never dated one :P

listen to the song 'Take her back - The Pigeon Detectives'.. i think it'll help ;)

[Carly99]

So ur saying it's all just numbers? 13,18,30 whatever. I think ur right.

[niceguy90]

if u have to hide something, its not worth it

[Philleeep]

even tho numbers are numbers there is still a limit, not a single person would agree 13 with like 38 or like 16 and 65

[Tristin.]

as the saying goes, "a number is just a number..........yeah, so is a jail sentence" i think a 2-3 year diff is ok in your teens etc but 10 years id say was a max limit.

[Carly99]

even tho numbers are numbers there is still a limit, not a single person would agree 13 with like 38 or like 16 and 65

What About 13 and 30?

[Tristin.]

that is wrong. im sorry, but it is. your still a child at 13.

[SosbanFach]

Well then he's more than twice your age! Never going to work! 17 years older is too much.

[Carly99]

Ok just forget the whole thread. I probably shouldn't have brought it up.

[Tristin.]

you asked our opinions dear we wont whisper silver words im afraid

[Carly99]

I know. Idk what I expected to hear. Thanks I guess.

[Tristin.]

we re just worrying for our safety if snything, 17 years difference is alot and if anything....sexual were to happen, bot parties could get into ALOT of trouble

[Carly99]

But we won't get caught. He's made sure I won't tell anyone and we don't email or text anything that will get him in trouble. We're safe like that.

[Tristin.]

do what you think is right :) thats all you can do :)

[Carly99]

Thank you. I know he loves me. And I love him. He takes care of me better than my parents ever have. We won't have to hide it forever.

[mbishop94479]

If you get caught, he can go to prison. Once you've reached the age of consent, having sex isn't illegal but frowned upon. Once you're 18, it's legal but still a 17 year age difference. Just be careful.

[Tristin.]

i advise you think carefully on this, if your old enough to do what you claim to have done, then you are mature enough to think this through rationaly.

[Carly99]

Actually 16 is the age in my state. So we only have to hide it for 2 1/2 more years. then just be careful not to piss off my parents.

[Tristin.]

dont be stubborn, think and think long.

[Carly99]

I have thought it through. We took a long time before every step.

[SosbanFach]

Even so, he could be charged with rape.

[Tristin.]

i hate to say it, but your 13. im 16 and i hardly know the world yet, please, please, please be careful and dont be a silly girl. please.

[Carly99]

I'll never tell on him.

And that's the thing. There's so much I don't know. But I've learned a ton from him. I'm way more mature than everyone at my school because of him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[mbishop94479]

I think the general consensus is 13 and 30 is too old.

This is about more than not pissing off your parents. Do you realize that he could go to jail for it?

[Carly99]

Omg yes! But we won't get caught. He's taught me to be careful and never do or say anything that will get him in trouble.

If he is willing to risk it then I'll do whatever he needs.

[Tristin.]

i hate to say it, but he sounds like he is playing you. he also sounds like he is rather.....peadeophillic

[Carly99]

How/why do you think he is playing me?

[mbishop94479]

So he basically told you "Don't tell anyone or I'll....."? That's like a pedophile. How long have you been together?

[Carly99]

And shut up he's not a pedophile.

[Tristin.]

he is showing you all these things that keep HIM safe etc. he sees a young girl he can use. im sorry, from what ou have said, thats what i see

[Carly99]

He didn't say or else. I want to protect him. I love him.

[mbishop94479]

How long have you been together?

[Tristin.]

your 13, how can you know love? you cant, im sorry. please, think here

oh yes, you have seen it on tv, books. but they dont show you or teach you love

[Carly99]

Of course he needs to stay safe. Hes the one at risk.

[Carly99]

How long have we been together? It depends how you look at it. Idk if I wanna get into it here.

[mbishop94479]

How old were you at your first let's say kiss with him?

[ajp1993]

I dunno. My rule of thumb is if they're over your age + half they're probably way too old.
So 13 too old would be like 19.
Everyone is different though

[prob1996]

I think 5yrs or more is a little too old for one another. Being teenagers just a yr or two can make a huge difference (not just legally) and when you think about anyone over 5yrs apart is kinda in a different world. EX: 12 and 17--- a 7th grader and a senior in HS, really seems wrong. 16 and 21, Jr in HS and a Jr in college, again different stages of life, why would you care about a 16 if your in college w/ college girls?
I'm not judging and for some people age gaps don't matter and it works. I also don't think this really applies when you older than 18. Well, maybe if your 18 and their like 40. :P Just how I feel.

