Do you think I'll ever date?

[Lethe]

I already made a thread about this, and I feel really bad for making another one, but it's something that's been bothering me for a long time and I can't get it off my mind.

So I'm 17 and I've only dated once. It was in 10th grade and it only lasted 4 months. The person I was dating was dating another girl a few weeks up until the break up, and then he broke up with me on Valentine's.

Since then I've been single and I've realized that the reason I haven't been dating is because I'm so sub-par when it comes to appearance. I have a good personality and I'm very nice, but compared to other girls I'm just not pretty. I'm overweight (5'7" and 156lbs) and I'm big-boned and large. On top of that my face isn't good at all; and I wear glasses. I've tried to play off my personality because I have no looks, but it hasn't done me any good. I'm one of the few girls at my school that isn't dating, and I'm going to be a senior this year.

Do you think I'll ever date anyone? No boy has even tried to approach me or talk to me and I know why...is there really a chance that someone out there might like me despite my ugliness?

And I really apologize for being so depressed! I'm not like this often :(.

[Sage]

If your weight and appearance are sources of insecurity, do something about them. More importantly, though, you shouldn't feel pressured into finding a boyfriend just because all the other girls are doing it. Girls your age are typically dumb bitches anyway (don't call me sexist, teenage guys aren't any better), so deciding not to follow suit isn't a bad thing at all. You don't need someone else to be happy, and you especially can't hope to find someone if you aren't happy yourself already.

No one will love you until you love yourself.

[Lethe]

I am trying to diet. I eat around 1000-1300 calories a day. And I wear makeup. Still, you can put makeup on a pig and it will still be a pig :D.

I am happy with everything except my body. It's as if God picked out all the odds-and-ends out of the bucket of body parts and just slapped them together xD. My face and body are really ugly and I'm just disproportioned all over. Despite dieting for six years I haven't lost any weight. So I am trying to better myself physically, it just hasn't worked out :D.

But you're right, I don't want to just be one of those girls who date just to date. But I want a boyfriend because I want someone to care about me. It just doesn't seem like any guy is willing to look past my ugly body and face and see something better underneath. You understand what I'm saying? Sorry if I'm being really confusing :(.

[Sage]

If dieting doesn't work, then start exercising. Just changing what you eat won't make much of a difference.

[Thanatos]

If your weight and appearance are sources of insecurity, do something about them. More importantly, though, you shouldn't feel pressured into finding a boyfriend just because all the other girls are doing it. Girls your age are typically dumb bitches anyway (don't call me sexist, teenage guys aren't any better), so deciding not to follow suit isn't a bad thing at all. You don't need someone else to be happy, and you especially can't hope to find someone if you aren't happy yourself already.

No one will love you until you love yourself.

Sorry if this is OT But I love you for this post.

I basically second everything Sage has said here. If you are trying dieting and it isn't working, definitely try exercising. If you are uncomfortable with running in outside, try signing up at a gym.

As a teenage male the same age as you, I can say a lot of appeal in girls is not only the body, But how the girl carries herself. Yo need to be confident in yourself regardless of others. Be happy for little achievements, like if you are trying to lose weight, even losing 1 lb. is a step in that direction.

You have a lot of tie to date, even if you don't in high school. I haven't had a girlfriend at all because I haven't found someone I'd want to date. Theres still all of college, your 20's, etc.

Hakuna matata, my friend

[Lethe]

@Sage: I exercise daily :).

@Thanatos: Thank you very much, that's really helpful :). Still, I wish I had a good enough body to be appealing to someone :D.

I might just wait it out, but I feel kind of bad that I'm not pretty enough to date even in high school. I don't know! It's confusing :D.

[Thanatos]

Don't worry so much about what other people think of your body, I cannot stress enough how much more important it is that you love yourself then others loving you. Whats the point of being 'pretty' or 'hot' when you are so stressed out about impressing others. You need to worry about getting your body to where you like it, rather then where generic stereotypes say it should be. According to a BMI calc you are BARELY overweight, so just keep up with the dieting and exercising and you'll be perfectly fine.

Haters gonna Hate, Hakuna Matata

[Lethe]

Well I mostly do like myself ^.^ I just don't like how my body was made. The size of my bones and my shape. And I can't change that can I? :D

Well being pretty would definitely make my life easier! I'd be more liked and people would be more likely to approach me.

My BMI is 24.4 isn't it? I think 24.9 is considered overweight. I'm so close :(. I'm trying to lose weight by dieting and exercising, but I just can't seem to lose weight :'D

[Thanatos]

Eh different calculators, you know how the internet is I probably screwed up. .5 off isn't so close that you need to be obsessive over losing weight, at that point I'd view weight loss as a bonus to exercising rather then the main point. Even if your bone structure is strange in your eyes, think about people born without limbs and appreciate what you have :P

Being pretty makes things harder. Everyone is looking to you to remain pretty, you have to stress over every calorie, every workout. You have to stress over clothes and remain fashionable. Other then arrogant jerks or guys who don't care who you are, a lot of guys get intimidated by pretty girls, and a lot of people stereotype pretty people as stuck up and don't like them. Grass is always greener on the other side

.

[Lethe]

I do appreciate having a normal body :). It's just an unusual shape and size for a woman. I have very big bones and I'm broad and thick. It's actually really embarrassing :D

I agree, pretty people definitely have problems about physical appearance too! Still, I think being pretty would have more positives for me than being who I am now, which sucks to be honest xD.

[Thanatos]

Now Now, you already seem like a fun person to me and therefor not sucky at all. Theres the confidence issue again. I had the same issue with not being confident in my appearance at all, until I learned that people suck and even if you are perfect in every way Haters Gonna Hate, so now I live my Hakuna Matata lifestyle and 'tsall good.

[Lethe]

Well my personality doesn't suck (at least I hope) :D. My body does. Still, you're right. People will always find something wrong with you. I'm just worried that most guys will find enough things wrong with me (rightfully so) that I'll never have an opportunity to date again :(.

[Thanatos]

Life is full of opportunities, everything happens for a reason, when one door closes another opens, plenty of fish in the sea....

On a serious note- Life really is full of opportunities, I mean the majority of people do not meet their husbands/wives in HS. College is a whole new world. Campus living and flexible class schedules lead to a lot more socializing and more serious relationships. HS dating is mainly in order to 'be cool' or for sexual purposes, a lot of it is not because people are deeply in love with each other and think they are going to marry.

[Lethe]

That's true, I don't really like high school relationships anyways :D. Still, I don't know if I'll have any chance of dating even in college. I'm quiet and not outspoken and I'm nervous around guys because I know what they think of me (I learned that the hard way a few years ago).

[Thanatos]

Psh, every guy is different with different likes and dislikes in girls, so you cant judge based on one experience. Plus you said you learned a few years ago so most likely before you fully developed. Things change a lot in a few teenage years. Plus it is my extreme belief that there is someone for everyone out there. There are guys who are the same way as you, quiet and not confident in their appearance. You'll find the right guy someday, and then you can find me and thank me. :P

[Lethe]

Well I am certainly different now, but my body shape and size is still the same. I can fit into a shirt from 6th grade, showing how overweight I was when I was 11 or 12. So I'm basically the same in that regard x"D

I really hope I can find someone :/. I'm just really skeptical because I'm really not pretty or feminine at all and I just don't look normal. Even a really nice guy might not even waste his time on me :D. So I really don't know! I mean, I'm almost an adult. I don't have much time left.

[Thanatos]

Almost an adult pshhhh, I know 40 year olds getting married for the first time. In some regards, you have more time in life then you think.

[Lethe]

Well I have enough time, but if I don't marry in my 20s I don't know if I have a chance. I'm certainly not going to be more physically appealing as I get older. I will just become less approachable because my appearance will be getting less and less appealing. So I don't know if I do have more time :/

[Thanatos]

Girl you worry too much about the future. Live for the now and appreciate every moment. Take life as it comes.

