Huge crush - what to do?

[Oli1994]

Hey, wasn't sure if this was the best section for this; but I think it is. And apoligise in advance, as this will probably be fairly long.

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion that I'm bi, I find guys hot and all the rest of it, and seem to be looking at guys quite a lot compared to girls now. I still have some concerns about my sexuality though, gay sex for example.. Like only a few gay porn videos have ever really turned me on, while straight porn is fine. Though I guess that's somewhat normal as it has girls in it as well.
And it was only a few months ago I thought I would never have a relationship with a guy.

A few people online know that I'm bi and one of my mates from my secondary school (now in college) (England school system). He took it ok but had his own problems so to be honest didn't say to much.. He was asking the same questions over and over really "Why?" "So you would do a guy" the answer to that second question, I'm still unsure of.

I plan to tell my sister (19 yo) next week, and tell her everything. She will understand without a doubt, she is all for gay rights, and has plenty of gay friends etc. Will it be a shock? Oh yes..

Now to the problem:

Last year I started college, I remember on the first day there was a guy (lets call him Brad), I looked at Brad and he looked cool... I wanted to be friends with him etc. At this point I was still unsure of my sexuality as well. As you can probably guess, he's a really nice guy with a good personality and so on, and is cute.
He is straight, has a girlfriend, he is 20 years old.
I'm bi, single and only 17.

Obviously nothing can happen. I have only seen him twice outside of college, both of these times are within the last few weeks (one before college ended, one after it ended.. for the year). Both times have been at his house for drinks, needless to say his gf has been with him. Saturday night was one of these nights. The day after the first time I went to his, it was a sad day... crying like most of the day, really upset. This also happened yesterday, I spent 2 hours going for a walk, though for like over a hour I was just sat down crying, with the occasional scream and punching my thigh in 'anger'.. thinking what to do.

I would love to tell him how I feel, but thats a terrible idea. It will most likely ruin a friendship (which is getting stronger) and he would feel weird. During my walk yesterday we were texting a bit, I stupidly happened to mention what I was doing at that moment in time. He asked why and I just pretty much said, don't want to tell you now, might another time. The reply was like "well if you ever want to tell me, I won't judge"

As mentioned telling him I have a crush on him, can't be a good idea. I don't know if telling him a bi would be worthwhile either, I can't really see the benefit of it...
I think he will understand, he knows I like girls and stuff still. I just don't want to ruin our friendship, especially as it's getting stronger. Though you can say if he doesn't accept it, he's not a very good friend.

Hopefully I will see him more before we go back to college in September. When I'm with him, I'm just happy and always smiling. If he liked guys, I could see myself with him, Obviously though, that won't happen. So in the mean time I'm having a lot of sad days and outbursts of tears. Ruining a lot of things.. haven't even been eating much because I have no appetite

I guess I'm just looking for some advice if anyone has any....Will be appreciated

Thanks for reading...
Oli :(

[CaliKid24]

Just a warning that I am not the best at advice but I will give this a try. Well, if you want there to be at least a strong friendship, u should be honest with him. You don't need to be detailed or anything, but maybe take it slow. You can maybe tell him that the reason you were crying was because you are a little confused about your sexuality. Tell him that you have always liked girls though. BUT mention that there is a guy (don't tell him that he is the guy) that you are very attracted to and it's confusing you, but mention that what is frustrating you the most is the fact that the guy you have a crush on appears to be straight and he has a girlfriend, and that you don't know what to do. If he trys to give you advice about the situation, than use that advice too. I hope I helped?

[Oli1994]

Thanks,

I could do that yes, but at the end of the day. I can't see any advice being helpful... unless he told me to tell that person, and well......then.... yeh I would be telling him!

I guess its just time.....waiting for the crush to die off, can't see it happening soon but nothing I can do about it so.

[Mynameisconner]

I've had this problem in the past, and honestly it was better when I let the crush fade. Some people say they "Wont judge", but really they feel a bit different (NOt saying that this person would do that!). It can also turn out to be even more detrimental to how you feel. I usually wait for people to reach out to me. And if they have a significant other I use that as my excuse to not invade their privacy, or to become a homewrecker. If he becomes single let him cool off a little bit, and in advertantly try to get the message across. Let me know if you needanything! I hope this helps.

[Extreme586]

To start off, it sounds like you in a tough situation. Since he already has a girlfriend and what not I wouldn't bother telling him about your feelings just yet, especially since your friendship is still growing. I think you should wait until your close enough to tell him something like this, you wouldn't want to throw him in the wrong direction and lose him as a friend as well.

I feel like I'm in a situation that is similar, but no matter what you can't beat yourself up over it! These things take time and it seems that your friendship with him is headed in the right direction so just go slow and let things play out. Who knows, maybe he will dump his girlfriend (happened in my situation) opening up an opportunity for you to try and tell him a little more about yourself. Tbh though I haven't made it past the "getting to be better friends" part so I'm just letting the summer go by so I can get back to school to see him and take it from there. Good luck and I hope things take a turn for the better.

[Oli1994]

I've had this problem in the past, and honestly it was better when I let the crush fade. Some people say they "Wont judge", but really they feel a bit different (NOt saying that this person would do that!). It can also turn out to be even more detrimental to how you feel. I usually wait for people to reach out to me. And if they have a significant other I use that as my excuse to not invade their privacy, or to become a homewrecker. If he becomes single let him cool off a little bit, and in advertantly try to get the message across. Let me know if you needanything! I hope this helps.
Yes, well I guess most people would say that, but without knowing what the topic is about... Like it could be anything!

To start off, it sounds like you in a tough situation. Since he already has a girlfriend and what not I wouldn't bother telling him about your feelings just yet, especially since your friendship is still growing. I think you should wait until your close enough to tell him something like this, you wouldn't want to throw him in the wrong direction and lose him as a friend as well.

I feel like I'm in a situation that is similar, but no matter what you can't beat yourself up over it! These things take time and it seems that your friendship with him is headed in the right direction so just go slow and let things play out. Who knows, maybe he will dump his girlfriend (happened in my situation) opening up an opportunity for you to try and tell him a little more about yourself. Tbh though I haven't made it past the "getting to be better friends" part so I'm just letting the summer go by so I can get back to school to see him and take it from there. Good luck and I hope things take a turn for the better.
Yes, a tough situation for sure.

Well even if him and his gf broke up, he's still straight so can't see it making much of a difference if I tell him now or then... But by then, my crush might have faded away. Good luck to yourself

Thanks as well guys :)

[Oli1994]

Well, this morning I decided to tell him... I wouldn't have been able to tell him in person for a few weeks, so I sent him a text. Which I think has its advantages anyway.

It went extremely well... I felt really weird after I clicked 'send', I guess the fear of what the reply would be.

Won't put what he said on here but:
* Don't beat yourself up over it
* Still young, lots of people get confused
* I know your still the same person (The person I have told, thought I would change... he was like "I just remember the Oli who loves South Park and ......." I'm thinking, yeah... I still am that person)
* Talk to me about it when you like, I'm not bothered - got a few gay mates.
* Good idea to tell people you trust.

So went really well :D Put a big smile on my face, and had a good day :) Obviously I'm not going to say anything to do with him as I had already decided. Hopefully though this will put my mind at rest a bit, and hopefully I can stay happier :)