[madjoker525]

not to bash carly or anything but i agree with what tristen said above
you're 13, you can't know what love is.
im 16 and ive had 2 gfs, and ive said ilu etc but idk if thats how i truly feel/felt
love is a complicated thing. and different for every person.

im not gonna sit here and tell you you are wrong or anything, all i will say is echo what has been said, be careful and be smart. i dont know this guy, i cant say if he is using you as suggested by someone earlier.

its your life, and how you live it is up to you, but, do heed the warnings and concerns of those on here.

just a parting question as well...
is there anything in particular (besides a maturity aspect) that you see him in that you wouldnt see in someone closer to your own age?

[Carly99]

is there anything in particular (besides a maturity aspect) that you see him in that you wouldnt see in someone closer to your own age?

he's smarter than boys my age. He's more experienced in everyway. (every ;)

And I like learning things from him. He always knows what I should do.

[madjoker525]

not to get too nosey, but have you two had sex? (sorry if im not allowed to ask that)

my concern for you is that he is usuing you for sexual needs, and using his "maturity" and "smarts" to make you think its okay.

i could be wrong, just my opinion
like i said, no one here can tell you what to do, but just be careful with your life choices

[Giles]

I would just like to point out that he would actually be classed as a paedophile.

As a medical diagnosis, pedophilia (or paedophilia) is defined as a psychiatric disorder in adults or late adolescents (persons age 16 or older) typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally age 13 years or younger, though onset of puberty may vary).

Regardless, I'd say that an age difference of that magnitude is wrong even if you haven't had sex. If you have to hide a relationship, ignoring legal issues, from parents and friends then it's not really worth it because you can't talk about him or tell any friends about your relationship because they'll not only frown upon it but they could well tell other people that would take it further.

This might seem like it's a bit harsh but I know from experience. Late last year (Still 15) I was in a relationship with a 54 year old man and I didn't realise how wrong it actually was until I confided in a friend.

[Carly99]

What did u do when u realized it was wrong? What happened to the 54 yr old?

[Giles]

What did u do when u realized it was wrong? What happened to the 54 yr old?

He was using me for sex mainly so we weren't seeing each other really often, maybe a few times a week, I spoke to him the next time we met and convinced him that we should stop. Nothing happened to him, as far as I'm aware. However he could have been with other people my age too so who knows.

[joshuathebrainiac]

Just wondering if anyone has ever dated or been with a guy or girl older than them. Like where you have to hide it.

I don't know if I should stay with him. He's the best guy ever. He's sweet and smart and perfect. But I'm just so stressed about hiding it and all the baggage he has. Just wanted some advice.

My girl best friend (18) got asked out by some another friend of mine who was a freshman (age 14). Their parents didn't want them dating. After a week my gbf decided that he was too immature due to his age. Not that im calling you immature just clarifying. Discern whether or not he is not right for you. Someone too much older or too much younger will have different friends, class, clicks, social stature, and even personality/ entertainment styles. Soon he will be the age to smoke/drink (assuming you live in the us i didn't check). Would that be a problem? would he go out? just thought to think I can't offer any much more advice for I don't know either of you.

--edit--
others have talked about love. Just don't confuse love with infatuation. People don't love Justin Beiber that are infatuated with him. They get those butterflies in their stomach and they envy his position and power. that is not love. Do you truely love him. Would you do anything for him? Like die, or tell your parents... because if they love you they will acknowledge your love... maybe not at first until you can prove it?

[ShatteredWings]

:arrow: R&D

He's THIRTY?
Get out of that relatinoship. Now.

[LuckyLuke]

CARLY. You're Thir-freekin-teen. Do not date a 30 year old! That's a damn pedophile. YOU DON'T NEED A MAN LIKE THAT TO MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL.

The MAX I'd ever say is okay for a 13 year old is, and this is with a cringe, 17.

Furthermore, it sounds like you haven't had a strong male/father figure in your life and are trying to make up for it through him. This, this is wrong. He's old enough to be your dad. Carly- stop. Seriously, stop.

It's wrong, it's disgusting and by gd it's illegal.

If you need to discuss things like, "how to hide from the parents and the cops" no texting, no calls, etc. IT'S WRONG.

Lastly, you said, "he's more experienced in everything ;)" this implies you're doing sexual things with him and if this is the case.. I, I truly have no other words.



You wouldn't have asked this question if you didn't suspect something was wrong.

[Bath]

There's no official line, it's just maturity level. Like, some 14 and 19 year olds belong together, but a 12 and 17 year old don't. You see?