"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

[Lethe]

I'm just worried that I won't have a future :(

[Thanatos]

You'll have a future, single, married, in a nunery, who freakin knows. Life twists and turns and surprises us. Better off enjoying the times we have, then spending all of it worrying about whats to come.

[Lethe]

I'd kill myself if I was single forever :(. I wouldn't have a reason to live.

The thing is, I don't really have anything in my life now to enjoy. I don't have many friends and people at school aren't very nice to me. My parents also never have anything nice to say to me; I'm always ganged up on by both of them, and what's worse is that they act like I'm in the wrong.

I don't know if my life is ever worth living, past, present or future :D

[Contra]

I'd kill myself if I was single forever :(. I wouldn't have a reason to live.

The thing is, I don't really have anything in my life now to enjoy. I don't have many friends and people at school aren't very nice to me. My parents also never have anything nice to say to me; I'm always ganged up on by both of them, and what's worse is that they act like I'm in the wrong.

I don't know if my life is ever worth living, past, present or future :D

From where I'm standing, life is ALWAYS worth living. I don't have many friends either, but I enjoy the times I have with the ones I have now and ignore the stupid fucks who bring me down. Oh, and teen relationships with parents are almost never easy, just be nice and kind and I'm sure they'll do the same to you.
You seem like a pretty nice girl and I'm sure that someone will pick you up, it doesn't matter when but you shouldn't worry about that too much either. Keep trying and when you do find someone you like, fight for that person.

Good luck :)

[LuckyLuke]

Let me tell you, the only guy that goes out with a girl for looks is the type of guy you don't want.

My girlfriend is beautiful inside and out but if she was/became mangled, obese, had an extra arm (although that could be fun), and/or was physically deformed I'd still think she was amazing and wouldn't break up with her. The physical, although a bonus, is NOT even close to important.

That being said, you said you're overweight and you said it in a negative context; if you're unhappy about your weight, change it. If you're unhappy about your appearance, CHANGE IT! You have the dice and it's your turn to roll in this game. It's your body, ROCK IT! I've lost 80 pounds and I'm so glad I did, one of the best choices I've ever made.

You rock it girl! Be confident. Be fierce.

Best of luck!

EDIT:

You said that you're not sure if your life is worth living. Why? Because of what other people (bigots at school and your unsupportive parents) think? Who the hell cares what they think? This is your life and you need to live it- and live it big. They can think and say all they want but when it comes down to it, words are words as sounds are sounds. They may stick to your bones like peanut butter to your mouths roof once in awhile but you just need to have a tall glass of "This is me & this is MY world" and walk that runway we call life. Let them think what they want, let them say what they want to say but if you're fierce, confident, and strong they'll be shaking every time you flip your hair like you have a sick case of the Bieber *uch, I dislike him*

[Lethe]

I've already said this I think, but I've been trying to lose weight for six or so years with no results, diet and exercise included :(. It's really hard for me to lose weight I guess. Nothing has worked. On top of that, I'm not pretty or attractive at all xD. I have nothing going for me, so there's nothing to "rock" so to speak :D.

Hmm. Well, life isn't worth living for me because I'm not normal. In contrast, I'm not unique either. I'm just something weird and abnormal. In appearance, I mean. I'm a nice person and I'm happy and I have a good sense of humor, but in appearance I'm just God-awful.

I don't like thinking that my appearance would keep me from being happy and dating someone, but...my appearace is just so horrid that I don't think even if I was completely confident in myself, I'd ever find a man who'd be interested in me :(.

Wow, so depressing...:'D

[LuckyLuke]

I've already said this I think, but I've been trying to lose weight for six or so years with no results, diet and exercise included :(. It's really hard for me to lose weight I guess. Nothing has worked. On top of that, I'm not pretty or attractive at all xD. I have nothing going for me, so there's nothing to "rock" so to speak :D.

Hmm. Well, life isn't worth living for me because I'm not normal. In contrast, I'm not unique either. I'm just something weird and abnormal. In appearance, I mean. I'm a nice person and I'm happy and I have a good sense of humor, but in appearance I'm just God-awful.

I don't like thinking that my appearance would keep me from being happy and dating someone, but...my appearace is just so horrid that I don't think even if I was completely confident in myself, I'd ever find a man who'd be interested in me :(.

Wow, so depressing...:'D


Lethe,

You don't have any pictures so I can't tell you what I think of how you look but regardless...

ANYONE can be fierce. It's not looks, it's personality. Do you watch Glee? Do you know that plump Asian girl who ran for president? SHE'S fierce. And although I find her attractive, even if she was 10,000 pounds larger missing an arm and had a single monocle for an eye, I'd be attracted to her and ask her out because of that amazing attitude.

Do you want honesty? Yes, being attractive makes it easier for someone to ask someone out. Yes, it helps with the romance in the relationship, but it's not the only thing and it shouldn't be a major thing. If a relationship is based on appearance, it's doomed to fail.

You can own it. You can walk the runway of life. I don't care what the hell you look like, if you're fierce, you're sexy.

As for weight... I'm sending you a private message but honestly, I usually prefer a little plump. ;) and size shouldn't matter for a REAL relationship.

[Lethe]

I didn't know you were allowed to post pictures here :D.

I've actually never watched Glee. It never appealed to me :P.

If a relationship starts with appearance and helps with romance will I ever have a chance at dating then? :( I'm really not pretty and I'm big. What guy really would go for that? :"D

[LuckyLuke]

I didn't know you were allowed to post pictures here :D.

I've actually never watched Glee. It never appealed to me :P.

If a relationship starts with appearance and helps with romance will I ever have a chance at dating then? :( I'm really not pretty and I'm big. What guy really would go for that? :"D

I would :-) if your personality was great... and you mis-read my message..


"Do you want honesty? Yes, being attractive makes it easier for someone to ask someone out. Yes, it helps with the romance in the relationship, but it's not the only thing and it shouldn't be a major thing. If a relationship is based on appearance, it's doomed to fail."

It makes it EASIER... it's not required. Basically it provides more initiative but those types of relationships are more "trial and error" (I think your sexy, maybe your personality won't be bitchy maybe we will/won't break up) rather than "Oh my goodness, you're an amazing person with a great heart and personality, let's date because I like you as a person rather than a sex object".....

[Lethe]

Well my personality is pretty good, but it's not enough.

That's what I meant. It makes it easier. Would you date someone that looked like me even if I was a nice person? I won't plague you with pictures, by the way :P. I'm just worried that because my physical appearance is so horrible I won't even have a chance to date despite having a good personality.

Oh! By the way—I just got to 100 posts, so I think now I can receive private messages :).

[LuckyLuke]

Well my personality is pretty good, but it's not enough.

That's what I meant. It makes it easier. Would you date someone that looked like me even if I was a nice person? I won't plague you with pictures, by the way :P. I'm just worried that because my physical appearance is so horrible I won't even have a chance to date despite having a good personality.

Listen, I seriously doubt that you're as hideous as you make yourself out to be. I'm picturing a Gollum type creature who hasn't seen the light of day since birth with a mohawk made of squirrel tail and the teeth of a woman whose overbite is only exceed in excess by the yellow of her teeth. Their eye isn't missing, but dangling rather, from the socket. Their arm is a stub and has been replaced by a wood stump and their breasts are made of dynamite. One leg is gorgeous but the other looks like it's walked for the past 20 years and hasn't had time to wash.

Post a picture if you feel comfortable, serenade our eyes with your beauty.

[Lethe]

Hmm....where can I post one?

And I really don't know if I should :/. It's embarrassing to look at myself, especially in pictures.