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View Full Version : I can't take it any longer


Joshh97
July 5th, 2011, 08:40 PM
Well in around March just after my birthday I got woken up by my mum and she told me my uncle and my auntie were coming around, well anyway they told me my dad had been admitted to hospital and that I couldn't see him. So that was hard, anyway a couple of days later my mum got a call and we had to go down to the hospital because they didn't know how long he would have left. When we went down there we had to sit in a white window with blue chairs as hard as rock a white room with a brown door and a window with a latch on so nobody commited suicide, after around an hour we got called in to see him, they had put him in a coma to keep him alive, they didn't know if he could hear us of not, I couldn't even speak to him because he looked so different, anyway we got another 3 or 4 calls of him nearly not dying, so I had this not being able to know if he could hear me or not whilst I was doing my exams.

To cut a long story shorter, they eventually woke him up, but he didn't know where he was etc. I went to see him, 2 days a week. I looked forward to seeing him because he was my best mate.

Anyway, so when he finally woke up and everything started too look hopeful, and after long conversations in there from 4PM till 7PM with him we got called in again and he was gone again, back into a coma not knowing if he can hear me, the best bit was that if we talked his heart rate went up.

Anyway, after being in hospital for 72 days and being called in over 20 times, he finally passed away on the 19th of April peacefully without pain.

Now back to present time, a couple of weeks ago me and my sister were arguing with my mum and I lost it my uncle grabbed me by the neck so I picked up the nearest thing what happened to be a spanner it was 20" long (no joke) and went for him, I now regret it but were ok about it, the thing that upset me the most is that my nan said that it was my fault that my dad died and that I deserved to be dead not him as he was a good man.

And earlier I was on Minecraft building our themepark with my mate and I just got depressed all over again and now I feel like its my fault and that if I hadn't done things in the past he would still be here, and now I feel like ending it all.

DJZS
July 6th, 2011, 12:04 AM
You did nothing wrong. Why do you feel that its your fault?

Unsolvedmind
July 6th, 2011, 01:04 AM
I am soo sorry to here that. :( When I was about 10 years old my 18 year old brother (oldest) had died :( and I didn't know how cause my parents NEVER told me but about a month ago they finally did and i guess he Comitted Sucicide :'( I really miss him
L<3ve you brother you will ALWAYS be in my Heart <3

DoctorNewbie
July 7th, 2011, 01:07 AM
Hey, Josh. I actually remember you from a forum I still frequent. (I think so at least. It's a different username, identity issues and stuff)

Anyways, your nan is completely wrong. How, exactly, could it be your fault? It had nothing to do with you. From what I remember of you, you are a great person. Ending it will only devastate your mother even further. Think about it, her husband AND her son within that short period of time. So if you don want to live for yourself, (which you eventually will) please do so for her. Thanks. :)

Stronger
July 10th, 2011, 04:36 PM
First, sorry about your losss and thts terrible what your nan said, it is deffinitaly not your fault, try and stay proud, keep on living for your mom and your dad, hes always in your heart no matter. You have so much to live for ending it would be the worst thing for your mom.

qiuyeanwen
July 12th, 2011, 05:04 AM
I believe things will be forgotten over time, and there is nothing better than to live, because there are many people who love you.

XxMurderedKissesxX
July 12th, 2011, 09:55 AM
Im sorry to hear what happened,my sister tried offing herself on meth,and when they revived her she was in a deep coma. I couldnt talk to her with all the wires and machines hooked up to her either. When she died,my nephews brother blamed him for the death,and it was 100% NOT his fault. When people lose someone they look to another to blame,as wrong as it is,it makes morning their death easier. You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. Unfortunately for whatever reason she pointed the finger at you. Grieving someones death isnt an easy thing. All you can do is try and live your life to the fullest. From what youve written,he fought,hard. And you should to. Ending will just make this difficult time for your family even worse. Stay strong. It does get better,and there will be a time when thinking of him,doesnt hurt,but makes you smile at all the good memories.