So I've started cutting...

[superstar2067]

First off let me inform you of how it all started, I was hanging out with some friends getting drunk (We do this a fair bit) and I decided to smoke some pot (It was already there). After getting high I felt good as I expected but as I started to come down off it I started thinking about how crap my life seemed and I actually started eating myself (Gnawing at my knuckles and I drew blood).

Even since this happened (A week ago) I've been really depressed and started cutting myself, one reason being having to deal with people at school and all their bullshit and also the pressure to get high marks as everyone expected me to. Now that school is out for 2 weeks I feel much better but I just can't stop cutting myself.

I'm really scarring myself and at times I'm having thoughts on how I would kill myself if I did and what I would put into a suicide note. So my question is. What's wrong with me?

Edit: Also lately I've been really self-destructive, such as proving to people I'm 'tough' but spraying deodorant on my arm at a close range for half a minute (Left a really nasty burn, close to 3rd degree) and also when people mention something I do it e.g. Slamming my head into a locker.

[Fiction]

First of all, stop cutting now. I know it may seem difficult but not nearly as difficult as it will be in the future. If you've only been doing it 2 weeks you have every chance to stop, if you try really hard now. It's an addiction, and the longer and more you do it the worse it'll get. Cutting is just a temporary release. In the long run it just makes everything worse. You only have to take a look around this forum to see that.

I don't know much about drugs and their relation to changes in emotions, but I do know that it can happen. I'm not sure but I think that it can just sort of.. wear off. Maybe leave it a few weeks and see what happens? If you carry on cutting though, if that feeling does "wear off", it won't be the end, because your addiction to cutting will stay with you and only get worse.

If it carries on though go and see a doctor. You should probably tell them that it's since you took drugs too, they may be able to help.

[superstar2067]

Thanks Fiction, I've been trying to but I can't. Like last night I told myself 'just one cut' but I ended up doing more than just one. I want to tell someone but I'm afraid of what they'll think of me since I'm the person who has the 'perfect' life.

Edit: And even if I told someone, I don't think it'll help

[Fiction]

Try getting rid of whatever you use to cut with. I've been cutting almost 2 years. I'd never been more than 18 days without it, and i'd only managed that once.

I got rid of all my blades and I haven't cut since. That was 32 days ago now. Getting rid of all temptation really is the best way to do it. :hug:

I was exactly the same with telling someone, in the end I never had the courage to tell anyone and people found out when I tried to kill myself. It was the worst way people could have found out, and the whole situation could have been avoided if i'd only told someone sooner. It's worth getting help. :)

[superstar2067]

I'll see how I go tonight and thanks again for the advice

Edit: (I always forgot stuff :P) I can't really get rid of what I use because right now I'm using a razor but even then I have scissors and other sharp objects in my room which I need in there.

[Fiction]

Maybe you could put them somewhere more out of reach? So you have to think about it before you can cut?

[superstar2067]

I already do that :(

[DJZS]

Ok, you need to stop cutting yourself, that is hopefully obvious. The actualstopping is the hard part. If we could talk somehow i think i can help you

[Magenta]

As everyone has said, you need to stop. It starts as "Just one more..." then "Just five more..." and then "Just fifty more...". Been there, done that. I think you already know how tempting it can be. Honestly? If you can't get rid of what you use, take a break from whatever you need them for, put them in a bag and hide them somewhere that's not easily accessible (like my closet, for example, has a dresser inside it that's very hard to get behind).

What's worrisome is how fast this progressed. I'm worried you'll seriously hurt yourself because you've become so self-destructive and the way you've been thinking. This all started because you were wasted? Being like that can make you think ways that aren't normal for you... and obviously the way you're thinking now isn't healthy.

I'd seriously recommend getting help. It's easier before the problems worsen. Once you get so sucked in, that hardest thing is asking for help. You can prevent that. Can you talk to a parent or maybe a trusted adult?

[bambino]

basically what everyone else has articulated.
its not worth it
I get the same 'self destructive/depressed' feeling after I drink or smoke weed.
since I started antidepressants, I haven't been able to do either, now Im coming off the meds I can but I haven't gone back to it- simply because it really messes with my head.

Some people can cope, but if youre feeling that way..like your mood crashes or you become depressive afterwards, then I'd say youre similar to me and in my gods honest experience, its a lot better to stop cold turkey. I know that sounds daunting when youre used to using drugs/alcohol for the temporary high, but you really do become a lot more focused and a lot happier when you dont have to rely on either of them.

I'd reccomend you tell your doctor about this, its not normal but it is treatable, if youre willing to accept help and support- it does get a lot better.
hope this helps

[superstar2067]

I tried again last night but I couldn't stop myself, so right at this moment when I'm not feeling too depressed I'm getting rid of my stuff. The razor has gone into the bin outside and my scissors and other stuff are all the way across the house. Hopefully this'll stop me

[DJZS]

I tried again last night but I couldn't stop myself, so right at this moment when I'm not feeling too depressed I'm getting rid of my stuff. The razor has gone into the bin outside and my scissors and other stuff are all the way across the house. Hopefully this'll stop me

It sounds like a good start, feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk.

[superstar2067]

I did it, I didn't cut last night :P

[Magenta]

Great job! It's a good start! :hug: