The police came...

[FullyAlive]

I've been feeling shit recently. Like worse and worse, I just reached breaking point. I just wanted to die. I overdosed yesterday, then did something equally if not more stupid which I'd rather not share on here. Then later on I started feeling even worse if that's possible. I wanted to take more.

I spoke to childline. I didn't tell them I'd already overdosed. But they sent the police round they thought I sounded serious. The police came to my fucking house. I told them most of the truth. I self harmed, I didn't cut last night. But I lied, said I didn't overdose and have never overdosed.

They're writing a report, a fucking report on me. My mother really doesn't trust me now. I fucked my whole life up. And guess what now I really want to die. This hasn't helped, not one little bit. And I'm never ringing anyone again, not for suicide prevention.

/rant

[Love.Hate]

Oh im sorry Louise, its horrible.

Im glad you called childline though, maybe this will get you the help you need?

:heart:

[MadManWithaBox]

Louise. I told you about this. All of it. Its not good, not good at all. At least now, you have to get help. Use it, talk to them.

[FullyAlive]

I don't want their help, I don't need it.

I'm just mad, who the fuck sends police? Are they hoping to scare me? And it was the next day if I'd have taken more it'd have been too late anyway.

[Magenta]

:hug3: (See? It's the smiley you taught me!)

Thing is, anyone will send the police if they think you're serious. I've had that happen. It was terrible because I wasn't even sure if I could do it. Got dragged kicking and screaming out of my dad's truck by the police and into an ambulance. Fun, eh?

Louise, you do need help and I think, deep down, you know that too. You called a hotline so you did want help, I think, and you just didn't get it in the way you expected.

They're required to write the report. If I were you, I'd use this to your advantage. Everything happens for a reason, I believe the saying goes. Maybe this is just a nudge (or a kick in the arse) in a better direction for you.

:hug: You get an extra hug for this.

You know you can PM me whenever, right? x
(Also, look down, I edited my signature. ;) )

[FullyAlive]

I said I wasn't serious, i mean obviously that was a lie cause I overdosed anyway, but they weren't meant to know that. But I think they believed me, so that's good?

I don't know whether I want help, I just wanted to talk, have someone just I don't know, fix things for me, I know they can't but I wish they could.

I know they have to file the report but it all seems excessive, two cars three police people a report just because I want to die. I have my next counseling appointment in 9 days anyway I see my doctor in 16. I would have been perfectly fine. Instead they scared the shit out of me.

:hug: thanks

I know I'm sorry i had already overdosed when I spoke to someone. I didn't want to burden anyone else.

(I'm about to edit mine, look down erm soon :P)

[Lethe]

First off, let me say that I'm so glad you got the help you needed. Even though it doesn't seem like it was a good thing, it will pan out in the future. The people on childline called the police because they were worried about you, and because it was their duty to make sure you were safe. They were doing the right thing; do you think they could live with themselves if they knew that you were overdosing as you were speaking to them, and they didn't call someone to make sure you were safe? What if you had died? They would have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

I don't think your life is ruined. You aren't dead, and that is something good isn't it? Your mom may not trust you if you haven't been open with her about your feelings. You should try to open up to your family. Maybe you'll feel better if you talk to someone in your family, instead of someone on a hotline :).

[FullyAlive]

Thank you for replying.

But I'm going to be a bitch, I couldn't care less if they could live with themselves or not if I overdosed. It's their fucking job. I went to them, because I needed someone. Now in the future I'll have no one. No one left I trust because i'm too scared the fucking police will be phoned.

My mum doesn't trust me you're right, but I never hid what I was feeling she knew I self harm, she knew I felt suicidal. This shouldn't be too much of a shock. She doesn't trust me because I don't talk to her, and I might kill myself.

A friend told me today she'd trust me with anything even her own life, the only thing she wouldn't trust me with is myself. I'm pretty sure my mum now feels the same way. I don't know how I can ever change that now.

I can't talk go my family, only my mum knows. We don't talk.
My dad and brother know nothing. I'd prefer to talk to someone outside my family tbh.

[Fiction]

Louise, you really need to get help. I know ho you feel wishing that none of it happened, that things are worse. I felt exactly the same after I ended up in hospital but it DOES and CAN get better. It did for me.

You just need to make sure you're getting the help you need. Tell your couselors the truth. It may be hard at first, you may feel worse at first but in the end it'll all work out for the best. :hug: