Trying to stop..

[Comatose]

After 4 years of cutting, I am trying to stop...

I've barely cut in months, but recently.... I feel like I have no willpower.

I attend individual therapy sessions once a week, and a DBT group once a week as well... but I never really tell my therapist when I have cut, or how severe it has been. It's either "no", "only a couple", "only scratches"... Part of me wants to stop, but so much of me wants to do it.

I know the logical/rational thing to do is to stop, and I do at times try to convince myself... but it is just a huge heart (cutting) vs head (not cutting) conflict. Always has been.


I've tried to do other things instead of cutting, but it just isn't the same. There is no comfort like sneaking into the school bathroom's to sneak a quick deep one. There is no comfort like seeing the blood rush from my leg in the shower. It's my beautiful secret.

I don't even know what the point of writing this is. I don't know what to do.

And when people try to help, I seem to just push them away, or lie and say I am fine.....the only two people who can help me, who I love oh so much, do not even want to be in my life. They have removed themselves from my life and I can't do it any more. I was stopping for them. I was continuing trying not to cut in the hopes that my efforts would bring them back, but it didn't. It won't..

[AMERICANelite123]

Hey, I've cut for 6 years. I've stopped for long periods of time but i usaully end up sneeking in a small one here and there...
It's hard to stop, i have been to a therapist and i would tell her the same things you tell yours. Eventually I got sick of lying, I just blurted out to my parents I cut myself a lot and then told my therapist. It really all depends on you, YOU have to be the one who wants to stop. i know the feeling it gives you, but then that feeling is gone. Try being with friends have fun, go out, forget. Write in a Journal, NOT THE BEST IDEA but maybe snap your wrist with a rubber band (in moderation) maybe even if you want to see blood try drawing on your arm,leg, etc with a red marker.
If you want anymore more help from me, I'm here. Just PM me?
I would be more than happy to help you.

[MadManWithaBox]

The thing about it is, if people ask, paticularly about things like this, they want to help. They do. So don't push them away. Talk. To your therapist, in group, whatever. Talk about the bad feeling inside you, even if it makes no sense at all, they're there to listen. Talk through the pain, and the urge. Its better than succumbing to it. If you need anything, message me :)

[Comatose]

Wow, I'd forgotten about this. Took me a while to find it again, hah. :/

Thanks. I did, at one stage, tell my therapist. I told her I'd cut. but again, I lied. I can't help it. I don't even know why, but I just cannot admit it to people.

I currently have cuts on my calf, and "F*** YOU ALL" carved in...I have therapy on Monday.... I don't know if I am going to be able to tell my therapist.

Speaking of which, I obviously did end up giving in and I've somewhat relapsed. I am not cutting every day/a few times a day like I used to....but I seem to be going back into the pattern of cutting every week or two. :/