I've never really been in that situation.. Biggest age difference I've been in was when I was 15 and he was 17, which isn't that big of a deal at all. But yeah... 13 and 30? No way.

[Carly99]

I have a dad luke

[madjoker525]

others have talked about love. Just don't confuse love with infatuation. People don't love Justin Beiber that are infatuated with him. They get those butterflies in their stomach and they envy his position and power. that is not love. Do you truely love him. Would you do anything for him? Like die, or tell your parents... because if they love you they will acknowledge your love... maybe not at first until you can prove it?

excellent point on the different between love (and im gonna call it) lust.
have you felt this way towards anyone else carly?

[Carly99]

I've thought I've felt that way towards boys and other other guys but I haven't really.

I know it's for real with him.

[LuckyLuke]

People with these tendencies either have a lack of a father/strong male figure in their life or have been abused by a significant male figure in the past. If this has happened to you, then perhaps you should sit down and reconsider WHY you're in this relationship.

Carly, 13 and 30 is seriously unacceptable by all means. It truly truly is. As you can see, not a single stranger on the internet can even attempt to support this, despite the smorgasbord of life experiences people here have went through.

I can honestly say that I can't even imagine an instance or circumstance in which I'd consider finding this acceptable.

[mbishop94479]

As I've told you before, from what you told me about the first time with him, it sounds like he molested you and you fell into his trap. The way you described it just makes him seem like a child molester and you don't see that. How do you not see that?

[HeartCoreHannah]

When I was 15, I was madly in love with a 21 year old. I had to hid it from my parents and when they found out, I got in so much trouble. Most guys who are with much younger girls are only with them so they can use them for sex. Trust me, it's true. So just make sure he's really good guy and think about telling your parents.
You don't want them to find out you'll get in trouble and be heartbroken in the end.

[Carly99]

Was he using u Hannah?

[madjoker525]

As I've told you before, from what you told me about the first time with him, it sounds like he molested you and you fell into his trap. The way you described it just makes him seem like a child molester and you don't see that. How do you not see that?
unfortunately, stuff like that happens. idk what you two have talked about but if mbishop is right, you need to be done with this guy


When I was 15, I was madly in love with a 21 year old. I had to hid it from my parents and when they found out, I got in so much trouble. Most guys who are with much younger girls are only with them so they can use them for sex. Trust me, it's true. So just make sure he's really good guy and think about telling your parents.
You don't want them to find out you'll get in trouble and be heartbroken in the end.
hannah im sorry to hear about that, and i agree that carly needs to tell her parents, but they will NOT be happy


People with these tendencies either have a lack of a father/strong male figure in their life or have been abused by a significant male figure in the past. If this has happened to you, then perhaps you should sit down and reconsider WHY you're in this relationship.

Carly, 13 and 30 is seriously unacceptable by all means. It truly truly is. As you can see, not a single stranger on the internet can even attempt to support this, despite the smorgasbord of life experiences people here have went through.

I can honestly say that I can't even imagine an instance or circumstance in which I'd consider finding this acceptable.
luke is just on point with his shizz...and carly dont that this or anything anyone is saying as a diss to you, we're looking out for you, in your best interest

[Tango]

He's old enough to be your dad.

This is the first thing I thought of.

He is over double your age, he could of gone to school with your PARENTS. That's just not right. There is no way he could be using you for anything but sex (which you have made clear you have done with him, you are giving him what he wants which is why he continues to lie and say he loves you.) It just isn't right.

Also, you don't have to be the one to tell on him. The police could see this post, and find him and arrest him. There is a million ways besides you telling on him that he could get caught.

Like everyone has said, you are 13. You can keep telling yourself you love him, but the truth is, you don't know what love is.

How did you meet him?

[Carly99]

I wish he was my dad. I hate mine.

How did we meet?

He's my neighbor I'm bffs with his daughter.

[Tango]

So you are having sex with the guy that you wish was your dad, and your best friends with his daughter?

Way to keep it classy.

[Carly99]

I thought this was a safe place to talk about look for advice.

I've been given negative rep points for so much crap when I didn't even do anything.

And she can say this?

Idk what ur problem is but u obviously don't want to help. So fuck off.

[Tango]

You didn't do anything? You just told me to fuck off.

I did want to help, but you have made it clear on this thread and others that you don't want to take peoples advice. You just want to ask for it then make up excuses and argue. If you aren't even going to pretend like you are taking the advice, don't ask. You are wasting peoples time, people who are trying to help others that actually want to listen.

[Ambrosia]

This thread has gotten out of hand, and the OP has found her answer. Locked. :locked: