What to do?

[Mynameisconner]

What do you do after you tell your mom, "I'm talking to a guy" (I'm a guy). All of a sudden that falls through, but your mom and some friends that were aware are very skeptical of you, and will not believe it was just you trying to "figure things out"? My mom takes every opportunity now to talk to me about being "gay"; she is very interested in my sexuality all of a sudden. I'm not even sure what my sexuality is, but now people surrounding me automatically believe I'm gay. What's my next move?

[Default]

I couldn't completely understand what you were trying to express in your post, however; it sounds as though there are two possibilities of what is occurring. Either your Mom understands what you are going through and your "unsuredness" and wants to coax you into talking about it. OR At this moment your mom is not accepting the possibility of you being gay/bi/whatever. I believe you should play it slow and find out yourself at your own pace, I'm sure if you continue to tell your mother and whoever else is asking, that you are 'figuring things out' they'll get you are still unsure.

I hope this helped you.

[Magenta]

I'm not sure what the issue was? Sorry, it just was phrased oddly. What I got out of it is that your mum is assuming you're gay when you're actually not sure.

If you don't like this, I suggest you talk to your mum. Tell her it bothers you that now everyone makes the assumption you're gay and you'd rather figure it out by yourself and privately. Seeing as she's your mother, hopefully she will understand.

As for other people, don't mind them. It's not worth your time and effort. Focus on yourself. If you are gay then great, no harm really done but if you find that you're not, deal with the assumptions later.

Remember, this may take some time to really work out. If you're unsure, don't rush yourself because of what other people may think and expect of you.

[Mynameisconner]

I'm sorry, I did phrase that oddly. :p

What I meant to say was:
I recently started talking to a guy and hanging out with him a lot. But (In regards to my other thread about commitment issues) I couldn't commit so I ended it. While I was talking to this person my family became aware of me and his company, and us spending time together. This lead me to tell them that we were "talking" They interpreted it as me being totally gay, when I'd consider this to be experimental.
Now after we are ended, my family still refuses to give me the benefit of the doubt per say. I don't understand how I can sway their opinions; I just don't like the different treatment that I have been recieving. I've brought it to their attention that it bothers me, but it becomes an elephant in the room. I don't know how to clarify things for myself when my family, and some friends are now thoroughly convinced. Is that better? :)

[Magenta]

There we go! Thanks, that cleared it up a bit.

I think my previous advice still stands. Obviously, don't go out with a girl or something just to prove people wrong. I don't know why that popped into my head but it did. As I've told you in other posts, only do what you're comfortable with.

I think talking is the best option or, if that isn't getting through, write a letter to your mum expressing how you feel. Sometimes the written word is a bit harder to ignore than someone just talking. It can sometimes be more powerful. Personally, I have trouble telling people how I feel out loud but if I'm writing, I'm okay. Example: if I were talking to you face to face, I wouldn't know how to give you this advice. However, writing it here, I'm a lot clearer.

So yeah, maybe a letter might be clearer.

Try it out?

[Mynameisconner]

That's a good idea, but my mom would read the letter and it would instigate a conversation. Also lately I've been struggling with trying to interpret what I want against what I think I want. I've been talking to girls, but not really sure why. I'm not that attracted to them,but I feel better when I do it because I think it is percieved more correct by society. When does the denial stage end, and the acceptance come?

[Magenta]

Well, if you don't want to talk about it with her just yet, tell her that. Explain how you feel and just say you don't think you're ready to discuss it and politely explain that you'd appreciate it if she respects that for now.

As I said before in your other post, everything comes and goes at its own pace per person. Denial will end when you decide that you're not going to let society get in the way of your happiness. When it comes to what you want and what you think you want, that's where experimentation comes it. Try things out and if you don't like it, you definitely don't have to do it again.

You'll learn to accept yourself in your own time. :)

[Mynameisconner]

Brilliant :)

[DJZS]

Dont ever do what you think "society" wants/accepts. Do what YOU want, its your life, nobody elses :)

[Mynameisconner]

Easier said then done ;)

[robertsjohnb]

yup,i am not sure.

[prob1996]

I consider myself bisexual because I find myself attracted to both emotionally and physically yet I'm really not sure if I 'm attracted to guys more than girls or lately attracted to girls at all. It's very confusing and fustrating to me at times. So I tried explaining this to my older brother and he has it stuck in his head i'm gay. IDK, myabe I am, maybe I'm not? I'm only 14 but he's positive I'm gay.
Some people can't accept the possibility of both. Some people have to have labels (gay, str8, bi, etc. )
Just live your life and love who you want to love.

[CaliKid24]

Ignore her, forget ALL labels, do what makes you happy, and dont stop doing you.

[Mynameisconner]

Thanks bro :) :) :)

[WonderTastic]

I have the same problem but it's different in a weird way .....
I think I'm bi and I want to talk to guys but I don't know how to spot out a gay or bi one and I'm afraid that if I ask one out then they might be like "everyone he is gay he asked me out"and I have enough problems with people calling me gay and I haven't told any one. I actually at a time when I was completely straight I denied it all the way (I still do) but everyone thinks I'm straight up gay and its annoying .. I never confessed and they are already talking about me ..so just imagine how they'll talk if I told them

[Kujiro]

Just like everyone else, you mum is jumping to conclusions, similar as do your friends. But if you'd ask me, most of our friends are either really straight, or being straight to blend or are just in denial.
They are denying the fact they don't know themselves well and too afraid to ask or explore about themselves.

I would not blame your mum for that, any parent would prefer their children to have a "normal" sexuality inclination.
It's perhaps in their generation these things are pretty ostracized.
But Ive always believed that sexuality was not a choice, but stereotypical thinking forces people to go the way against themselves, thus becoming the de facto norm.

People generally would choose to listen to only what they want to hear, and believe in what they choose to believe.
There's nothing you can do for now, till you are sure of your own sexuality, before if you decide to come out and face it.

Your most immediate move is to ignore the blabbering, and spend quality time undestanding yourself, there's nothing you can do to make them think the way you are in now. They pretty much would jump o conclusions anyway.

Knowing yourself requires time, courage, and preservance. No shortcuts.
But regardless what you found out about youself, it up to you how you intend to deal with it.
But remember, a lie can fake the entire world but....yourself.
Advice can only bring you thus far, the rest depends on you

Good luck
*smile*

[Sebastian Michaelis]

If you're this confused about yourself then there is no reason for you to be worrying what your friends and family think, as long as they aren't hating you. If they try to talk to you about it tell them that at the moment you are straight, but you are unsure yet. You need to find who you are. When you come to terms about your sexuality and finally accept it you can tell others when you see fit. Until then you should try new things and I don't mean go out and have sex, I mean go out with a few girls and try and get close to a few guys. I don't want to get all movie like, but follow your heart, it'll lead you to the truth.