Hurt Her Again!

[grstl]

Just when I think things are working out with me and my girlfriend, it happens again. If you read my other posts, you will find out that she is my only close, best friend. I tried to be straight and we have so baby boy we both love and take care of. I have since come to the conclusion I will never be straight. She and I have talked about it, and we continue as a couple, with me trying to minimize the impact of my true gayness on her and the baby. I have not touched a guy for sex in about two years. I continue to crave guys and cope with quietly using the computer. Today she found a link to a gay site and it hurt her. Deep down, even though she loves me, it just reminded her that I am not uniquely hers in my sexuality.....and then she is deeplly hurt. Again. And I grieve for never giving her my full sexuality.


Am I alone in this predicament? Surely somebody is in a relationship with parent, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, where the the loving, caring relationship can never ultimately be whole, complete and comfortable due to incompatible sexualities.

It Hurts like Hell! And always will. And we will still press on in this relationship because we need each other and our son needs us. I wish I could completely change! Any advice (except about splitting up)?

[Gleeboy1995]

You could split up and just split custody of the kid. If your best friends I assume that means you could tolerate seeing each other every day so why not try to find houses close together so your son can see you both every day?

[theatregeek]

If you keep repressing your true feelings then your son is not going to benefit from this. He won't be able to witness a true romantic relationship from his parents. Plus it's not fair for either of you to be in relationship if you're not committed 100%. You can still be there for her and the baby even if you're not with her as part of a couple.
I'm a child of divorce, I'm happy my parents split up before their relationship turned completely sour. If you don't allow yourself to be happy with a romantic partner, you're going to wind up hating your friend or just hurt her further or vice versa. That will definitely not have a positive impact on the baby. If you truly care about her, let her free to find a boyfriend/husband who will give her the love she needs. It does not make you a bad father, a bad father is not there for his children. You can still be there for her and him completely.

[Unlucky_Leprechaun]

Commitment is 100%, theatergeek hit it squarely on the head. It is not fair to you, her or the baby for this to continue down the same path. You are hurting her more buy attempting to be someone your not. At least try to separate for a little while and dividing the custody of the baby and see how it works out. You both deserve to be in a loving relationship that you are committed to even if that is with a boy, you at least owe it to yourself to be happy.

[LoginLeo]

Just when I think things are working out with me and my girlfriend, it happens again. If you read my other posts, you will find out that she is my only close, best friend. I tried to be straight and we have so baby boy we both love and take care of. I have since come to the conclusion I will never be straight. She and I have talked about it, and we continue as a couple, with me trying to minimize the impact of my true gayness on her and the baby. I have not touched a guy for sex in about two years. I continue to crave guys and cope with quietly using the computer. Today she found a link to a gay site and it hurt her. Deep down, even though she loves me, it just reminded her that I am not uniquely hers in my sexuality.....and then she is deeplly hurt. Again. And I grieve for never giving her my full sexuality.


Am I alone in this predicament? Surely somebody is in a relationship with parent, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, where the the loving, caring relationship can never ultimately be whole, complete and comfortable due to incompatible sexualities.

It Hurts like Hell! And always will. And we will still press on in this relationship because we need each other and our son needs us. I wish I could completely change! Any advice (except about splitting up)?

You are not alone in this one, man...
A few weeks ago my girlfriend, who i dreamed about for a lot of time, found a link to a gay forum on my computer... And she knows that a year ago i had sexual interaction and relationship with a guy... So she was freaked out, but now, as i can understand, she' ok with that... I hope..
So u are not alone...
Right now, i "Got out" of my gay feelings, and forgot about how much i wanted to have a boyfriend...
I got out of that place, i love my girlfriend, and we are perfectly fine, and i'm happy with her...
So i can say that i was at the same place as u (Just without the baby), but i got out of there...
So if u try hard, and if u really want to be with her, and to be straight, u can...
It's hard, but u can overcome your gay feelings..
Good luck :)

[Love.Hate]

I would sit her down and talk to her, tell her you just cant feel the same. Your son is your number one priority in this, what is best for him? Parents that are not truely in love, or watching you be happy with someone you love? when your son grows up he will understand that whatever you do is for the best. In the meanwhile you should talk to her about your options. You are who you are, you will never change that deep down inside.. no matter how hard you try.

Good luck :)

[grstl]

Thanks everyone. We always have talked about things. Our conclusions:
1. Stay private about my gayness in our environment (conservative Christian).
2. She will still hope I will change. I won't.
3. She still wants me to meet her sexual needs..and I will continue to give her the fullest, best there.
4. I will have to quietly find my sexual fun elsewhere...and never do anything that will be a health risk for us.
5. I will do my best to not be "in your face" about it. I already act so straight, others don't know.
6. We commit to still being best friends and share what romance we can.
7. Above all, our son will have two parents who totally love him enough to try all this to give him the best life possible.

We both still hurt and are frustrated, but this will minimize the hurts, allow us to still love and support each other and look for sharing family joys.

It isn't ideal, but, it is the right thing for us for now.
To this we are both totally committed.

[Solvez18]

my parents split when i was 4 was horrible too much arguments but im fine now. btw it wasnt over sexuality