Relapsed

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I spend months not having urges, but tonight I got really upset and cut again. Its nothing too bad, but it looks bad cause I've not done it in ages. The cuts I can handle, I've had years of handling them, but I'm still upset. It didn't give me the release that it should have and I'm close to trying another method of self harm. Probably burning. I'm scared, and I don't think its fear of the burn, I think I'm scared because I know that I'll do it soon if I can't talk to someone. I have friends online just now but I can't tell them what I think is bothering me. I don't think that they'll understand. I know one of them won't. So I guess I'm on here just asking for someone to help me? I don't want to start another method of self harm. Not when I'm already addicted to cutting...

[Love.Hate]

Dont tell them whats bothering you then, just talk to them and distract yourself.

Burning is so much worse, you dont want to go there.. i have only ever done it once, do get caught up in that too... they scar so much worse.

Distractions!! Write, read, talk, sing, dance, draw, pamper yourself, do something else.. distract yourself from it.

[MadManWithaBox]

Its perfectly ok Morgan :) Everyone of us slips us. The point is, you're on here. You recognize you made an error, So you can pick yourself up and try again. Distract yourself? Read a book, listen to a good song, write down how you feel, no matter how stupid it might look.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Fran, I would try to talk to them, but I find it hard to make conversation unless I have something to say. So if I try it will kind of just fail. But yeah, I know I don't want to get involved in burning. I've heard that a burn is the worst kind of injury and I know that if I start I'll probably get hooked on it. I'm usually good at distracting myself, but the few things, like writing and reading, just aren't working tonight. I can't concentrate on them.

Erm... Doctor, (shame I'm not a Dr Who fangirl, or that would entertain me a lot more than it already does) I've wrote down what I feel in a blog entry on here. It didn't really help. I've got music on the now, have done all night, and its helping a little. I need to keep my mind distracted as well as my hands.

I know that I should like I'm just being totally awkward by rejecting the ideas you both gave me, but I guess I think that conversation will help me the most, but my two online friends are kinda useless at the moment. I mean, none of the conversation requires much input on my part.

[Love.Hate]

Maybe you should write it all down then? Burns are bad.
I find writing things down that really you should be saying to others helps a lot.. if that made any sense. Have you ever thought about making a blog? Some people find that helps.

(and the fact you called him Doctor highly amused me :P)

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

(Haha, yeah, it made me laugh too. And I don't even watch the programm.)

I wrote down I what I think the main problem is, well, I typed it. I could try hand writing it. I have kind of considered a blog, but I wouldn't want people I know in real life to see half of what I post. So I'm not sure what good it would do...

[Love.Hate]

Well whats the harm in trying? You dont have to share it with friends or family at all.. anyone in fact. It could just be yours to get everything out. And now you have found what you believe the main problem is work out solutions of dealing with that, other than self injury.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Sadly, there is no solution to my problem.

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/blog.php?b=36615 This blog entry explains what I think the problem is. There's no solution to it that I can see. There is a few minor things that may be adding to it, but I can handle all of those.

[Love.Hate]

Well.. this like this are tough cause there are no specific answers.. but you have to keep doing what is best by yourself, and taking it all out on yourself isnt going to help anything. Its all about channelling emotions in a safe and healthy way.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I'm just at a total loss of how to cope with it...

[SilenceForSilence]

Sometimes there isn't a clear cut way. Honestly for me there never is. i'll bet that you like to help people based on your signature, so maybe you can find people to help and that will make you feel a little better?

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I guess I could try that. That's maybe why I came back on here instead of silently suffering through it like I would have normally...