Five days... gave up.

[Magenta]

Now I need to make it worse. It needs to bleed out all the failure. I need to bleed out the stress and anxiety. I need to be calm. I can't be calm without it. It has to be worse.

[Alexithymia]

Jo, you don't need to bleed out those failures. Because if those failures aren't in you, then how can you learn from them?

Five days is still great. Especially when your life is bumpy and confusing. Try going to for five days again. Just five days at a time. It's not too large of a goal, is it? You can see it in the future.

[Magenta]

I don't want these failures. I don't want to be a failure. I am a freak and a monster. A monster who dreams of seeing blood. What am I? I can't go without this. I need it to stay calm. I need it to breathe. I can't do this.

[Chris25]

Jo if u were a freak or a monster u would be in a mental institution but ur not because u r a normal human being just like every1 else! But u r one of the millions who release their stresses out in self harm! It is not a weird thing! Five days is great btw!!! Im at 4 :/ keep it up and i will kepp it up also!! Im sry u hav such bad urges...

[ChaseThisLight]

When I was talking to you a few hours before this u seemed fine and chilled out :) Keep strong Jo, you can get thru this. 5 days, make a it at least 6 days this time- baby steps. every step is an improvement. one day you wont need it :) xxx

[Magenta]

I'm not sure if this is worth it. I'm a monster. I'm discouraged. I thought I could do this but I failed. I just want to bleed more. That's honestly all I want. It's what I think about all day. I close my eyes and that's what I see. Why did I want to try? There was no point. I need this too much, I like it too much. I deserve it.

[PartyPoison]

Don't give up Jo, just take it one day at a time, you went 5 days! That's good, now go for 6, find some thing to distract yourself with for when you want to cut, I make paper stars for when I want to cut, it's a huge help. Try 6 days<3

[Magenta]

I used to have distractions. I used to be able. I also used to not fantasize about it. I used to be sane. I used to be able to think straight without it. This is just who I am... I know I've been told otherwise but I've become a monster. That's just how things are now. I don't leave the house now... there's no point. Not with what people would see. Not a person, a freak.

[PartyPoison]

You're not a monster. A monster would not help everyone that you give advice and help to on this forum everyday. Throw out what you cut with, plaay the 15 minute game when you feel like cutting, and if you still feel like cutting play it again, go draw, sing, make paper stars, do your makeup crazy, read a book. SOMETHING. And people will stare, it happens to me all the time, but FUCK THEM. it's not their concern. Another thing, don't set a specific amount of time that you don't want to self harm for, it's more pressure that way, just take it a day at a time and see how far you can go, 5 is great, it's longer then I've gone in the past 2 months. Keep goig Jo, you can do it<3

[Magenta]

Thank you... I don't deserve it but thanks. Maybe.