Fuck you Google

[HeartCoreHannah]

I was having a horrible say today. My mom took all my knives and razors so I had NOTHING. I searched the entire house, I couldn't find anything to cut with. I sat down on my bed and cried, I felt so trapped, I just needed to cut. I remembered that we have disposable razors in our bathroom. I tried getting the blades out, but I couldn't. Finally I Googled, how to get the blade out. Well as soon as I read how, I ran into the bathroom, grabbed one, and ran back into my room. I tore apart the razor and got the blades out. They aren't very sharp. So I thought, I'll just press harder than usual and they will work just fine. So I pressed a bit harder and ran it across my arm. It slashed it open and gushed blood. It's the deepest I have ever cut and to be honest I loved it but I was terrified. I didn't want my mom to flip and commit me back into the hospital. So I text my best friend and asked her what I needed to do. She told me to go tell my mom, but I couldn't do that. So she messaged her on Facebook herself and told her. My mom came up stairs and looked at it. By this time I had already had the bleeding under control. But I was really dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. Of course my mom cried and freaked. But I didn't need stitches and she said she would make me an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow instead of Thursday and one with my regular doctor so she can look at it. I just want help, I'm sick of cutting. I'm sick of crying over it. I want to be fixed. I just want to be normal.

[Tenoramic]

This is serious life is more than cutting yourself, please seek help

[Magenta]

Hun, you know help will get you what you want. Therapy will take time but one day you will be cut-free. I'm glad your friend told your mum. Just in case anything more serious could have happened.

I'm so sorry you went through that. You know where to find me, yeah? x
:hug3:

[Love.Hate]

You wont be "normal" or "fixed" unless you accept the help, and use it.

You have to want to get better for it too suceed. Im sorry about what happened but dont dwell in it you cant change the past.

Take each day at a time.

[morbidmonkey]

yes google gets me angry too....

[Veto]

Hey I just stumbled on this form and saw what you had said I feel the same way it's been i don't know how manny days it's been but i cry and hate it to I've never been hospitalized thanks to my Gma who took care of me while I was well found out about and was being monitored all times of the day I have had so much therapy I may just die

[Charlotte93]

Hay i compleatly get it, the first time i cut with a razor blade it went so deep and i got so scared but you got somthing going for you. You already have the tharapist and you're mom already knows so you've got past the hardest part. Just except the help you need and know we are all hear for you.
If you ever need to talk email me at [email protected]

[Chris25]

Im sooo sry u feel that way.. Just 2night i broke dkwn.. I didnt cut though.. I used a method that my theripst told me 2 use.. Take any rubber band(i prefer the wider ones) and snap it on ur wrist!! Gives u the same kind of feel as cutting!! Pain and then numbing! But if u do try that dont go all out like i did and snap it till u bleed... Just trying to help:/

[HeartCoreHannah]

Chris, I tried the rubber band thing and it didn't make my urges to cut go away. I ended up doing it until I bled and they took the rubber band from me, so I was back to having nothing. Charlotte, thank you. I will email you so if you ever need someone to talk to, you'll have a way to contact me as well. Veto, you should thank your grandma everyday for keeping you out of the hospital. Even though being watched everyday sucks, it's still better than being watched by strangers. Fraaan, I try to accept the help. I do everything my therapist tells me to do. But it just doesn't work. I want to get better, more than anyone would ever know. Tenoramic, obviously, I have tried to seek help. Multiple times. And Jo, thank you. I will come and talk to you, if I ever need someone. (: