Switching between moods...

[Fiction]

My moods switch pretty much daily. One minute i'm totally happy. Like I feel like things are getting better, I start to notice the good things about my life, like my boyfriend and my friends. When i'm like this i'm scared of death. The thought of dying scares me... and it's definatly something I don't want.

Then the next day it can all be totally different. I sit there thinking about how I could kill myself. I know that the only reason i'm still alive is because there is people that I will not leave, but I still secretly wish that something, somehow comes a long and kills me.

I guess the best example of this is when I overdosed just under a week ago. I guess not enough to kill me, but worse than anything i've ever done before. I didn't go to hospital, I guess partly because I knew it wasn't THAT bad, but also because I didn't really care. The next day I got my birthday present from Aaron, and I spent the day with my closest friends. I still felt a little down, but the next day I was fine. I was actually scared that i'd done damage to myself. I was actually starting to fear death... And then today i'm back to wishing I was dead.

At the same time though, I now have a future. I have plans for the future and I want to be here to see this future. I'm just scared it isn't going to happen. It seems "to good to be true". Sometimes I think i'd rather die than watch it fall apart in front of me.

I'm shutting off from everyone again, and I mean everyone. I don't even want to. I guess this post is an attempt to open up again. ><

[Iris]

I just want to say that just the fact that you're acknowledging that this is going on means that you're on the road to figuring it out and fixing it. To me it sounds like you need to constantly remind yourself why you want to live (friends and boyfriend) when you're down, so you won't want to kill yourself, and you'll feel like those times when you don't want to die.
Also about the future-I totally understand. But worrying about it is making you miserable. So really it's worth the risk of being miserable sometime in the future rather than now. At least you'll only miserable in one possible scenario and not two.

[Weeping]

It could be manic depression? Right?

[Fiction]

I just want to say that just the fact that you're acknowledging that this is going on means that you're on the road to figuring it out and fixing it. To me it sounds like you need to constantly remind yourself why you want to live (friends and boyfriend) when you're down, so you won't want to kill yourself, and you'll feel like those times when you don't want to die.
Also about the future-I totally understand. But worrying about it is making you miserable. So really it's worth the risk of being miserable sometime in the future rather than now. At least you'll only miserable in one possible scenario and not two.

It's not like I can control the moods, and they just seem to happen. :/

It could be manic depression? Right?

I guess so.. I thought that was more periods of feeling depressed and periods of being manic? Mine is much more sudden..

I seem to spent most of my time thinking about death. Either really fearing it, or really wanting it, and that's what bothers me. How extreme it is. Sometimes the thought of death puts the fear of God in me, other times it's what I want more than anything. I don't understand it :/

[Unconventional]

It could be manic depression? Right?

Doesn't sound like it at all. The highs and lows of bipolar disorder last longer than what OP has described.

I definitely think hormones are contributing to your rapid mood swings and I think the depressive element is evidently more disabling of the two; your thoughts around death seem to be present in both moods though which is somewhat concerning. How preoccupied do you become with thoughts about death when you are happy and when you are sad? Have you spoken to anybody about how you have been feeling?

[Triceratops]

It could be manic depression? Right?

I highly doubt it.

Everybody gets mood swings.

[death_to_my_heart]

i have no idea what this would be called but this also happenes to me not the overdose thing thought i have never taken any drug sick or helthy but i accualy really hate it and i have attemtep suiside 15 times already 5 with a rope 1 with a blanket and the others with knifes and i can never kill myself bc i start to remembur all that i will have to leave and cry then my mom took me to a crazy person talker (lol thripist it just said the on his card) and it didnt help me so i feel for you your not alone

[Fiction]

I went to see a counselor too after my first overdose. Didn't help at all.

[georgiamay]

It could be manic depression? Right?

I doubt it. Bipolar mood swings last a lot longer, sometimes each phase lasts months at a time.

What happened after you went to see your GP about your eating? Have they referred you anywhere?

[Fiction]

They've referred me but i'm still waiting for the referral ><