I can't handle it.

[Lethe]

I don't know how much more of myself I can handle...I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. Just seeing myself makes me want to get a bottle of pills and just down the whole thing, fall asleep and never wake up. What good am I? I'm ugly. I'm fat. I can't look good in anything. I have no real friends. My best friend never wants to talk to me, my new close friend is too good for me. The one guy friend I have thinks I'm disgusting and won't even go places with me. People hate me and think I'm ugly and weird. Well, they're right. They're right about everything.

Why can't I be pretty? Why can't I be more socially acceptable? Why would anyone want to be my friend anyways? A boyfriend? That's impossible for me. Marriage? Don't even say that word in front of me. That's absolutely impossible and way out of my league. I shouldn't even think about things I can't ever have.

I just want to be normal. I want to look like a girl. I want to be pretty. I want to be skinny. I want to be anorexic and bone-thin. I hate my body. It's gross and weird. No girl has a long torso and short, fat legs. What kind of monster is that? Who would date that? Well, no one. That's for sure. Why am I single? Just look at my terrible, gross, ugly body. And face. Just once glance at me and everyone knows.

Sigh. I don't even know why I bother living. What's to stop me from downing pills? Or maybe ingest poison? Maybe I'll go into the city and get shot by someone. That'd be an easy, free death. No pain. Or not much. But what does it matter? No one cares about me anyways. I'm the bane of everyone's existance. People at school hate me. No one wants to talk to me. I'm not pretty or good enough. I'm not popular or outgoing. I'm quiet and kind and sweet. Who likes that? No one. Not a single person at school or in the world.

That's it. Suicide? Seems really attractive right now. More attractive than I am...

[Scoob]

I went to your profile and saw an album labeled 'Just me' if that's you then you're taking this extremely out of proportion.

It's all psychological with you - you think you're ugly when you're not. Trust me, when I was around thirteen I thought that all the time, but then I forced myself to become more confident and now adays I can say I'm a pretty damn fine looking guy. Same applies for you - you think you're ugly but if you give it time you'll realize you're not.

Now as for fat... wut? Seriously you're far from fat. Now, if your guy friend actually said that to you then all I can tell you to do is kick him to the curb. He's obviously not a good friend to have. You look like a girl and you're looking at yourself totally wrong. Open your eyes and you'll see that.

Nothing is stopping you from killing yourself - nothing but the fact that if you did you'd leave whatever you love and cherish behind. Suicide is never the way out. You just want the pain to stop but really that just causes pains for the ones you left behind - trust me, whether you believe it or not people do love you and will miss you if you left.

Hopefully this made sense, been a long night and I'm exhausted. But I saw this thread and definitely felt I needed to try and help.

[Lethe]

Thank you very much for your reply :').

Even if I'm not fat (even though I am; I have a lot of weight on me) I'm still not up-to-standard when it comes to dating. I'm not pretty, I have glasses, and I'm overweight. Wearing makeup doesn't help, either, although I always wear it. I'm just not dating-material. I'm too ugly to date. What guy would ever give me his time?

[Scoob]

Not a problem.

Now, as I said - you're not fat. Hell, by most peoples standards you're considered skinny. You're looking at yourself as fat because you're trying to somehow match the anorexic and bulimic body type that so many people of today think is attractive.

Now not up to standard? How so? 1. You're not bad looking - you lack confidence. 2. Some guys find glasses extremely sexy. I know one girl who I personally think looks sexy as hell whenever she wears her glasses. 3. Like I said before, you're not overweight - not at all.

In all honesty your problem with getting guys is your confidence. You have none. You give yourself absolutely no credit so with that logic - why would a guy? Trust me, a girl can look 20x more attractive when she's confident and happy then when she's depressed and demeaning of herself.

[Lethe]

I'm definitely not skinny, at all! Not by a long shot. I'm 156lbs. I'm only 5'7'', and I know people my height that are 120lbs. I'm considered overweight. And people tell me I am, because that's what they see. I wish I was anorexic-thin. That'd be easier for me.

Not "bad" looking, but not attractive either. Not pretty. Not feminine. And without these aspects, me wearing glasses does nothing for me. It just adds to my unattractive-ness.

Confidence isn't really a problem. I'm happy and confident at school, but people still dislike me because of how I look. And it isn't just a few people; its most of the population I'm around in class and during lunch and whatnot. It's mostly because every girl at my school is beautiful; I live in a richer area of Phoenix. People here drive $100,000 sports cars to school. So it's mostly beautiful, thin, perfect girls here. I'm just one of those outliers that no one likes to be around...

The one guy I've ever dated was 300lbs and not particularly attractive, but he cheated on me by dating another much prettier, much better girl for a few weeks before he broke up with me on Valentine's. EVERYONE wants a pretty girl, not someone like me.

[Scoob]

Well considering your weight also needs to be factored by your height and frame - you technically do still fall within the average weight for your height. Other people have different builds so of course not everyone in your height range will weigh as light or heavy as you.

Trust me, you look feminine and all that jazz - you're simply looking at yourself in an unfavorable light.

Do people really dislike you because of your looks and such? Do they tell you this? Because I'm trying to figure out if you also think this way because someone else tells you or if you alone are the only person who finds yourself 'ugly'.

This, Dee, is what we call an asshole, they're everywhere and my gender is full of them. It wasn't you that was the problem, more along the lines of he is a jack ass who just wasn't capable of committing to one girl. The fact that it was on Valantine's was pretty low. Everyone does want a pretty girl - not gonna deny that but believe it or not you do fall within that spectrum :).

[Lethe]

Well...I'm very big-boned. Another unattractive trait, huh?

Yes, they do. They say so, quite a lot actually. Mostly boys. But when I look at myself anyways, I still see an ugly and fat person.

I think I am the problem, not them. Like you just said, every guy wants a pretty girl. And I just don't fit that mold. Not by a long shot. I'm big-boned, wide-shouldered, I wear glasses, and my face isn't pretty at all. My body size and shape (skeleton really) just isn't feminine. And because of that...well, you know.

[Scoob]

I dated a girl who was 'big boned' about 6'0 and well muscled. Honestly - she put some guys to shame. She had a pretty face and a great sense of humor so I didn't care that she wasn't the short petite type. You don't have to fall into the category of small boned, bone-seeing thin, and no glasses just to be attractive.

I'm sorry to hear that that some guys actually do say that to you. Why, IMHO is beyond me. In the picture I looked at you looked good. Like I said though, you're not fat or ugly. Hopefully you'll be able to conquer those ideas because they really are holding you down. Believe it or not you do fall within the "Date" range, the "Marry" range and all that jazz. You don't need to worry about it :).

[Lethe]

I know I don't have to look like that, but if I did (I can't be small boned, unfortunately...) my life would be so much easier. I'd probably be approached by guys more often. Being bone-thin for sure would help.

They say it because it's true? I'm not thin, and I'm not feminine or pretty. If you looked at me and then every other girl at my school, you'd pick any one of them and leave me far behind. All guys do. Why would a guy settle for something like me?

I may be okay to date (if a 300lb guy doesn't want me I don't know who will though) but I can't even begin to imagine getting married. Like I said, what guy would settle to marry something like me? That's an impossibility.

[Scoob]

In my God's honest opinion I don't consider a bone thin girl attractive. If I really wanted that then I'm sure I could find a flat chested guy roaming the halls somewhere ;).

Honestly you're being too harsh on yourself. You're obviously prettier than you're giving yourselves credit for. If you honestly are having such an issue finding someone in your school then start fresh and broaden your look to other schools. And trust me, I know you think you're terrible but you're not.

Trust me Dee, you are by far not the 'worst' someone could do. In fact for a lot of people you'd be a lot higher up on the totem pole than you'd think ;). There is a lot of people who would date you and I'm sure in the future there will be a guy trying to get your hand in marriage. I know from your perspective this seems insane but to everyone elses' it's perfectly reasonable.

[Lethe]

Most guys want bone-thin girls. I don't fit that mold, like I said. I don't fit the mold most guys want, and that is going to be my undoing.

I'm not prettier than I give myself credit for. Definitely not. I'm single; that should prove something. I don't even really have any guy friends. Even when I go out, guys still give me absolutely no attention. I'm just not the type of girl guys are going to be interested in. Ever.

I'm on the bottom of the totem pole. Maybe even below that, if there is such a thing. Most people don't regard me as a very high-status person, especially not in regards to appearance. I'm almost 18 and I've only dated once, and the guy didn't even like me. I wasn't pretty or thin enough for him. And he was 300lbs! NO guy wants a girl like me. It probably won't change in college. I know I won't ever date, and marriage? That's just not possible. It's definitely not something reasonable for me to look forward to...

[Scoob]

Just because you don't fit an exact mold doesn't mean you're going to be alone in the world. In fact - this is the prime of your life, you're going to college.

Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not attractive. I know plenty of beautiful girls who are single and have been since as long as I've known them. And although I'm pretty confident, I still get shy on dates and practically seem uninterested even though I am and am just trying to think something up. Don't over think it.

The guy you dated was an absolute dbag, he's not even worth discussing ;). You're plenty thin for a ton of people and you'll see that when you go to college. College is a time to reinvent yourself and perhaps meet a new group of people. I have no doubt that if you want, you'll easily find a boyfriend :).

[Lethe]

I know :(. College isn't going to be any different, though. There will be 10x as many hot, beautiful thin girls in college. And that's all the guys will want.

I know a lot of girls are single. But that's because they choose to be...I don't want to be. But I have no choice.

I don't think so. I really don't. I don't think I'll have any more chance of dating in college then in high school. It'll probably even be a slimmer chance...

[Scoob]

College is worlds different. There may be 10x as many beautiful girls that you for some ungodly reason think you're beneath but remember - that means there's 10x as many new guys :). Meaning more to choose from.

Not all of them choose to be. Some of them are beautiful but just aren't approached because people are afraid of rejection. Some are pretty but just don't show up on some guys radars. Doesn't mean anything against them or their beauty - just not their type. I can admit that there's some pretty girls that I've seen that just aren't what I look for in a girl so I don't even bother.

Your chances in college are worlds different then the chances in highschool! You now have more guys to choose from! Not to mention you could even date people outside of your college. You have practically an infinite amount of guys to choose between and find the right guy for you who cherishes you :).

[Lethe]

Well, like I said—I don't believe any guy, college or beyond, would lower themselves to date me, even once. It just doesn't seem possible that any guy out there in the world would ever be interested in me. I don't think any guy would be afraid of me rejecting him: that's just impossible. And most of those pretty girls date and marry anyway; why wouldn't they? You see them all the time getting married and dating and having children.

There may be more guys, but I really doubt that my chances of dating will increase. It just means more guys who will find all those prettier, thinner, more beautiful and dateable girls much more appealing than me, and I won't ever get any boy to like or want to date me. That's how it always turns out; why should college be any different?

[Magenta]

Dee, you are a beautiful girl. In the photos, I see someone I'd want to be. But heck, we all have stuff about ourselves we don't like. Seriously, you are gorgeous.

I think you can argue all day long about your flaws. I know. Why? Because it's easy. In this day and age, being confident is seen as cocky. If you can find someone bad about yourself, that's normal and eventually we say it so often, we believe it.

When I was a little kid, I went to school one day and finally spoke up (I was like super shy) and some kid turned around and told me I was weird and had a "man-voice" because my voice is a little lower than some girls'. What they didn't realize? That "man-voice" has gotten awards for vocal music. For every "flaw", there is something better. You can tell yourself that there is nothing better but you're severely kidding yourself.

Have you considered counseling or therapy for this? The fact that you're talking about killing yourself over something that is just so out of proportion and untrue is worrying. You're not the only person who feels like this (I was told I'd never get a date... then a guy asked me out and when I broke up with him, he was devastated because I was the only girl he wanted to go out with... and I never thought I'd hear that from someone after all the teasing and humiliation). Getting help at this point would probably be a good idea.

You are so beautiful, hun. :hug:

[Lethe]

Really...I'm not gorgeous. Looking at myself now, all clean from my shower and dry and with fresh makeup, I still look disgusting. I can see all the rolls of fat on my stomach, gut and legs and I have to keep redoing my hair because it never looks right with my face. There's nothing gorgeous about me.

It's not just saying it. Saying it doesn't make it true. Seeing it makes it true. And what I see and what everyone at school and in my city sees is the same. Ugly, fat, gross, unattractive, un-feminine, big, wide. I could go on all day about everything wrong with me. I've seen this since I was 11. And so has everyone else. I didn't think it so often that it suddenly became true to me. It is true.

There is nothing better. My flaws have no positives. My legs are short and fat. What is good about that? My long torso is a haven for fat and it's easy to see it. What is good about that? I wear glasses. What is good about that? I look like a man. What is good about that? You have positives. That's clear. But there's no positives about me, especially not drawn from all of my negatives.

I can't have therapy. Why? Because it's embarrassing for my parents. They believe I'm a ignorant, selfish bitch who only thinks of herself. And you know what? They can go on thinking that. I don't need a therapist. What good will a therapist do anyway? Tell me I'm okay the way I am and that I should just believe that without any real proof or reason?

You're a year younger than me, and you dated someone who really wanted you. You've already had more in your life then I will ever have. No, I'm not the only one who feels this way. But you have had more than I will ever have, and in that regard I don't really feel any better. I've never had a guy actually want me and only me. I've never had a guy who actually liked me. You did. That's more than I could ever hope for in my life.

[dean77]

Your really pretty I would date you any day! But I am on the other side of the world and I am younger than you. But miss you are so beautiful you must go to a crap school for no one to lime you. You should move to Australia!

[Lethe]

I doubt you would date me. Even if you think you might now, seeing me in person would completely wipe that notion from your mind. And no...I don't want to move to Australia. People there are just as critical of looks. In the UK, too. I don't think a person like me belongs anywhere in the world.

[Magenta]

Really...I'm not gorgeous. Looking at myself now, all clean from my shower and dry and with fresh makeup, I still look disgusting. I can see all the rolls of fat on my stomach, gut and legs and I have to keep redoing my hair because it never looks right with my face. There's nothing gorgeous about me.

It's not just saying it. Saying it doesn't make it true. Seeing it makes it true. And what I see and what everyone at school and in my city sees is the same. Ugly, fat, gross, unattractive, un-feminine, big, wide. I could go on all day about everything wrong with me. I've seen this since I was 11. And so has everyone else. I didn't think it so often that it suddenly became true to me. It is true.

There is nothing better. My flaws have no positives. My legs are short and fat. What is good about that? My long torso is a haven for fat and it's easy to see it. What is good about that? I wear glasses. What is good about that? I look like a man. What is good about that? You have positives. That's clear. But there's no positives about me, especially not drawn from all of my negatives.

I can't have therapy. Why? Because it's embarrassing for my parents. They believe I'm a ignorant, selfish bitch who only thinks of herself. And you know what? They can go on thinking that. I don't need a therapist. What good will a therapist do anyway? Tell me I'm okay the way I am and that I should just believe that without any real proof or reason?

You're a year younger than me, and you dated someone who really wanted you. You've already had more in your life then I will ever have. No, I'm not the only one who feels this way. But you have had more than I will ever have, and in that regard I don't really feel any better. I've never had a guy actually want me and only me. I've never had a guy who actually liked me. You did. That's more than I could ever hope for in my life.

Dee, everyone thinks these things about themselves. I doubt you could find a single person in the world who doesn't think something negative about themselves. However, thinking about killing yourself because of it is NOT something everyone does.

Your parents had you. They brought a child into this world and they should be ready to help that child. If you don't ask, you'll never know. A therapist won't tell you that everything you're thinking is untrue and you should just believe them because they are a paid professional. They will teach you how to deal with the feelings you have and how to reverse the way you think about yourself. Now, that's not easy and it's not going to happen quickly but I think you need it because your thinking is so distorted.

You think you're so hopeless in the world but you're not. If you were to kill yourself, you'd be getting rid of any chance of something better. You think I've had more in my life than you'll ever get? You haven't given life a chance. You're seventeen (I think... basing this off of you saying I'm a year younger) and you will never know what's in your future. The reason no one will date you? Because no one wants to date someone who can't love themselves. It's cliche but it's true. You'd never be able to love that person to the best of your ability. So first, you need to work on yourself. Getting a date won't prove you're better than you think you are. Realizing that everything you're saying is simply not true will.

I'm sure some stuff actually does suck but there's healthy options: glasses? Contacts are a wonderful thing. They're tricky to get in at first but I wear them and they're easy to get used to. This extra weight? Improve your diet and maybe go for a walk during the day. You can clear your head and get exercise.

You are not this disgusting human being you see yourself as. Everyone will tell you that. You're just incredibly closed off to being receptive because you've convinced yourself we're all wrong and we're just saying this because we can. I've done the same so I do know how it works. You reply to these posts with more insults for yourself... but what good is that actually doing for you?

[Lethe]

I know, everyone has negative thoughts about themselves. However, thinking things about you are negative and knowing things are negative about you are two different things.

My parents had me because they had to. I was supposed to be aborted, but my parents waited too late and here I am. An unwanted baby. So no, they aren't willing to help me. According to them, I shouldn't be here. I wasn't meant to. And that's probably why I look like I do, and why my life is as bad as it is. I go against God's plan.

If I can't get a date because I don't love myself, why did you get a boy who really wanted you and was devestated that you broke up with him, if you too don't love yourself?

If I were to kill myself, nothing bad would happen. My future is pretty clear to me; I'm not the type of girl that gets to date, and definitely not the type of girl lucky enough to marry. Like I said above, I go against God's plan. I shouldn't exist and because of that I'm ugly and fat and miserable. Whether or not God plays into this, I believe I'm like this for a reason. I wasn't meant to be alive. And because of that, this is what I am.

I can't wear contacts; the substance severely irritates my eyes. I do diet and exercise; for Christ's sake, I eat 1100 calories a day and exercise 30-60 minutes a day. But as I've said plenty of times before, I have never experienced any good results. I never lose weight.

I don't know what else to say...

[Magenta]

Well, for one, my problems mostly started after I dated him. I had worked on a lot while I was with him and after, they crashed again. My eating disorder didn't start until after so... sort of unrelated. *shrugs*

All I can say now is you seriously need professional help. Obviously, no one here can make you. We can try our best to help since you posted but... it's really hard when you don't want to accept anything we're saying. This thread can keep going for eleven or twelve pages but what use will that be if you're so convinced that everything we're saying is wrong? It's a harsh reality. Obviously posting here means you want help but you're really unwilling to accept it.

Thing is, if you were really this terrible person that no one wanted to know and was so ugly and gross, no one would be putting this much effort in to telling you otherwise. Don't want to believe that? Okay, you're choice. You do think all these things about yourself. You want to believe they're true even if they're not. Yes, you're incredibly pessimistic but no, you're not as bad as you think you are.

People go through feelings of shit and worthlessness for a reason. A friend taught me that that reason was to get through it then help others. Killing yourself is never the answer no matter what you say. No one knows what will happen in their future and no one knows truly what they're worth to other people. You've had some pretty crappy luck so far but it won't always be like that.

[Lethe]

I wasn't aware of that, so thank you for telling me I guess. Still, I feel my point is somewhat valid.

I'm not saying your opinions aren't helpful. I'm reading and listening to all of your responses. But you have to understand how hard it is for someone like me, who has never had anything positive in my life, to accept something positive when it has never been proven to me before. Ever.

Why is it everyone thinks that because I think these things, I want to? It's hard to change your brain's temptations. But no, I do not believe it is just thinking. It is truthful. Someone else in the world may not think they're true, but hundreds of people do think they're true. Dozens have told me so and continue to do so. And people normally don't waste their breath on something they have no reason to say. People can lie, but lying takes effort and you have to want to do it. I really doubt all of the people who have told me I'm ugly and fat and big and disgusting say those things to just blow smoke.

Who's to say that my future will be better? It will probably be worse, for reasons I've already stated. Or, it could be better. Yes, no one knows. But I have a pretty good idea, looking at the history of my entire life, which has been 17 years long.

Do I want help? I don't know what I want. I want to be worth something to someone. To a boy. To at least more than one person. But I haven't yet. My parents don't even like me. They don't want to put any effort in to make me happy, because I'm not wanted and I never will be. So what purpose do I even have in life? What good can I do?

[Magenta]

Obviously no one thinks you want to feel this way. Ugh, if everyone in this forum wanted to feel the way we do, I'd be seriously worried for humanity. o_O

Anywaaaaay.

Thing is, you can't revolve your life about meaning something to somebody. You have to find meaning to yourself. When it comes down to it, humans are alone in the sense that it's human nature to protect ourselves over others. I'm not saying "never find someone to care about or want to be cared about by" but just that in the end, it's you in your body and your mind and that's how it's going to be. You're going to have a very hard time getting through life if you can't accept yourself- flaws and all. Some flaws can be managed, others can't. That's how life is.

So some people don't like you? That's their loss. Thing is, you see the negative over and over and then it's harder to see the positive as clearly. And I do understand you- it's pretty hard to be told life is wonderful when I've been depressed since I was eight years old or younger. But I know some really happy people who have gone through some shit and I've seen some people who've gone through a lot of shit and push that aside to reassure me. And the fact that they take the time to do that... well, to thank them, I just take a leap of faith (and I know those aren't easy) and take their word for it.

This isn't something you're going to change overnight, I know that. That's like someone telling me "Well, you're not fat, be happy with yourself, etc..." and expecting the eating disorder to go away. I can work on how I view myself but the damage has been done already. However, the point is not to let that already done damage control your life and be able to start kicking it in the ass and working on getting it to go away, if that made sense.

[Lethe]

But what if I cannot find meaning in myself? What if I'm such a failure and I'm so worthless that even saving and protecting myself is pointless? Some flaws are just not acceptable. My whole body is a complete and utter inexcusable flaw. So what then?

It isn't some people. Its hundreds. My entire graduating class, and most of the people I come in contact at school with on a daily basis, classmates or not. The reason I see negative is because there is no positive...no positives at all. I could explain all of the instances to you if you'd like, but there are so many it'd be ridiculous to list them all. My entire junior year would be two pages of text easily.

The damage to me started the moment I was born. How can you reverse that? I'd love to like myself, but there is nothing to like. Inside is important, but you see your physical more than your inside. And what is on the outside is way worse than anything anyone could ever expect. I know you don't think my outside sucks, and a lot of people here don't. But a lot more people do. Hundreds. Dozens who despise me for clouding the air they breathe when I'm in class with them. I know these people are being truthful. I just don't know if anyone in the site is. I know that's really rude of me :(. But on the internet people can say things and think they mean it, but when they actually see the person their opinions completely change.

[Magenta]

Well, personally, I don't lie. Well, only to save my own arse. That's not the case right now so you can be rest assured I'm being truthful. Seriously, I look at your pictures and am like :eek:. Prettyprettypretty.

Thing is, the way I try to look at life is... the past doesn't matter because it's already happened. I also am fortunate enough not to be able to remember 95% of my life but I can understand how difficult it is to only look forward. The past hurts like a bitch. But that's all it does. Your present shapes your future, not your past.

Now I sound like some philosophical nut.

Some flaws are, yes, terrible but we live with them and we make the most of them. Example: I have social anxiety and I hate standing up and doing presentations because the fear sometimes makes me seriously screw up and look stupid. Guess what? I learned to laugh at myself. I'm hilarious when I'm awkward and flustered and I learned that yeah, it is pretty funny to laugh at.

Sort of an unrelated example but it's just to show that there is a bright side to a lot of things. Like, and I mean this in a positive way, you could fill out a dress better than I can. I'm a flat-chested stick. I look like I've put on a circus tent and am flouncing around in it. Amusing, yes, flattering, not really but hey! It is what it is. You have your virtues and so do I even if they're different.

:hug:

Seriously, I hope any of this has helped ever so slightly. I try my best...

...even if my best is terrible attempts at humour. I'm worse in person. :P

[Lethe]

The past does matter...because that's what people base their assumptions off of. As well as your appearance, of course...

I'm not good like that. I'm not funny. I'm not that type of person who people feel warm towards when I make a mistake. It's the exact opposite for me. Again, my whole life and body is one inexusable flaw. So what happens then? How am I supposed to live with that?

I don't fill out a dress. I look terrible in them. I can't really wear dresses anyways. I look crappy in them because I'm so big and wide that no dress looks good on me. I look like a man in a dress, actually. I don't look good in any clothes, but dresses are the worst.

I appreciate all of your help, and you're very kind to do this for me even though I'm stubborn :). Still, I just don't see any positives in me and my life, because there is none. So what do I do? I'll never be pretty enough for guys. I'll never be good enough to have real friends. I'm not attractive so chances are finding a really good job will be harder for me. I'm not even smart, so nursing (which is something I want to do) is going to be almost impossible for me. There's just too many negatives, and no positives. I don't know :(.

[Magenta]

I can keep going for ages. :D

Trust me, there are people who look at me and are like "...you're NOT funny". There are people who hate every fibre of my being and I have yet to figure out why. People are like that. You can't be liked by everybody. I'm liked by very few people, in fact, so I take comfort in those who do like me. There are people out there even if they are incredibly hard to find and it sucks, I know.

I can almost guarantee that you are pretty enough to get a job. There will be boys out there. There are boys out there. A lot of boys fear rejection more than us. They won't ask you out because they're scared that THEY are the ones not good enough. It's a vicious cycle, really.

As for nursing... my cousin just got into nursing school. She was a terrible student and isn't really all that book-smart but you know what? She wanted it so badly that she worked her arse off to get in. I've never seen her so proud of herself. And I know she would have been proud even if she didn't get in because she tried so hard. If you've got something you want to do, go for it. It's not always the best thing to be naturally smart anyway. It really is overrated. I think I get teased more than the people who get low marks do simply because I don't have to put any effort into school and I get told I'm a stuck up bitch... truth is, I'm doomed for university because I don't know how to study.

I don't mind helping. :) And heck, if I begin running out of things to say, I can offer hugs! I'm good at that!

:hug:

[Lethe]

I know, I can't be liked by everyone. But I really don't even have a really close circle of friends. Right now I only have one really. For the first time even, I was invited somewhere. Every other time, I have to invite someone else, but last night I was invited to go shopping. That made me feel really good despite the fact most people probably get asked to do things all the time.

I really doubt a boy would ever fear rejection from me. I'm definitely not worth the worry. Guys can get any girl they want anyways. Look at my ex. He was 300lbs, extremely overweight, and not particularly attractive, and yet he got a model as a girlfriend which he replaced me with. No guy has to really worry about that, I don't think. I mean, if a big, gross guy like my ex can get whoever he wanted, I don't see why any guy would want me anyways. I'm not pretty or thin or petite and I'm definitely not a model.

I'm going to work hard to be a nurse. That's what I want. I don't know if I'll be able to get it, but I'll try anyways. If I can't have a boyfriend or a husband or a good life, at least I can help someone who does have it or deserves it way more than me.

[Magenta]

That's great! I never get invited anywhere... that's why I'm slowly turning into this troll creature that lurks on the internets and creeps people out. *ahem* :P

Friends are hard to find. I've lost every friend I've ever really had and, well, it happens. You find new people eventually. I've just learned that it's not my job to please others. It's other people's jobs to accept me (unless it's something totally unreasonable like I'm being an arse to them).

Not all models are thin. I have friends who model who are plus size and, honestly, I like their photos better. Obviously, skinny girls have something of appeal but it's not the same as girls who aren't sticks. I don't think you can compare the two. Non-stick women (...that sounds like a bad adhesive) have their own beauty.

But go for the nursing. If there is one thing you want to really work for and you can feel good about working for, do it. There's no fun without the risks. :)

[User Deleted]

Okay, first, looks are the least important thing you can usually worry about. Personality is such a huge aspect of life. If you are kind people will like you for who you are. Any relationship has no excuse to be based off of physical aspects. As long as you are kind (Which I am sure you are ;)) you are already great. So few people have true kindness today.

Secondly you look great! I have seen your album. Please don't be sad because you look bad, because you don't. If modern society is too ignorant to see how great people truly are and see beyond looks, well then bother modern society.

Thirdly, before you get into a serious relationship, even dating, make sure they like you for who you are not how you look. Anyone too immature too see that isn't ready to date, especially a good person like you.

Finally, you may like this quote. My grandma once told me "It doesn't matter if you have a lot of friends, just one good one." So you don't need to be Mrs. Popular, just to have one person who will stick by you :)

[Lethe]

Being kind and happy is always good, but even on this site I've read dozens upon dozens of posts from guys saying appearance matters first and that's what they base their opinions on (first impressions). I don't blame boys for not wanting a girl like me; I don't fit that societal standard, not even a little bit. No guy would really lower themselves for a girl that looks like me and weighs what I do. Guys want a pretty, thin girl that's at least attractive. If not, it's hard for men (who are more visual than women) to have any interest in that girl. And that's my life...

Modern society isn't ignorant...they just aren't willing to accept something that isn't attractive or feminine or pretty. I don't look bad but I certainly don't look good. Not at all. Not compared to most other girls. And that's why I'm not accepted. Despite my best efforts to make myself presentable and somewhat attractive, I've failed miserably.

I don't really think there's any guy out there that doesn't care about appearance at least equally to personality. Guys don't want an ugly f*ck who's overweight and wears glasses and isn't thin or curvy or pretty. I'm sure most guys would admit that if asked. If I only looked for someone who cared more about personality, I'd absolutely never find a guy anywhere in the world...

I agree about the friend thing. Having one good friend is better than a hundred bad ones. Still, I wish I had a bigger social circle. Only having one friend who wants to hang out with me makes me feel even more like a failure :(.