Dog Desab
June 25th, 2011, 08:13 PM
I don't know how to describe how I am feeling lately. Depressed of course... Lonely, you bet I am... Desperate for an escape, I don't know....
I know the world is tough. But right now I'm so lost in my despair I don't know what to do. I have either visions or dreams. I can't tell because I seem to not sleep anymore. Yet when I do try to sleep it's like I'm half sleep. Some sort of astral space not of this universe where I should belong. Anyway I've been having these terrible dreams/visions of myself dying. I don't know whether to fear it or not. Sometimes I just see myself lying there on the floor. Sometimes I see my wrists cut open so nothing but blood is dripping. But the one dream I vividly remember is of me rowing a boat into the middle of a lake. In the boat is a backpack and a fairly heavy boulder. I put the boulder into the backpack and tie it to my back. With no chance of me getting it off. I jump backwards into the water. Surprisingly this is the most peaceful of the dreams I have had.
I don't know whatsup with me but I'm just so dark lately. Ive been drinking alot and I know that is bad when depressed but it makes the feelings go away. I like the feelings gone. So I want to put myself in this terrible self-pity that I can't seem to stop. I really just wanna see if I can go into a mental institution cuz I don't like this me.
I know the world is tough. But right now I'm so lost in my despair I don't know what to do. I have either visions or dreams. I can't tell because I seem to not sleep anymore. Yet when I do try to sleep it's like I'm half sleep. Some sort of astral space not of this universe where I should belong. Anyway I've been having these terrible dreams/visions of myself dying. I don't know whether to fear it or not. Sometimes I just see myself lying there on the floor. Sometimes I see my wrists cut open so nothing but blood is dripping. But the one dream I vividly remember is of me rowing a boat into the middle of a lake. In the boat is a backpack and a fairly heavy boulder. I put the boulder into the backpack and tie it to my back. With no chance of me getting it off. I jump backwards into the water. Surprisingly this is the most peaceful of the dreams I have had.
I don't know whatsup with me but I'm just so dark lately. Ive been drinking alot and I know that is bad when depressed but it makes the feelings go away. I like the feelings gone. So I want to put myself in this terrible self-pity that I can't seem to stop. I really just wanna see if I can go into a mental institution cuz I don't like this me.