My Short Film - Dear Butterfly

[Magenta]

Wasn't sure if this should have gone in Television/Cinema... I dunno. Mods, feel free to move this.

So I got this idea in the middle of the night... then filmed it and edited today. I wrote it this morning. Short film in a day! (For the record, because a friend asked over MSN, it's not a true story. Purely fictional.)

RXLEOhaI4uo

"A teenage girl writes a letter to deal with the loss of her brother."

[Love.Hate]

This made me cry, wow its really good.

Big Big hugs!!

:hug: :heart:

[Perseus]

You should have deleted the sound of you typing. It takes away from the effect from the music.

[Magus]

Like how you did it -- the typing thing and all, but unfortunately, you didn't avoid the ugly cliches. Which really disappoints me.

P.S I don't mind the typing sound -- adds to the atmosphere :P

[Magenta]

Like how you did it -- the typing thing and all, but unfortunately, you didn't avoid the ugly cliches. Which really disappoints me.

It would be helpful if you mentioned which cliches. Doesn't help me improve just to hear that they're there if I don't know what I'm looking for.

EDIT: I don't know why but I grew fond of the typing. The sound of my bracelet scratching in one sort of bugs me but I tried muting them and it just wasn't the same.

[Magus]

It would be helpful if you mentioned which cliches. Doesn't help me improve just to hear that they're there if I don't know what I'm looking for.

Well, this is one is a matter of taste and subjective opinion. When someone says changing into something else, in this case, a butterfly. I would have depicted that in another way, in a more vivid metamorphosis figuratively; something more symbolic and metaphysical. I know you wanted to use a butterfly as a symbolic bridge to connect between the lost one, but I would completely avoid(it's a cliche) this and subvert it.

The a way to show yourself stuck because your friend(boy friend I awesome) of some kind has died. Tearjerking, true, cliche, that also true.

One of the most baffling mistake also many people use is the adjective "Beautiful" -- this should best apply to feminised aesthetic; unless, of course, we are talking about a small child, that can be used then.(Hugging thing was OK)

There is nothing "Beautiful" in guys, I am telling you now.

Sorry, but one someone says short-film, I always expect something that's really experimental rather than based on cliches. It's just me being a critic.

How many scenes have we seen about someone who lost a loved one, with regrets not telling them stuff and what not beside their graves, and recite their life together(or lack thereof) in a poetic narrative? Probably more than a dozen at least.

Invent. Fear not of failure, it is all but mere steps. Close your eyes, not your mind.

[Magenta]

Well, this is one is a matter of taste and subjective opinion. When someone says changing into something else, in this case, a butterfly. I would have depicted that in another way, in a more vivid metamorphosis figuratively; something more symbolic and metaphysical. I know you wanted to use a butterfly as a symbolic bridge to connect between the lost one, but I would completely avoid(it's a cliche) this and subvert it.

The a way to show yourself stuck because your friend(boy friend I awesome) of some kind has died. Tearjerking, true, cliche, that also true.

One of the most baffling mistake also many people use is the adjective "Beautiful" -- this should best apply to feminised aesthetic; unless, of course, we are talking about a small child, that can be used then.(Hugging thing was OK)

There is nothing "Beautiful" in guys, I am telling you now.

Sorry, but one someone says short-film, I always expect something that's really experimental rather than based on cliches. It's just me being a critic.

How many scenes have we seen about someone who lost a loved one, with regrets not telling them stuff and what not beside their graves, and recite their life together(or lack thereof) in a poetic narrative? Probably more than a dozen at least.

Invent. Fear not of failure, it is all but mere steps. Close your eyes, not your mind.

I see the opposite. Everyone can make their own take on a cliche. Like really, how does someone invent these days? I write novels in my spare time and, trust me, every one of them hits a "cliche" because almost everything has been done before.

The whole butterfly idea wasn't a metaphor at all. It was literal. The metaphor was added in later. I could've used any animal and made some lame-ass metaphor out of it. I just chose a butterfly because that's what I wanted.

It was a brother, actually, not that it really matters. Fiction is fiction so I don't really care.

Anyway, who says you can't call a boy beautiful? It's not a mistake. A mistake is if the definition means the opposite. Beauty is perceived as being feminine in society but can, honestly, apply to any human being.

This wasn't meant as an experiment. It was a way for me to relieve boredom doing something I love and hoping that people could just enjoy it regardless of whatever cliches exist. I don't think anything is "cliche". It simply exists.

Meh, I'm just saying my take. Thank you, though, for your comments because I do take them to heart when it comes to writing new stuff (hopefully not at 2am... yay, insomnia-induced ideas...).

(And if I were to invent, I wouldn't be able to film it because my mind is pretty messed up and I don't have the capabilities I need with a crappy digital camera and iMovie. :P)

Thanks again.

EDIT: If that came out as defensive, it's not meant to. I'm working on my ability to take constructive criticism. >_< I always understand but I've not been proud of myself and happy with something for awhile so I'm trying to tell myself to suck it up. Either way, I managed to do this in one day so my self-challenge was fulfilled.
/pathetic.

[Magus]

I see the opposite. Everyone can make their own take on a cliche. Like really, how does someone invent these days? I write novels in my spare time and, trust me, every one of them hits a "cliche" because almost everything has been done before.

No, there are things that are called "devices", but are not cliches.
These things are used redundantly, but are actually good ones. :yes:


The whole butterfly idea wasn't a metaphor at all. It was literal. The metaphor was added in later. I could've used any animal and made some lame-ass metaphor out of it. I just chose a butterfly because that's what I wanted.

It was a brother, actually, not that it really matters. Fiction is fiction so I don't really care.

It was a real butterfly, but then a metaphor, noted. But be it a moth or a butterfly, both has the ability to metamorphose, and thus is a strong device.

It was a brother, but that was hard to tell, but noted.


Anyway, who says you can't call a boy beautiful? It's not a mistake. A mistake is if the definition means the opposite. Beauty is perceived as being feminine in society but can, honestly, apply to any human being.
It's a cultural thing then. Around here, we don't call a boy beautiful, if anything that denotes appearance, it would be handsomeness -- but since you are denoting the smile, then that's fine, it's ok, my mistake.

There are traits that fits one gender over the other, you see. Chivalry, bravery, boldness, nobleness and etc. These are traits that are best befitting the male gender.


This wasn't meant as an experiment. It was a way for me to relieve boredom doing something I love and hoping that people could just enjoy it regardless of whatever cliches exist. I don't think anything is "cliche". It simply exists.My dear, when I say "cliche" it is there for a reason. I am not saying your work is bad, all I am saying it is the same story over and over again. And, I already have pointed it out in my previous post on what they are.

And, by Experimental, does not mean it is an "experiment". It means the style and method and the artistic procedure in the making of the film. Yours was somewhat experimental, but the main exposit wasn't.


Meh, I'm just saying my take. Thank you, though, for your comments because I do take them to heart when it comes to writing new stuff (hopefully not at 2am... yay, insomnia-induced ideas...).

(And if I were to invent, I wouldn't be able to film it because my mind is pretty messed up and I don't have the capabilities I need with a crappy digital camera and iMovie. :P)

Thanks again.

EDIT: If that came out as defensive, it's not meant to. I'm working on my ability to take constructive criticism. >_< I always understand but I've not been proud of myself and happy with something for awhile so I'm trying to tell myself to suck it up. Either way, I managed to do this in one day so my self-challenge was fulfilled.
/pathetic.It did came out as defensive, as if my ideas are being completely rejected and are not being deliberated on. It's the worst thing a filmmaker do to a critic. Yes, a critic tone seem coarse, but that's what how we are :D

I am not saying this to you to make your future pieces that will amuse me or other audiences, I am saying this for you to get better and avoid the same mistakes, if you are going to delve into making a film, that is. Yes, film making is a hard work. If it's done for self-satisfaction, all I can say is congratulations. :)