Cousin has an ED

[Love.Hate]

So my cousin is underweight, she hardly ever eats and what she does eat isnt good. Most days she will survive on a small packet of sweets. The doctors, her parents and i myself all think she has an Eating Disorder. But she cant convince herself that, she just says food makes her feel sick or she isnt hungry. I hate seeing people give her food.. it looks like she is just going to burst into tears. Im really worried about her.

So what im asking is, is there anyway to pursuade her that she is actually underweight and has problems with food?

Because she still is convincing herself that her relationship towards food is normal, and that everyone finds eating a chore. The hardest thing though is when she calls herself fat, she just cant see what everyone else sees. :(


Edit- She is 5"5 and weighs just under 6 1/2 stone

[SWMG]

Well you know you should like spend one whole day with her and take notes of what she eats and what you eat and compare it show her what a healthy person eats and what a umhealthy eats and maybe that way she will react.

[Love.Hate]

thankyou for the reply, i have recently done just that.. but she says i ate more than her because she didnt feel well that day? She makes up excuses all the time.

[georgiamay]

She probably does know that she has a problem, she's probably just in denail. Maybe if you tell her that you know what she's going through much be horrible for her, and that if she admits to having a problem, she'll be able to get better, and she won't feel that way anymore?

[Love.Hate]

She probably does know that she has a problem, she's probably just in denail. Maybe if you tell her that you know what she's going through much be horrible for her, and that if she admits to having a problem, she'll be able to get better, and she won't feel that way anymore?

Yeah maybe, i will try it. Your right she is in denial, im sure she is well aware of her problem. I just need to get her to admit it, so she can get better.

Thankyou <3

[nnnnnnnnn9999]

she probably does know she is anorexic and feels that if she admits it to you it is going to be taken away from her. she needs to get into some sort of treatment and relize there are things better than an ED

[Amaryllis]

Does she do sport? If she does tell her that if she doesn't eat properly she won't be able to do it. If she believes in god, tell her her body is on loan and if she doesn't eat she'll be giving back her body in a honrendous condition. If she wants to live, tell her she will die. If she does school work, tell her she'll concentrate better if she eats more. If she wants to be beautiful, show her pictures of chubby beautiful people. Then point out a weak skinny tree and a big strong 100 year old one. Which is more beautiful?

Also when you're underweight you'll actually WANT to starve. She needs to get to the higher end of normal on the bmi scale.

I know I sound really to the point and harsh but this is what I went through too. I convinced myself food was disgusting. ShOw her pictures of anorexics and that will be what she'll be if she doesn't eat. I couldn't see it in myself but I could see it in others. Eat with her for at least a week. Show her what normal eating is.

And tell her my story. I'm 14 going on 15 in 2 months. I developed anorexia at 13. I didnt even know it at first. I just wanted to lose a couple pounds to wear a dress for a party that never came. Next thing you know everyone started commenting on how skinny I was getting. Then all my friends left me. I was so tired. I dropped from a straight A student to a way below straight A student. Being underweight effects your brain. It got worse. I became obsessed. It was an addiction. At 2am in the morning I was doing starjumps. When you're underweight you don't sleep. You can't. So every night I walked up and down the corridoor burning calories. I was a walking corpse. I laid in bed liking my guts out. I could hardly eat. My eyes are permanently damaged from being underweight. I can hardly keep my eyes open now. I can hardly use the computer. My voice, the part of me I loved the most, changed. I looked in the mirror one day and I was horrified. Dead eyes. Skin and bones. My beautiful, hip length wavy hair everyone admired gone. I knew I was going to die but I wouldn't eat. Not even drink a bottle of Gatorade that could have saved my life.

Then I put on weight. By bingeing. Im now heavier than I ever was before anorexia. A skinny flower is not more beautiful than a fat flower. Is the sun fat and ugly? Food has become my life. It is all I think about. I was talented. Beautiful. Smart. I had friends. I got at least 3 awards every speech day. Skinny is not worth the consequences. Wether you find food repulsive or wether you're anorexic, you need it to survive.

I spent my 14th birthday exercising, feeling guilty for eating half a slice of my birthday cake.

This is long sorry bout that. Good luck to you all the best and I hope your cousin makes the right decision. :)

Faith And Trust

[Love.Hate]

Does she do sport? If she does tell her that if she doesn't eat properly she won't be able to do it. If she believes in god, tell her her body is on loan and if she doesn't eat she'll be giving back her body in a honrendous condition. If she wants to live, tell her she will die. If she does school work, tell her she'll concentrate better if she eats more. If she wants to be beautiful, show her pictures of chubby beautiful people. Then point out a weak skinny tree and a big strong 100 year old one. Which is more beautiful?

Also when you're underweight you'll actually WANT to starve. She needs to get to the higher end of normal on the bmi scale.

I know I sound really to the point and harsh but this is what I went through too. I convinced myself food was disgusting. ShOw her pictures of anorexics and that will be what she'll be if she doesn't eat. I couldn't see it in myself but I could see it in others. Eat with her for at least a week. Show her what normal eating is.


Thankyou so much, im going to do what you have said. Make her see who she actually is becoming. I like to the point, you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. I will eat normally with her for a week, so she can see whats normal. How will showing pictures of people with anorexia help?


And tell her my story. I'm 14 going on 15 in 2 months. I developed anorexia at 13. I didnt even know it at first. I just wanted to lose a couple pounds to wear a dress for a party that never came. Next thing you know everyone started commenting on how skinny I was getting. Then all my friends left me. I was so tired. I dropped from a straight A student to a way below straight A student. Being underweight effects your brain. It got worse. I became obsessed. It was an addiction. At 2am in the morning I was doing starjumps. When you're underweight you don't sleep. You can't. So every night I walked up and down the corridoor burning calories. I was a walking corpse. I laid in bed liking my guts out. I could hardly eat. My eyes are permanently damaged from being underweight. I can hardly keep my eyes open now. I can hardly use the computer. My voice, the part of me I loved the most, changed. I looked in the mirror one day and I was horrified. Dead eyes. Skin and bones. My beautiful, hip length wavy hair everyone admired gone. I knew I was going to die but I wouldn't eat. Not even drink a bottle of Gatorade that could have saved my life.

Then I put on weight. By bingeing. Im now heavier than I ever was before anorexia. A skinny flower is not more beautiful than a fat flower. Is the sun fat and ugly? Food has become my life. It is all I think about. I was talented. Beautiful. Smart. I had friends. I got at least 3 awards every speech day. Skinny is not worth the consequences. Wether you find food repulsive or wether you're anorexic, you need it to survive.

I spent my 14th birthday exercising, feeling guilty for eating half a slice of my birthday cake.


I was so close to tears reading this, im sorry about everything you have had to go through. But thats the harsh effects of an eating disorder, and im glad you told me your story. I will share it with her, hope it will change her mind towards food a bit. I really hope you have a great 15th birthday, and dont worry so much about the food.

Thankyou, i really appreciate it. Take care :heart:

+1 rep :)

[Amaryllis]

Showing her pictures of anorexics and pointing out to her that that might be who she'll become might scare her a bit. I found anorexic bodies horrifying yet I never did seem to realise I looked just like that.

I'm glad I shared it with you because even if I just influence her a bit, it's good enough for me. An eating disorder is honestly one of the worst things that can happen to a person. i would never wish it on anyone, not even someone I hate. I really hope she'll be okay. Keep me updated :)

Good luck
Fath And Trust

[Love.Hate]

Okay i will show her then :)

Thankyou so much! I will keep you updated <3

[Magenta]

Yes, I saw photos of anorexics and absolutely terrified myself. Not to say that my eating disorder is gone but my mindset is certainly different now.

I do think your cousin is in a bit of denial. She may be thinking that if she complains she's not feeling well, she can trick herself into really not being well enough to eat. I used to do that all the time. It was easy: once you tell yourself you're not well, you keep telling yourself until you believe it and if you do eat it does make you ill simply because you spent all your time telling yourself it would. It's terrible habit to get into.

Obviously, only eating sweets to get by is also not healthy seeing as sweets aren't exactly real food. If she really wants to lose weight, there are healthier ways of going about it but she doesn't even need to at this point!

I really hope your cousin can get better, Fran.

[Love.Hate]

Thankyou Jo, i appreciate it. I hope she gets better too :)

She is stuck in that cycle right now, and we are trying to break her fear of food & her contant "sickness".

