I bought a new blade.

[Magenta]

I'm not even sure why... I just wanted to. I wasn't even upset, I just decided that maybe I'd go into the art store and see how expensive they were. *shrugs* So now I have a new one to add to my already rather large collection of sharp things.

I'm just never stopping. After nine years, I'm just too used to mutilating my body. I don't see the effort in actively trying ever being worth it. It is what it is. I'm messed up. I know that. But I'm also never getting any better.

I don't really want anyone's sympathy... I guess I feel like I lost the right to whine and complain a long time ago which is why I haven't been posting as much anymore. And that I lost the right to reply to others because I'm some huge hypocrite.

/rant over.

[Milton Friedman]

That is why the gouvernement pays for your psychiatric treatment in germany. Because here every single individuum counts.

[Magenta]

That is why the gouvernement pays for your psychiatric treatment in germany. Because here every single individuum counts.

I don't see what that has to do with my post...? I'm actively seeing a psychiatrist and was seeing a psychologist before I stopped going. I've done all sorts of treatments and it's not like no one wants to pay for them. I, personally, don't see myself as anyone of worth that "counts" so... *shrug*

None of that is related to why I posted.

[anonymous53]

Jo, remember that video you just made. The quote "You only fail when you stop trying" by Kathy. Keep trying :) You're worth it

[Magenta]

I'm really done trying. I've said it before and I've tried less than ever lately. I don't see any point except to make others happy... not that that will make me happy.

[morbidmonkey]

i kno its hard but THROW THEM AWAY. resist the urge to get them back. resist the urge to pick up a sharp object. wait...u live in toronto???

[Magenta]

i kno its hard but THROW THEM AWAY. resist the urge to get them back. resist the urge to pick up a sharp object. wait...u live in toronto???

Haha, to throw them away, I'd have to find them all. LOL.
Okay, humour was not in good taste. Ignore that.

I threw them away once last year... That didn't last long. I threw them into a river but I couldn't part with them. I got new ones.

Just so I don't take this thread off-topic, I'll VM you.

[Milton Friedman]

I don't see what that has to do with my post...? I'm actively seeing a psychiatrist and was seeing a psychologist before I stopped going. I've done all sorts of treatments and it's not like no one wants to pay for them. I, personally, don't see myself as anyone of worth that "counts" so... *shrug*

None of that is related to why I posted.

Ok, another try. Why do you think you began to cut yourself?

[Magenta]

Ok, another try. Why do you think you began to cut yourself?

I still don't see how this is on topic. I bought a new blade. It doesn't have anything to do with starting to cut myself?

I know why I started to cut myself a YEAR ago. I wanted to try it, I wondered if it felt any better than being miserable. It did. I started self-harming NINE years ago because it was my was of unknowingly dealing with stress.

Sorry, I'm strangely irritable today.

[Milton Friedman]

I still don't see how this is on topic. I bought a new blade. It doesn't have anything to do with starting to cut myself?

I know why I started to cut myself a YEAR ago. I wanted to try it, I wondered if it felt any better than being miserable. It did. I started self-harming NINE years ago because it was my was of unknowingly dealing with stress.

Sorry, I'm strangely irritable today.

Excuse me. Of course a 16 years old girl buying blades has absolutely nothing to do with self-mutilation. Obviously your purpose is to shave yourself properly. So forget me.

[Magenta]

Excuse me. Of course a 16 years old girl buying blades has absolutely nothing to do with self-mutilation. Obviously your purpose is to shave yourself properly. So forget me.

Obviously it has to do with self-harm, it's just not because I'm starting. I've been doing it for a long time.

Would be interesting to try and shave with an exacto knife. o_O

I was simply ranting.

[morbidmonkey]

i also got new blades....well i just took apart a shaver....it words really good....although i cut my finger trying to get the blades out....it was my writing finger too :((

[Chris25]

U r worth somehing!!! Truth me! I may not kno u but i kno that evey1 has a purpose amd every1 is worth something!! If i were u i would get rid of all the blades but 1.. I did that it made me feel like i i really had to cut i could.. But keep the blade hidden safely so if u do hav the urge to cut it will take u time to get it which will give u time to stop urslef... Just my thoughts.. Keep ur chin high