i like to hurt

[morbidmonkey]

why do i feel good when i feel bad? that probably made no sense but when people tell me bad things on purpose, and i see the hate in their eyes, i feel so good. i never really though of myself as self giving, but i like to see other people happy. if saying bad things makes them feel happy then they should go right ahead. i sometimes realize that i say mean things too, so i like to isolate myself so i wont cause anymore pain. its this weird kinda cycle that i dont know how to fix.....oh well

[dreamland]

wow that's exactly how i feel... but not the hate in their eyes part. that actually scares me. but yeah, i like feeling bad because i always think that i deserve it. that i deserve more of it.

[morbidmonkey]

at least i'm not the only one

[Syvelocin]

There's a sort of comfort that comes with depression, honestly. I'm most comfortable when I'm not happy, because for years now, depression is all that I've known. I sometimes want to just risk anything just to feel like I'm in trouble, like people hate me, just to cause drama. I do risky things just for the thrill of it, because I think I deserve it, because it just makes me more depressed and therefore happy. People around you don't appreciate it though. The only fix is to not be depressed, but that takes therapy, meds, or in a lot of cases just time.