Thanks! :D

[Amaryllis]

Is she getting better? Did any of the suggestions get to her? How old is she? I'm sorry Im asking so many questions. I sound a bit nosy lol. But I really don't want to see another person fall into the same depths as me. Do you think me talking to her would be worth a shot? Would she be willing to talk to me? I could just befriend her first. I'm sorry. It's just an eating disorder is the worst thing that could ever happen. Better to stop it in it's early stages than for it to morph into something worse

[Love.Hate]

Is she getting better? Did any of the suggestions get to her? How old is she? I'm sorry Im asking so many questions. I sound a bit nosy lol. But I really don't want to see another person fall into the same depths as me. Do you think me talking to her would be worth a shot? Would she be willing to talk to me? I could just befriend her first. I'm sorry. It's just an eating disorder is the worst thing that could ever happen. Better to stop it in it's early stages than for it to morph into something worse

I can understand your worried, she doesnt believe that you can trust people online.. so thats out of the question, thankyou though.

She is 15 and i showed her pictures of anorexia girls and she just went "ew" i dont think she see's what she is becoming. I know, better to stop it now than too late, i have a feeling though my uncle will force her to eat. Which is a bad move, i have told him that. But at least she will maintain a healthy weight? She needs more body confidence.

[Amaryllis]

This sounds cruel but actually no, right now it's really important to get her to eat and put on weight. When you're underweight, you'll actually WANT to starve and some tend to be disgusted by food or they really can't eat it. Does she have anyone she admires? Hopefully they're not bone-thin too. Okay, whatever you do, make sure she NEVER gets her hands on calorie-calculators. They fueled 90% of my ED and they made it so much worse. I calorie counted everything and if something said 1 cup of pasta, 201 calories, I would look at my plate of pasta which was 1.5 cups or something and calculate it as 3. I ended up having like half a cup of plain pasta. Calorie counters are an anorexic's WORSE BEST FRIEND. I spent the majority of my time googling calories. Which rice had the least calories, how many calories were on what birthday cake so I could get the one with the least, I even recorded down my calories if I drank 1 teaspoon of tea with 1/2 a packet of sugar. It was insane.

So my point is: No calorie counters whatsoever.

[Love.Hate]

Okay thankyou for the advice, i will make sure she doesnt get into that.

The person she wants to be like is Hayley Williams.. so she is bone thin, not a good idol really.

[Amaryllis]

Well that sucks...

Good luck though!! Remember...

Faith And Trust :)

[Fiction]

Have you or her parents tried taking her to the doctors? That's probabaly your best bet. It's almost like a kick in a teeth and a real realisation when a doctor says you have an Eating Disorder believe me. It may convince her and also get her the help she needs.

[Amaryllis]

Fiction's right. When I first went to the doctor and stepped on the scale, I cried. Umm but I lost even more weight after that. I was terrified. The doctor kept asking me to take full fat milk and egg yolks and when I said I couldn't she just said "what's wrong with you??? Just eat!" and I kept saying I can't I can't and she told me "it's not that hard". Take her to someone with experience with eating disorders.

[Love.Hate]

She has been to the doctors, yet she is still in denial... well, im not sure if she actually is or not. But she still says she is fine.

I think the fact the doctor has said she has an Eating Disorder has almost made her want to get worse, because she isnt thin enough to have one. As i think she relates eating disorders with 5 stone girls in hospital.

The problem is her parents arent forcing her to get help, she doesnt want it. She says she isnt bad enough to need it and thats that im afraid.

If she gets worse though i really hope they are going to make her, i know its harsh but she needs it.

Thankyou guys :)

[Amaryllis]

They can't wait for it to get worse. Eating disorders are like drugs. The longer you've been smoking, the harder it is to quit. They need to make her get help. Now.

[Love.Hate]

I know they do, they really do and its scaring me how much they don't seem to think it's all that big a problem. They must care, just have a funny way of showing it.

[Amaryllis]

They just don't know what to do. My parents refused to get me treatment too. Though I practically begged for it. They're scared. Getting her help would be admitting their darling daughter has a problem and that they can't do anything or help her. They don't want to think they're bad parents and they don't want their child to be a "crazy". You gotta try to make them face that she does have a problem, deeper than any parent could fix on their own. That they need help and it's okay. Their daughter will get better

[Love.Hate]

Getting her help would be admitting their darling daughter has a problem and that they can't do anything or help her.

This is so right.

Okay, i will try to make them see that this is what she needs.

Thankyou :hug:

[Amaryllis]

You're welcome :) Glad I could help. Good luck and take care of yourself too

[Love.Hate]

awwh thankyou, you too!! :heart: