rant

[Iris]

I am so sick of beautiful, skinny people complaining that they're fat. More specifically to go on and on about how they're 'whales' and 'disgusting' etc. Because half of the time I'm fatter and not as pretty as them. So what does that make me? If you're a whale and disgusting then what kind of horrible monster am I if I'm 2 in. shorter and 10+ pound heavier than you??? Maybe I should be put down because I'm so hideous. If you are gorgeous with perfect hair and teeth and a completely non-fat body and you think you are despicable, then am I some slimy gross creature that no one should even have to look at?? If you're complaining that you're almost overweight and look horrible then am I monstrous because I'm past overweight??
I always knew that I was overweight and fat and I hate it-it's not beautiful and it's very uncomfortable but I never thought of myself as disgusting. I never thought that fat people should feel 'disgusting' because of their weight! It's people like you who complain that they are hideous when YOU ARE NOT that makes it so unacceptable to be fat and happy. This is what feeds society into believing that if you're fat you're immediately also hideous. I didn't even realize that this was happening to me too-this change in how I view people-until I was talking to my psychologist about reasons why I cut and I said I'm disgusting because I'm fat. And she was horrified and angry because she said I have a beautiful face and gorgeous eyes but all I notice is my weight and that makes me feel like a horrible creature because society is so obsessed with weight. And she's right. So I'm angry at the people who cause society to look at weight like it's the worst thing that can ever happen to you, and make me bleed for this stupid obsession. I hate you. Fuck you all.

rant over. sorry if i offend anyone. I just needed to get that out.

[Magenta]

:hug:

[Charlotte93]

I just have to say .......IKR......ok im not that big but im not totaly small either and somthing that just bugs me to hell and back is when the skinnyest girls sit there and look in the mirror and take everything that they have by saying "i'm fat" it's like seriously if your that self absorbed in yourself that you don't even know how beautaful you can just go shove it.............................
i am so with you and plus i bet your more fun and smart and beautaful then anyof those stuck up kids staring in the mirror.:bigsmile:

[Lethe]

Okay, Lilys. How much do you weigh? How tall are you?

I'm 5'7'', 156lbs. I'm overweight. I can almost guarantee that I'm bigger and heavier than you. But you also have to take into account how big your bones are. I have very large bones for a girl. And I'm wide. So some of my weight has to come from that. Still, I have plenty of fat all over me, which I can't get rid of.

Maybe you need to really see yourself. Weigh yourself at a medical facility. See the number and know if you're overweight or not. Which I sincerely doubt you are. Most people who think they're fat usually aren't. Most people I've seen on this site who think they're this horrid fat monster are usually 20+lbs lighter than me, with lighter build. And that really frustrates the heck out of me.

[Iris]

Okay, Lilys. How much do you weigh? How tall are you?

I'm 5'7'', 156lbs. I'm overweight. I can almost guarantee that I'm bigger and heavier than you. But you also have to take into account how big your bones are. I have very large bones for a girl. And I'm wide. So some of my weight has to come from that. Still, I have plenty of fat all over me, which I can't get rid of.

Maybe you need to really see yourself. Weigh yourself at a medical facility. See the number and know if you're overweight or not. Which I sincerely doubt you are. Most people who think they're fat usually aren't. Most people I've seen on this site who think they're this horrid fat monster are usually 20+lbs lighter than me, with lighter build. And that really frustrates the heck out of me.

I am 5'3 and 159 pounds. I'm so ashamed of my weight that literally no one else in the world knows it.

I'm going to be brutally honest-your posts make me hate myself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I saw your pictures. I WISH I looked like you. Yet you think you're ugly and that no one will ever want you and it makes me feel like crap because you are truly beautiful and if you think you're ugly then I must be the most hideous creature alive.

[Lethe]

I'm definitely not beautiful, but thank you.

No. Just because I'm taller than you and I weigh less in terms of how our heights are doesn't mean you're worse than me. I can guarantee you you're much prettier than me, by a long shot. I know this because all girls are prettier than me. There's no argument there.

[Iris]

Honey if you really believe that then you have a disorder. I'm dead serious. You have a fixation over this and it's not true. Please please go talk to a psychologist ok? Because you are beautiful. I swear I'm not lying. Why would I? I don't even know you. I think I have a pretty face (after my psychologist spent 45 min convincing me) and yours is prettier. I try not to open your threads anymore because it's infuriating how wrong you are about your looks (and it makes me feel horrible about myself). You are not fat. You are not ugly.

[Lethe]

I don't think I have a disorder. I can function just fine even when I see myself in the mirror (which I do a lot). Just because I know I'm unattractive and overweight doesn't mean I can't be normal...people just draw attention to my ugliness and the fact that I'm wide and big-shouldered and unfeminine a lot. And I don't blame them for that.

I can guarantee your face is much better than mine. I look like a man, especially without makeup on. Your psychologist is right; you do have a pretty face. I've never seen you, but I know that you do. Don't compare yourself to me. I can guaruntee you are definitely much better than me, and you deserve better too. Take my word for it.

[Iris]

I have depression and I function too. You can have a disorder and still seem "normal" (I hate that word...). What people are drawing attention to your nonexistent ugliness? because they are either blind or compulsive liars.

See the difference is you've never seen a picture of me so you don't actually know what I look like. But I saw your picture and since I know what I look like, I can guarantee that your prettier. And honestly I am ok with that. It just hurts that you seem to think that fat=disgusting and ugly. Please realize that your not ugly. Please.

Also you have to realize that your insecurity is 90% psychological. It's not your physical characteristics. Go get help.

[Lethe]

They draw attention to it because I cloud the air they breathe with my presence. I don't blame them for being mad that I exist in their general vacinity. I don't like existing either. They aren't lying; people don't normally lie for no reason. Most people don't find blowing smoke to be a favorite past-time.

I know I haven't seen a picture of you, but that doesn't mean I don't know you're prettier. I can guarantee it. I just can. I know it's true because every girl I've ever met is prettier than me. And in 17 years, there has been no exception to that.

I didn't say fat=disgusting/ugly. I never said that. I said that my weight makes me fat and ugly and gross, because of how my body is shaped. I have a long, wide body and fat accumulates on my long torso and short, fat legs and my wide gut and it makes me look awful. Weight on a lot of people looks fine, even cute. Being a little heavier can be attractive; it can accentuate your curves. I have no curves, however. I'm a block. So weight isn't adding anything good to me. For all I know, you're curvy and what weight you think you have is only adding to your beauty. I haven't seen a picture of you, so I can't be sure.

I'm pretty sure it isn't really psychological. What I see is what is there; it's real substance. I don't think my mind could warp my body that much, no matter what mirror I'm in. What I see is what exists. And what I see and what others see is ugly and fat and blocky and unattractive. And that's just the truth.

[Iris]

No. this is all psychological. Something went wrong-maybe your parents did something wrong that causes you to have no self esteem. Any psychologist reading your post would immediately tell you to go to therapy. You have a very warped view of the world. And for some reason you think that because (you think) you are not beautiful you believe you shouldn't exist. I'd say that's shallow but I'm convinced it's a disorder so not necessarily your fault. Again, go get help.

[Lethe]

Well, for one, I'm not supposed to be alive. I was supposed to be aborted, but my parents waited too late to have the abortion. So here I am. And that's why I think I was born ugly and wide and big. I wasn't meant to live, and this is the punishment I have to live with until I die.

I really don't think it's a disorder, but I can't convince you to believe me since you're sold on the idea that I'm suffering from some type of mental illness. Who knows, maybe I am. If I am, it's because I'm not even meant to exist. Being ugly, fat, gross and wide and undateable is God's way of telling me that I wasn't meant to succeed in life because I wasn't meant to live at all.

[Iris]

See this is psychological. You feel like your worthless because you think your a mistake. Your parents are assholes to say that to you btw. Complete assholes. Because obviously it ruined you. You could be a supermodel and still feel ugly and fat because the problem isn't physical. And it's also something you can't solve on your own. Nothing anyone says will convince you that you're not ugly because that's just a manifestation of the latent feelings that you shouldn't exist or don't deserve to exist (I'm very into psychology :) ). The problem is psychological. Physical things like trying to decrease you weight are not going to help really. You need psychological help for a psychological problem. And really, what have you got to lose?

