everything is going bad

[houdeka]

First off I'm not suicidal, and would never end my life. Lately it seems like everything near and dear to me is slipping away. First off my best friend going on 8 years went to visit his mother in Arizona. (He lives with his grandparents) Today I asked him how his vacation was going and he told me he had to tell me something, he informed me he was never coming back. I knew he didn't like living with his grandparents, but he always said he was going to leave after graduation. Now I've got 2 years left of high school without my best friend. Secondly my parents recently seem to be getting on to me all the time. My mother yells at me for everything I do, even if I do it the way she asks. My father puts me down at everything I do, I understand where it comes from though. His mother put him down his entire life, and made him feel worthless. My big sister acts like she knows what is best for me, even though she lives half a country away and we have never been close. My grandma recently just passed. My grandma was the only person who I could openly talk to that was there for me all the time. I have my brother also, but he is currently attending college many hours away. I understand this is life and it must go on, but it seems my life has just gone to complete shambles in the last month. Resulting from this I'm constantly pissed off, and I myself recognized I'm happy being miserable. This actually scares me. It's not normal wanting to be away from your parents, all the time. I just wish I could wake up and realize this was just some nightmare, but It seems like I can predict each bad thing that happens to me with knowledgeable reasoning. I knew my friend going on vacation he would never return. I knew my grandma was going to die. I knew my brother would leave. I just didn't know It was all going to happen at once. It's very overwhelming, and I hate it. It's like a coat of grief I wear all the time. The sad thing is, a normal person would be crying while writing this. I wish I could cry right now, but I'm just too angry to deal with my emotions. I know many people will laugh when they read this, but it makes me feel better to be able to share all of this with people that don't have the same feelings as me.

[Iris]

First off no one would laugh at this-you're obviously hurting and there's nothing amusing about that.
Second-you need to understand that it's ok to feel this way. Loss has a big emotional impact and you just went through a lot of losses. You just learnt about your best friend leaving very recently so of course you're feeling angry and miserable. That combined with the loss of your grandmother and what seems like your parents' emotional abuse is a lot to deal with. Feeling like you are is completely expected.
Third-You need to go get help. Go talk to a psychologist or counselor or wtvr because it's hard to deal with everything on your own, and no offense but your not doing so well. Misery is a cruel emotion and it doesn't let go of it's victims easily. You might sink deeper into this depression if you continue this way, and things will just get worse. Get help while you've got the chance