I just don't know.

[screamtobeheard]

I'm so tired. All the time. I'm tired of everything. Of my mother treating me like shit. And acting like I'm a terrible daughter and that I don't do anything. I try as hard as I can, but lately, I've lost all my will to do anything. It's hard for me to move, most of the time. My mind hasn't been working right. For the past two weeks, I haven't been able to focus on my history course that I need in order to graduate. It's hard to see. Everything is zoned out most of the time. I always want to cry. I'm always tired. Even when I sleep. I feel like my sleep is disrupted. And then I'm everyone else's shoulder to cry on. I'm too weak for this. I can't handle it. I've even been too tired to cut. I can barely do anything. Last night, I went to bed and literally cried for an hour straight. And even then, I didn't fall right asleep. I'm not depressed. It just feels like it. I'm hurting my best friend. Not on purpose. By doing this to myself. By hating myself so much. But I can't help it. Last night, I had to tell her that when I stopped responding, I was asleep, not dead. She told me she always worries that when I stop texting, I won't wake up again. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too...I don't know what's wrong with me. Sorry about this annoyingly long post. I'm just lost anymore.

[Thanatos]

Well there is a silver lining in here, unlike a lot of people who go through this, you have a close friend who seriously cares about you and wants to make sure that you get out of this alright. What I think you should do, is sit down and basically fill in this friend on what you just posted, maybe ask her to help you confront your mother about it? No one can help you if they don't know whats going on, and if your mother is blowing you off, then having your friend there for support might help you get through to her?

I'm really sorry that you feel like this and if you want to vent ever just message me. :)

[screamtobeheard]

Yes, I'm incredibly lucky that I have not just one, but three people in my life who seriously care about me and just want me to be happy. But there's a downside to it. I love them and I care about them more than I do myself. I can't tell them everything. I don't want to worry them. Or ruin their happiness. And I do enough of both of them anyway. And I don't think I can tell my mom anyway. Because I go away to college in a year. And if I tell her anything like this that worries her, she won't let me board. And I can't stay here. I can't take it much longer. So I can't worry her. I'm just kind of stuck.

[Thanatos]

I know its hard to tell people these things and you feel like you're burdening them, however they obviously recognize the signs of the depression and so they are already burdened by the feeling. By hiding it from them you might actually be worrying them even more then if you let it out.

With your mother, it might be better to tell her now, this way you have an entire year until college in which to deal with these issues and re-assure her that you would be alright boarding.

[screamtobeheard]

That's true. And plus she found out about my eating disorder today. >.< Goodness. Thank you so much, love.