[Lethe]

I know I was a mistake; I was supposed to be aborted, and I wasn't. That's the truth, there's nothing psychological about it.

It's not just that I shouldn't exist, it's just my physical. Seeing myself and knowing that everything about my body and face isn't up to par with femininity. I'm not feminine, I'm not thin, I'm not attractive. I rarely think about the fact I shouldn't be alive. It's just a fact of life. If I think about it too much, it just become a nuisance.

[Iris]

I'm not denying what your parents said but I don't think you realize how truly psychologically devastating that was to u. That's what's psychological about it, and that's why you think you're so fat when you're not. Saying it's a fact of life actually means in your head it's a fact and literally no where else. It's so implanted in your brain that you shouldn't be alive that even trying to contradict it is useless. But your wrong; it's not a fact of life. It really is all in your head. That doesn't make it any less important because to you it really is a fact of life but that just means you have a problem.

You seem a bit obsessed with turning yourself into someone who is what society considers the perfect woman. Screw femininity. There are thousands of different versions of beauty. Even if you weren't feminine (which, btw, you are) who cares? Be you. That's it. And that is true beauty.

I am well aware that no matter how many times I say you are not fat or ugly or worthless it will not make a difference in your thinking in the slightest. Because you are so convinced you are completely closed off to seeing anything else. Do you want to feel like this? that your a mistake and your ugly? If not then go get some help for distorted body image and low self-esteem (and possibly something more) or else you'll continue to hate yourself for a long while.

[Lethe]

I don't know if it's psychological or not. It's a fact of life because it is what it is. I know it, my parents know it, my grandparents know it, my immediate family knows it. Everyone knows that I wasn't meant to be born. Whether they see me as a curse or a blessing is something they know and I don't, and frankly I don't ever want to know.

I care because being me isn't good enough for guys. Being me means that I am not living up to the general standard of beauty that is basically required for dating or marriage. I've never seen a person that looks like me date anyone. But I suppose that's because I've never seen anyone that looks like me.

No, I don't want to be miserable. But do I have a choice? I can be blissfully ignorant, but people will always still see me the same. And no matter how much I love myself, if no one else does how can I really ever be happy?

Getting professional help isn't an option. It just isn't. I really don't see what they could do anyways. How can they help someone enjoy life who is miserable because of life? I just don't know.

[Iris]

AGAIN I'm not denying that your parents said that you should have been aborted I'm saying it's psychologically devastating piece of knowledge and a possible cause of your insecurities.

You are being very shallow. You think all you need is beauty to find someone who loves you? There are many not-beautiful, happy couples out there. There is more to life than physical beauty, especially because physical beauty disappears with age. Honestly I think it's worse to believe that physically beauty is the most important thing than to be overweight. I'm not going to challenge your assumption that your ugly because nothing I say will change your mind. Why waste my time.

It doesn't matter how others see you, it matters how you see yourself. Are you saying that fat or ugly people can't be happy because of their appearance?? Is that really the key to happiness-physical beauty? That is, again, incredibly shallow.

Getting professional help is always an option. You are not qualified to say that a psychologist can't help you. Have you ever gone to one? Do you have all the knowledge that a psychologist/psychiatrist amasses through their years of study and experience to be able to say that nothing they know can address your problem? No. Plus, no one said anything about enjoying life. You have a distorted view of yourself, and the rest of the world, and that's what you need help with.

[Lethe]

Maybe it did cause my insecurities. I don't know. I can't say whether it did or not.

I'm saying that I need beauty to be happy. Because I know that without it, I won't be. I never said that "ugly" or "fat" people can't be happy and that they shouldn't be. People tend to generalize my statements and that's very frustrating. I don't apply my feelings towards others. I don't see others like I see myself. It's easy for someone listening to me to be angry at me because they think I apply my own personal rule to everyone else. And it just isn't that way. Not at all.

Who knows. Maybe a psychologist can help. But I do not have the option to go to one. My family won't allow it. When I'm an adult, sure, I can go to one. But tell me; what help can they really give me? How can they "change my views" of the world that are so "distorted"? That's all I want to know.

[Scoob]

You find yourself the most repulsive person to walk the planet practically. The thing is, you're not. There are so many other girls in the world who would WISH to look like you. Yet you'll never accept that since you somehow can't come to understanding that you are. How can psychologist change your views? Perhaps they can make you come to grips that you're not obscenely overweight like you think, perhaps they can make you think that you're truly a beautiful person then a black spot on the world. It's all just perhaps at this point because psychiatric help requires one major thing - openness and acceptance - something you don't have at all.

You're not open to others input unless it somehow agrees with your misguided notion that you're ugly or that you're overweight. You're not open in the slightest to changing your views that you truly are a pretty person - you're not willing to accept these other views as facts rather than just some internet teenagers just 'saying stuff to make you feel better'. No one on here is being two-faced. How do I know this? There's no reason to be. What do I get out of this by lying to you and just 'pretending' that I think you're not an overweight and ugly person? Nothing. I get absolutely nothing out of it, so why don't I just tell you the truth like I'm doing?

Your views are incredibly distorted. You're not ugly, not fat, and are completely consumed by this to the point that it is ruining your life. You are so hung up and focused on it but there's nothing to be focused on. You see yourself as 'too heavy' and 'too wide shouldered' and 'not feminine enough' and 'not pretty enough' and it's all BS. I'd recommend psychological help for this because honestly this is what fuels major depression and ultimately suicide. Not to mention you just need to come to grips with yourself that you're none of what you're rambling on about.

[Iris]

^ thank you.

Also the fact that the rule that you need physical beauty only applies to you proves my point. It's not actual physicality that is bothering you, because if it was then it WOULD apply to the rest of the world. It's your insecurity. It's in your head. No one believes it but you, and your setting yourself up to be miserable by creating this whole new standard for yourself that is literally impossible to reach. You are destroying yourself.
How do you know your family won't let you get help?? Have you asked to go to a psychologist before?? And trust me if you show them any of your posts about how you truly view yourself they'll get you some help. He/she will teach you to be self aware, realize you've got a problem, help you make reality checks etc. I've read some of your posts where you say you want to be anorexic, you want to die. Because of your fucking weight. I was planning my fucking suicide 6 months ago. You want to know why? Because I live in an oppressive religion, I've been abused and traumatized, I have depression and loads more. I weigh A LOT more than you and your saying you want to die for your weight? And you don't even see how seriously messed up that is??? You say that you're ALMOST overweight. That is in no way synonymous with ugly and fat and any of the other things you say about yourself. Instead if being miserable for the rest of your life go get help. You've got NOTHING to lose.

[Lethe]

I don't think it is fair at all for you to assume that it's just my weight or appearance that has made me want to kill myself. That's a very rude generalization. You don't know me; you don't know what I've been through, or what I've seen or heard or experience. It truly makes me not even want to respond anymore, to be honest. If I told you half of the things I've experienced in my life maybe you would have some sort of understanding. But I'm done arguing.

You're right. I need help. I need help to not see what myself and everyone else around me sees. Because being ignorant and blissful about the truth of my life is better than being aware of it, I guess. I'm not trying to be abrasive, but I'm very frustrated right now.

[Iris]

I'm being mean because I'm angry. I'm sorry. This thread is about me ranting remember? What did you expect...

I would never deny that other bad things are happening/have happened in your life, but somehow it seems the only thing you fixate on is weight and it's been blown to insane proportions. Maybe it's NOT better to be ignorant and blissful. For one, anyone can tell you that you aren't "blissful." You seem very unhappy actually. And second, you can't get over something if you repress it. I'm saying this from experience.

I'll be honest too-I wanted to stop responding like 5 posts ago because I could see this was going nowhere and just making me furious. But I was wrong. You finally realize you need some help. That makes it worth it. I swear I wasn't saying all that stuff earlier just to hurt you. I'm trying to help. I'm just too annoyed to be very tactful.