i just want to die

[anon1992]

im an 18 year old guy , i started college last week.

im not sure if im depressed , but ive felt miserable and hopeless for the last 2 years everyday. like i literally have not felt truely content in idk when, its been too long. even when i have a little bit of happiness, i have a black cloud of hopelessness behind me.

in the past few weeks its been worse, and in the past few days its been really bad. im starting to want to die and want to harm myself again.


Warning:: may be offensive :

im also becoming increasingly paranoid too. well not really paranoid, but more seeing the negative in everyone , espescially girls.

lets just say that girls are not all that nice to me. and when you are feeling like s*it and self concious, even neutral things seem like a personal insult. like when these girls ran up stairs really fast when they saw me, im not sure if they were avoiding me , but that is what my mind initially thought. and im starting to almost hate girls . i dont want to hate girls, but im having trouble controlling my mind

and lately ive been having really weird ideas lately. like last night i seriously thought it would be a good idea to become a scientologist and i read scientology literature all night long till i went to sleep at 9 am (yes, i went to sleep at 9 am) . right now i honestly dont know what i was thinking.

i feel so miserable all the time that i cant do anything anymore, i just want to die , its such an overwhelming feeling

[Amaryllis]

Oh I can relate to you with the hating girls part. To be honest, I'm a bit of a man-hater. Everyone at school calls me a shrew. Were you hurt by girls in your past? Lol that's a dumb question. How are you with your parents? What made you start cutting in the first place? Did something happen in the last 2 years? You should really talk about it. Is there someone you're close to? If you don't feel too uncomfortable, you could talk to me about it. Feel free to PM me or something. You can rant, complain, just chat or actually, sometimes it helps to take it out on someone. You can just lash out at me or your computer if you want. I don't mind.

You seem like a really nice guy. You've come so far. Don't end it all now. I was depressed for 6-7 years but I pretty much clung to life by a paper thin string. Ever since anorexia, my depression's gotten worse. I can't concentrate or focus on anything. Nothing really lifts me up anymore. Maybe except helping others :) and sharing my story to wannabe anas/anas/ex-anas. You posted this thread. That means you're not alone anymore and admitting you have a problem and wanting help is the biggest, hardest, most important step. It will get better. I promise. Talk to me. You're not alone.

Faith And Trust